Panic/anxiety?

[The Reverend Floater]

I should probably start an alias for this, but fuck it. Last Saturday I broke my heel (calcaneus) by falling off of my roof 12 feet, onto concrete, directly on my left heel. It's shattered and the initial pain was unreal, bad enough that I spent a little over 24 hours in the hospital on massive doses of dilaudid. Since then I've scheduled surgery for this upcoming Thursday and I've been told that I will most likely be non weight bearing for 4-5 months. I've been on crutches several times before for other broken bones, knee surgeries, etc., but the longest previous time was maybe two months.

Last night I wake up at 330 and make my way to the bathroom, which seems like a long process in the dark. As soon as I lay back down I suddenly feel trapped. I can't walk, I feel like I can't escape if I needed to, total lack of control. I rummage around in the drawer and find a headlamp and crutch upstairs and outside. I sat outside in the cold on a damp chair in my underwear for probably a half hour while I poured sweat. I was fully aware of the fact that I was in no danger, I had rational thought and was aware that it was a panic attack, but I couldn't escape my own mind. I went back inside and watched TV while small waves of panic/anxiety wash over me for the next two hours. I had to occasionally stand up to breathe. I finally fell asleep at sunrise and slept for a few hours. I'm still unsettled this morning from the whole experience, worried about a repeat tonight.

I've been in many real life and death situations both for work and recreation and I've always been calm to the point of calculated. Total split-second decision maker with a steady hand. I really think the whole thing started from my perceived "loss of control." Maybe it's karma from all of the times I rolled out on panic attacks for other people at 3am and showed no sympathy, always thinking to myself that they should just get over it and go to sleep. I know the reality of it now, it's not that simple. I think the biggest fear that kept it up so long last night was the fear that this was my new normal, and I was going to be dealing with it forever.

If you've dealt with something similar and you aren't too embarrassed to share, I'd love to hear about it. Do I need exercise? More narcotics before bed?

I had a few anxiety attacks when I had my blood clot. I feel for you--it's the closet thing to a bad acid trip there is, short of a bad acid trip. I know it's not the most attractive option, but get some Xanax. a) Just having some at your disposal will make you feel better and b) if you have another panic attack, the shit WORKS. I didn't find it habit forming at all and didn't really have any negative experiences. Haven't taken it more than a handful of times when I was going through that shit but it is an absolute life saver.

[warthog]

help you fight the foe or run like a bastard to get away.

Heh- read this as Doe.

Sweet Hemingway appearance out of nowhere too.

I've had a couple panic attacks- mostly weed induced, after a particularly rough trip back in college, the last of it's kind. I tried to calm the trip with some particularly dank weed, and it backfired. Pretty sure I met Satan that night. Took me a couple days to convince myself I hadn't actually died, and this was all a dream. Fun stuff. Don't eat the brown acid kids.

Now, if I smoke too much , especially around people I don't know, it tends to happen. I can control it pretty well now, since I know what's up, but it has pretty much turned me off the weed. Occasionally, on a plane, if I think about what could happen, or if the turbulence gets too bad, I feel a wave come over me. Like Ice said- situations where I feel I have no control. I just ignore it now, and tell myself to chill. Thankfully, it works every time.

What you described really sounds like a lucid dream, not a panic attack. Was your heart beating out of your chest? Lucid dreams can freak you out. I have had that one a couple times, where you feel frozen. Tends to play on repeat a couple times too. You might have thought you went to the bathroom, but it might have been part of the dream. It is pretty freaky.

How's that for full disclosure?

[iceman]

Never really heard about lucid dreams, interesting.

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Except for what warthog is describing isn't technically lucid dreaming. LD is being aware that you're dreaming and being able to manipulate your dream state. (One reason I love to sleep in, this is when they happen most often). Warthog is just describing a bad dream, that feels real and you remember once awake.

[warthog]

I thought Lucid Dreaming was just the being aware you are dreaming. The control of the dream is something for another conversation. But it is super cool.

The OP wasn't aware of it, but he kinda was. First timer I guess. If it happens again ZZZ, go with it and see what you can do. I think the key with both Panic Attacks and LD is knowing what is going on, calming the fuck down, and enjoying the ride. The sooner you can tell yourself it is alright, the quicker you will snap out of it.

Edit-

Oh, and I usually have those Lucid Dreams when I am up super late, due to insomnia, work, or just wanting to watch some TV in relative silence when the family is asleep. It is that point where you go from thinking you'll never fall asleep, to being aware that you are asleep. That is when you can make shit happen.

[Timberridge]

Just joining in to say I love Ernest Hemingway...and I hope you feel better ZZZ.

[MMP]

I recently had a self induced panic attack after reading about and viewing pictures of my upcoming ACL reconstruction.
Not nearly as serious as your heel, but seeing pics of the bone plugs on the prepared tendon graft really freaked me out.
I got really nauseous, super hot and sweaty.
Left the computer and went to sit at the kitchen table, which looked really cool and inviting.
The next thing I know I'm on my back on the floor, covered in sweat with a (small) head wound.
~ 3 minutes later I'm cold as fuck and shivering; have to wrap up under a blanket to get my temp under control.
I think that acknowledging to myself that I WAS getting cut, combined with low blood sugar caused the reaction.


