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  1. #26
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    Dec 2012
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    My buddy and I were golfing. We're on the ninth hole. He's been hitting it fat all day. Sure enough the 9th is no different, and he pops a wedge shot over the pin and it rolls into the rough between the water hazard and the downhill edge of the green. Son of a bitch is lucky it didn't roll into the water. He's still away so I let him go. He grabs the wedge and sets up....all of a sudden a giant kraken explodes from the water hazard and grabs my buddy with one of his huge tentacled arms. WTF???

    Never saw him again.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  2. #27
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    Jun 2009
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    Craziest thing that you witnessed this summer

    Quote Originally Posted by Phildo_Baggins View Post
    Repost from the "why do dogs eat their own poop" thread. This happens on July 4th. Maybe the most traumatic moment of my life:

    We've been watching our friends' three dogs this week. This morning we went over for the last time to let them out and feed them and give them some cuddles before their family got home tonight.

    We got over there and as we opened the door we knew something was wrong. The smell of dog shit was permeating the house.

    We saw that one of them had had an accident in her kennel. We think maybe she was scared of some fireworks going off last night. The kennel looked like a crime scene, with shit all over the walls of the kennel, and all over the dog.

    What a perfect way to end it, standing in the backyard hosing off a kennel and a puppy.

    We got everyone all cleaned up and inside and we started to make some breakfast, when we noticed the first batch of dog puke. Just a little bit from the Pomeranian. Maybe some residual nervousness from everything that had happened. Great. We put breakfast on hold, clean up the small pile of puke, get the carpet cleaner out and scrub it real quick.

    As we finish with that, we notice another little pile of puke around the corner. "Jesus Christ. You've got to be kidding me!" I grab the stuff and start cleaning up another pile of Pom vomit, silently cursing the communist spirits who are trying to ruin my 4th of July.

    Halfway through cleaning up puke #2, I glance up to see the first dog start throwing up. "You've gotta be fucking kidding me." Except this time, it's not cute little lap dog puke, it's an 80 lb pit bull. And is that.....!?!?!?

    Yep. It's shit.

    The pitty had felt so bad about pooping in her cage, she'd tried to clean up a bit. Imagine that you have an 80 lb dog whose stomach is so full of partially digested, liquified shit bound together with the dog food she had just hoovered. So now you have literally a half gallon of that on their white living room carpet.

    Fuck. My. Life.

    I just stood there in shock and awe of the mess. My first thought was just to shoot them all and burn the house to the ground, but luckily my wife is a little more level headed.

    She grabbed a few plastic grocery bags, and using them like some
    Impromptu gloves, she started scooping the shit stew into the garbage can.

    This is maybe a good time to talk about the smell. If you imagine what a poop/puke mix would smell like, amplify that by about five. It's an exponentially worse shit bomb than you could ever imagine. No human being is prepared for that, so after ever scoop of the foul mixture we would scoop up, we'd have to stop and dry heave into the same trash can. Scoop, heave, scoop, heave over and over.

    This goes on literally for 15 or 20 minutes as we try to save their carpet. Finally we finished that, realizing that there is still half of a puke pile waiting for attention. But hey, by this point puke alone is no big deal.

    We scrapped cooking breakfast at this point and just made some Pop Tarts. We sat down to eat them and watch some shitty cable DIY shows.

    In a normal world, this is where the story would end. But that was not to be for us. A faint smell of shit started wafting in from behind the couch. At first I thought it was just on our clothes, or maybe residual from the carpet. But it got stronger. Then I tried to ignore it. "I don't smell shit. That's definitely not shit." But alas, it grew stronger still and we needed to investigate.

    We crept around corner of the couch wielding paper towels and carpet spray like rudimentary weapons in a Scooby Doo movie. And there it was. Another pile of this pukey, shitty mess behind the couch. Steeling ourselves for the cleanup we approach slowly.

    My horror grows as I see that it's right on top of their A/C register, and dripping down into the vents. "Save yourself," I shout to my wife. "Only one of us needs to die today."