My sister the RN says that I had a vaso-vagal attack.
yep: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasovagal_response

if that happens again, elevate your feet and put an ice pack on the back of your neck. thats where that vagus nerve is. that happened to me when i was driving a few weeks after rotator cuff surgery, and another time when donating blood when they pulled the needle out. I never used to worry about dying. At 50, I do.

[Trackhead]

I've really cut back on the narcotics over the last few days because I hate them; dizziness, nausea, etc. Consequently I was in some pain. I wonder if it was a withdrawal thing? Is this thread going to hurt my chances at running for public office?

If you're cutting back on narcotics, it's not withdrawal after being on them for only one week. You don't suddenly go right into withdrawal in seconds, unless you're getting Narcan (as you know). It sounds like classic anxiety. I take care of people all day long with the same, and also had issues with it about ten years ago when self employed. You'll get over it, but don't be surprised if it lingers a bit.

The classic statement by you is that you're afraid it might happen again, which is utterly classic and felt by most of the people I take care of, and myself.

[warthog]

The classic statement by you is that you're afraid it might happen again, which is utterly classic and felt by most of the people I take care of, and myself.

Yup, like being caught in one of those movies where the bad stuff keeps happening. Or kinda like a bad Groundhog Day. Only solution is to KNOW that it is all in your head. Unfortunately, it only gets better with experience.

[Aldo]

There's that key word again. Self employed. Jesus Christ it's a total trigger.
Huh, who knew? I guess if I had I wouldn't have become self employed. But let me tell you something. You make
self employment work, life becomes one big lucid dream.
Take two Tgr's and call me in the morning.

[Ripzalot]

check out MBSR - Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction. Jon Kabat-Zinn is the creator of the technique. it's a scientifically-based (no religious bs) version of meditation. basically: stop dwelling on the past, stop worrying about the future, be mindful in the moment. it will help you cope with the runaway thoughts, especially when trying to fall asleep.



check out his books:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_no...=jon+kabat+zin

and if possible, go to an instructor-led course. really great. can't recommend enough.

[iceman]

Just recognizing that there is this constant stream of inane chatter constantly going on in your brain and telling it to stop is a huge part of the battle. Your little monkey brain never shuts the fuck up until you tell it to. When it shuts up for a minute you can actually be where you are instead of being lost in a constant stream of regrets, plans, commentary, randomness and just noise, noise, noise.

Generally you slip right back into the chatter in seconds but just knowing that it can be quiet encourages you to keep trying to extend that calm feeling of being in the present. Meditation is about stilling that noise as far as I understand, but i don't think it's the only way to do it. Simply being aware is part of it.

[Mofro261]

Last time I had a panic/anxiety attack I thought my ticker was out of whack and I ended up in the ER with a slew of tests including an angiogram that confirmed that I was in robust health and just needed to lay off the coffee a bit and do some PT for the impingement in the left shoulder that was giving me the pain and numbness in the left arm.

Sometimes the body needs to feel stress to appreciate the joy- Mint Royale.

[zion zig zag]

Thanks for all of the thoughts and ideas. And mostly thanks just for sharing, it's good to know that this will go away.

So, the update to the story: after that one bad night I was fine for the week, but I was self medicating with ambien or alcohol, or both. I had surgery this morning so last night I went drug free, had some anxiety about sleeping because I didn't want a repeat, and of course, stayed up all night with relatively mild anxiety. I had surgery this morning at 0700 which went well, but almost as soon as I get home I have major anxiety again. Even after being under general anesthesia and taking narcotics plus a sleepless night, I'm out crutching around the back yard and stressing instead of sleeping. I can't seem to shift my focus off of catching my breath among other things, etc...

As soon as my wife gets home she is taking me to the instacare, hopefully they can give me something to relax. I am totally willing to quit narcs and be in pain if I can ditch this anxiety. Ugh, maybe the worst thing I've ever dealt with. At least with physical pain I can convince myself that it's temporary.

edit: it seems that not being well rested is a trigger? Which sucks because bedtime triggers anxiety. Big fucking circle.

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Consider Valium/diazpam for good combo of anti anxiety that also works well for pain relief?
It worked well for me during lower back herniated disk/nerve pain. Preferred it over narcotics,which I stopped taking due to same symptoms as you

[The Reverend Floater]

Yeah, lack of sleep is definitely not good for your symptoms. Agree with Powder Goat--that might be a good combo and I know a few friends that have gone that route instead of narcs with good results. Hang in there--it goes away and remember to start deep breathing as soon as you start feeling it coming on.

[Trackhead]

edit: it seems that not being well rested is a trigger? Which sucks because bedtime triggers anxiety. Big fucking circle.

Forgot to mention that when we talked two days ago.......but yeah, no sleep just makes you more neurotic and irrational. You'll get past it, it takes time, but you will, and you'll be stronger for it.

When I first had my issue, I took ambien a few nights just so I could get my fucked up, sleep deprived neurons straightened out a bit. Even one good night sleep, whether you need drugs to achieve it, or not, will be a step in the right direction.

Don't force it and try to beat it, just go with it. For me, that's the only thing that worked. Trying to deny it was happening, or trying to force it from not happening only made it worse. Just go to bed knowing you might not sleep for shit, but your body/mind will sort itself out.

Easier said, than done, but you'll be fine soon.

Oh, and get an Rx for ambien from your physician, so if you need a refill, or a change to something else, they are following you. Instacare docs sometimes are hesitant to write for benzo/ambien, etc. Especially when they look at your recent DOPL and see you have a couple Rx's for dilaudid/percocet, whatever (polypharmacy).

[zion zig zag]

Forgot to mention that when we talked two days ago.......but yeah, no sleep just makes you more neurotic and irrational. You'll get past it, it takes time, but you will, and you'll be stronger for it.

When I first had my issue, I took ambien a few nights just so I could get my fucked up, sleep deprived neurons straightened out a bit. Even one good night sleep, whether you need drugs to achieve it, or not, will be a step in the right direction.

Don't force it and try to beat it, just go with it. For me, that's the only thing that worked. Trying to deny it was happening, or trying to force it from not happening only made it worse. Just go to bed knowing you might not sleep for shit, but your body/mind will sort itself out.

Easier said, than done, but you'll be fine soon.

Oh, and get an Rx for ambien from your physician, so if you need a refill, or a change to something else, they are following you. Instacare docs sometimes are hesitant to write for benzo/ambien, etc. Especially when they look at your recent DOPL and see you have a couple Rx's for dilaudid/percocet, whatever (polypharmacy).

Thanks again for the phone calls, big help.

[Ripzalot]

Just recognizing that there is this constant stream of inane chatter constantly going on in your brain and telling it to stop is a huge part of the battle. Your little monkey brain never shuts the fuck up until you tell it to. When it shuts up for a minute you can actually be where you are instead of being lost in a constant stream of regrets, plans, commentary, randomness and just noise, noise, noise.

Generally you slip right back into the chatter in seconds but just knowing that it can be quiet encourages you to keep trying to extend that calm feeling of being in the present. Meditation is about stilling that noise as far as I understand, but i don't think it's the only way to do it. Simply being aware is part of it.

^^ this^^. seriously, get mindful and work your own way down from the frenzied state you've gotten your mind into. worrying never solved anything. let. it. go.

i really hate to see the suggestions for ambien, xanax, valium. read up on this shit and the side-effects and detoxing required to quit these. i got suckered into ambien and xanax as a short cut and that shit is the devil. and if you find yourself mixing alcohol with them, well, you know you are well into the danger zone.

[Trackhead]

^^ this^^. seriously, get mindful and work your own way down from the frenzied state you've gotten your mind into. worrying never solved anything. let. it. go.

i really hate to see the suggestions for ambien, xanax, valium. read up on this shit and the side-effects and detoxing required to quit these. i got suckered into ambien and xanax as a short cut and that shit is the devil. and if you find yourself mixing alcohol with them, well, you know you are well into the danger zone.

Short term use (one week or less) and they have their place. You won't "detox" off of them if you only take them briefly, as they are intended and prescribed.

But I agree, they are the devil if you approach them the wrong way, as is anything in life.

[ill-advised strategy]

I occasionally use benadryl as a sleep aid. Cheap + otc. Just a thought.

[TWINS]

^^^Yep. Took 2 yesterday for my alergies and crashed hard right after it.
Amazing how Benadryl puts you to sleep.
Trazadone is a light anti anxiety drug also. I have a prescription for it and will take 1/2 a tab if I feel it coming on. Self employed also here.And lots of thinking going on in my monkey brain too. Good luck and try to be present in the moment.
Edgar Tolle has some good books on the subject.

[summit]

Just recognizing that there is this constant stream of inane chatter constantly going on in your brain and telling it to stop is a huge part of the battle. Your little monkey brain never shuts the fuck up until you tell it to. When it shuts up for a minute you can actually be where you are instead of being lost in a constant stream of regrets, plans, commentary, randomness and just noise, noise, noise.

Generally you slip right back into the chatter in seconds but just knowing that it can be quiet encourages you to keep trying to extend that calm feeling of being in the present. Meditation is about stilling that noise as far as I understand, but i don't think it's the only way to do it. Simply being aware is part of it.

^This is a quality succinct post!

Short term use (one week or less) and they have their place. You won't "detox" off of them if you only take them briefly, as they are intended and prescribed.

But I agree, they are the devil if you approach them the wrong way, as is anything in life.

Also agree.

[mcski]

Have your wife stick her finger in your ass and give your prostate a good rubbing any time you need to relieve your anxiety.

[Aldo]

Ha !

Dude you'll be back out there zig zagging before you know it. You just have to shut the engines down and heal. You're gonna be fine, just try to relax. Read, read read...
Honestly the booze ain't gonna help you, find a sleep aid and use it. Rev is right, believe me I know it, sleep deprivation is gonna take you deep. Stay in the moment and have some faith.
You'll be back .