    I go in like Seal Team 6, swift and effective. My scoop-heave skills are honed now and the initial impact of the smell isn't quite as bad as the first time around.

    But then the A/C kicks on. The air is blowing that shitty mix right into my face. I fight through it, but now I'm heaving twice for every scoop. I'm losing this battle.

    Onward I fight, pulling up the vent cover, and taking a brief respite from the front lines to spray it out with the hose. I re-enter now to find a literal puddle of this shit in the bottom of the vent. Just out of reach. I fashion a rag onto the end of a broom and start sopping it up. I'm elbow deep in the vent when we hear the Pomeranian start hacking again. A third pile of Pom vomit hits the ground.

    Fast forward an hour later, and I can still smell it. No amount of fresh air or strong coffee can help me. I think I have PTSD - post-traumatic shit disorder.

    How's everyone else's holiday going?
    Oh my god, I'm dying. Thanks for the repost, I missed it the first time.
    Quote Originally Posted by My Pet Powder Goat View Post
    Come for the poo-slinging, Save a fortune on a plumber.

  3. #28
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    May 2002
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    Quote Originally Posted by shroom View Post
    I can't believe someone could stand to work at a rub n tug for 20 years. I feel like it would lose its joy.
    Bwaaaa haaaa haaaa
    You are what you eat.
    ---------------------------------------------------
    There's no such thing as bad snow, just shitty skiers.

  4. #29
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    I saw about 200 AC of forest burn in about 5 minutes. All I can say is "Holy fuck!"
    You are what you eat.
    ---------------------------------------------------
    There's no such thing as bad snow, just shitty skiers.

  5. #30
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    Nov 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by irul&ublo View Post
    Obama's gonna take your


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    Not a gun owner so it's all good. However, if he wants my medicine there's going to be trouble

  6. #31
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    Not my pic, but the DC 10 doing drops:


    Typical view:


    One for Bobby:
    Well maybe I'm the faggot America
    I'm not a part of a redneck agenda

  7. #32
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    Feb 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by Viva View Post
    I'll for mtngirl79 to post some more before weighing in here.
    I have had a pretty mellow summer. Can't think of anything too crazy..

  8. #33
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    Hey Bobby, dig this:
    http://youtu.be/VAJq6sHNktc
    Well maybe I'm the faggot America
    I'm not a part of a redneck agenda

  9. #34
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    Jun 2008
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    Umm...probably the distance world record semi jump in Butte, America.

  10. #35
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    Feb 2012
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    [QUOTE=plugboots;4551814]Not my pic, but the DC 10 doing drops:


    Holy shit. That's awesome

  11. #36
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    Apr 2006
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    Craziest thing that you witnessed this summer

    I hope that's photoshopped or an optically illusion but the odds of pulling passes like that without error are low.

    But it is a awesome pic.

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by irul&ublo View Post
    Obama's gonna take your guns!


    Presidential motorcade rolls out of the Ospreys, "The Bear" steps out of Marine 1 and into an RPGproof Suburban with illegal tint. Sturgis style.

    True story.

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by hikesalot View Post
    Oh my god, I'm dying. Thanks for the repost, I missed it the first time.
    I'm glad I can provide some joy out of my pain. Re-reading it last night gave me some weird flashbacks.

  14. #39
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    Here in Bellingham, just about every third house has a little stand out front where you can buy whatever they are selling, usually eggs or berries or zuchinni or flowers by leaving money in the jar...

    One particular house has a huge 1990's VHS camera bungee corded to the post, I'm assuming to scare potential theives. I should go by in my car and take a picture..

  15. #40
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    Steal the camera, leave the money.

  16. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by highangle View Post
    Presidential motorcade rolls out of the Ospreys, "The Bear" steps out of Marine 1 and into an RPGproof Suburban with illegal tint. Sturgis style.

    True story.
    There's no way the Suburban could fit in an Osprey, could it?

    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    Steal the camera, leave the money.
    Take the canolis, leave the gun.
    No longer stuck.

    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Just an uneducated guess.

  17. #42
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    Jan 2008
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    Big Sky/Moonlight Basin
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    Craziest thing that you witnessed this summer

    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    There's no way the Suburban could fit in an Osprey, could it ?.


    That's not a Suburban though.
    Last edited by Harry; 09-13-2015 at 03:20 AM.
    "Zee damn fat skis are ruining zee piste !" -Oscar Schevlin

    "Hike up your skirt and grow a dick you fucking crybaby" -what Bunion said to Harry at the top of The Headwaters

  18. #43
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    Oct 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by buttahflake View Post
    random live sex acts at a certain, national hotel chain on Colfax after Phish last Saturday.
    No nans, we walked into a scene straight out of the 70's
    girl on girl action in one of the conference rooms, for real.
    Totally spun and way more than half drunk.
    don't tell me this town ain't got no heart
    I imagine ugly, fat and hairy women, maybe a few with glasses, having sex. I think I would have preferred coming home to the dog poo, instead.

  19. #44
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    Jan 2010
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    Walpole NH
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    10,832

    Craziest thing that you witnessed this summer

    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Profane View Post
    I imagine ugly, fat and hairy women, maybe a few with glasses, having sex. I think I would have preferred coming home to the dog poo, instead.
    These girls were all solid sixes.
    Nothing spectacular, but still, a naked six, riding a Symbian while two others are engaged in 69. Yeah Colfax rules.
    Remember we stumbled into this at two in the morning, coming from Dicks. It solidified our belief, in all that is, COLFAX
    crab in my shoe mouth

  20. #45
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    Ooh ooh that smell. Can't you smell that smell.

  21. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post
    Last weekend I watched a car stop for no reason in the suicide lane in the middle of a 5 lane state route.

    The driver, dressed in nothing more than a pair of jeans that looked like they belonged to a raver circa 1996, a buzzcut, and some poorly done tattoos, gets out and gives the passenger the most enthusiastic, double-fisted middle finger, while screaming FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOOOOOUUUUU!!!! and then taking off running into the wall to wall traffic.

    When he reached the shoulder, after causing many near collisions he then looks back at the running car he abandoned in the center lane.

    A girl emerges from the car, clad in a red latex looking 'dress'.

    The shirtless wonder, now seeing that his car is completely unoccupied yells some obscenities back in her direction, and then bolts into a full sprint down this 45' wide highway in the opposite direction of his ride.

    The lady of the mid-afternoon who was his passenger is now screaming in tongues and takes off her high heels and hurls them in the general direction of his escape path, nailing two separate passing cars.

    I have no idea what happened, but I watched the guy in my rearview as long as I could and I swear he never broke stride - just sprinting away the only way a meth addict can.

    When I returned down the same stretch of road an hour later after I ran my errand the abandoned Maxima was still there, driver side door still ajar and no hooker to be found. I'm assuming some John found a really conveniently placed skank in the middle of rush hour while I was gone.
    I'm thinking perhaps the car was stolen and she had just told him about it. Therefore the reaction.

  22. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by steepconcrete View Post
    I'm thinking perhaps the car was stolen and she had just told him about it. Therefore the reaction.
    I was thinking along the lines of he was getting some road head and he reached down and felt her dick.

  23. #48
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    shoulda used quotes, "her"

  24. #49
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    Missoula, MT
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harry View Post
    ...
    That's not a Suburban though.
    They made a shrunken Hummer to fit inside an Osprey because a regular one won't. It's true.
    No longer stuck.

    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Just an uneducated guess.

  25. #50
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    Oct 2003
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    This would be a good place for this story. I was driving down 95 somewhere in Maryland, following two guys straight out of Pulp Fiction in the fast lane at 80 mph. Probably talking about Big Macs in France. Anyway. the driver, at 80 mph, opens the drivers door and spits or quickly pukes or something, closes the door, and, they drive on, straight up, looking forward. It took a few minutes for it to sink in.

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