Women and The Holidaze

[iceman]

…yes we know you are stressed by the demands of the Holiday Saeason. Cooking, cleaning, baking, shopping, wrapping presents…who wouldn't be stressed?

Us, that's who. The men in your life. We are not stressed because we don't do that shit. We don't do it because we don't give a shit about it. Couldn't give a rat's ass if everyone gets the perfect gift. Or any gift. And we don't care about wrapping the gifts that we don't care about because we don't fucking care about them in the first place, so how could we care how they are wrapped?

And we don't need any more useless shit either. It takes all year to get rid of the useless shit we got last christmas. So stop worrying about our gift. If we could chill and have a laugh and maybe a drink that would be the perfect gift.

But we can't have that, because you are stressed to the gills, running to the mall, staying up late wrapping shit, and on and on and on.

Don't get us wrong, it's cool to see little kids get consumed by pure greed and be really happy. We'll even help with that, maybe. But the rest of it? Fuckit. Don't do it. And if you choose to do it anyway, at least realize you're doing it because YOU want to do it, not because anyone is making you do it, especially us, and we REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to hear how stressed the stuff you are doing is making you, because YOU'RE THE ONE CHOOSING TO DO IT!!!

Football's on, you know where to find us if the house is on fire. Otherwise, just leave us alone.

Merry Christmas.

[skiballs]

Quit bitchin', you knew the deal when you made it.
No one was stopping you from being a homosexual atheist.

Oh, Merry Christmas.

[Benny Profane]

Hey, you can now use that mall shooting in NJ as an excuse to lie low during the holidaze. See what a little spree got that guy?

[St. Jerry]

Just emailed this to my wife, let's see what happens...

[4matic]

Girlfriend has friend visiting us. The friend has $100k to spend in three weeks. Crazy, Gucci, diamond, Prada, Apple, cosmetics, spending spree. They just left for Las Vegas. Girlfriend bent but did not break and she's taking back two iPhones she bought. All she wants from me is Ugg shoes. Maybe get her two pair! Excellent Colts/Chiefs game.

Remaining abstinent under pressure is stressful.

[Beaver]

Iceman nails it.
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in jeans?

[HansJob]

Read it to her. "Tell me what you do any other day?"
"Nutzn honey."

[narc]

The 'pressure' that gets complained about is mostly self inflicted. Point this out at your peril...

[iceman]

The 'pressure' that gets complained about is mostly self inflicted. Point this out at your peril...

Coulda sworn I said that but hey thanks.

[~mikey b]

Thanks iceman

Prevents me from having to post another "I fucking hate Xmas" thread...

[Benny Profane]

I just unwrapped a bag full of goodies my girlfriend dropped off the other day. (I'm quarantining myself with a pretty hideous flu.) It's sorta ridiculous. The understanding is that I don't want anything, but she has to give me something, right? So, stupid shit like Utz crab flavored chips and bacon flavored chocolate bars are all neatly wrapped and tied and bowed. And, of course, I'm not the only one. Me, it took three days of staring at the cheezy wrapping paper I bought on sale before I finally wrapped her one big present. I swear, they have some genetic need to wrap shit up this time of year. Just stay out of their way and smile.

[Flyoverland Captive]

After six years of pretty much ignoring xmas, my wife got a wild hair and put up a tree this year. She cut it, she put it up, she decorated it, she waters it. It has absolutely nothing to do with me, and she's totally on board with that. Good woman.

[Skistack]

So the sister-in-law was telling the wife about all the gifts she's gotten for my folks.

Uh, wait a minute, didn't we agree we'd just get gifts for the children and not the adults this year? Well she know's that's what we said, but she felt bad not getting them anything.

But it's OK for us to feel like schmucks watching them open all the crap you felt you had to get them?

Do not get it.

[bushman]

My responsibilities are in the dept of finance, ATF, and dept of defense. She takes care of commerce and state dept.

[Hugh Conway]

And if you choose to do it anyway, at least realize you're doing it because YOU want to do it, not because anyone is making you do it, especially us

if they did that they wouldn't be women.

+ a million to your OP

[BmillsSkier]

Scrooges be Scroogin.

You make your own happiness, you set expectations.

Have a Merry Christmas.

Or have a Bourbon.

[Hugh Conway]

shut up and drink your bourbon with an eggnog float

[BmillsSkier]

shut up and drink your bourbon with an eggnog float

Too funny. I just edited to add bourbon to the 'advice'.

I'll have to look into this eggnog float though. Limited space in this glass!

[Elkhound Odin]

Poor Iceman hasn't figured how to get the whole family in the anti-xmas spirit. Next year (if they haven't booted you out of the house) break them down by refusing to put up a Christmas tree. Smartest move I ever made.

[schuss]

I don't get stressed, but I am psyched to give gifts, because it's awesome making kids and your lady happy. Had a rad christmas party where the whole gang came out to be jolly (harder now that we're all in the 30's and a bunch of kids involved). Buying my Dad a chainsaw, have the whole week off, I'm drinking beer and the heat just got fixed.

Merry Christmas all!


PS - I'm pretty sure my wrapping job on a present for the lady qualifies as modern art.

[kevin267]

First world problems....

[hutash]

If you could wrap a blow job= problem solved. Why can't wives get this simple Christmas message. Fuck all this peace on earthe bullshit, it ain't going to happen.

[Benny Profane]

[splat]

[Meadow Skipper]

It was kinda fun back when the kid was little and we lived a pretty long ways from any relatives, but now...fuck. It'd be a lot cooler if everyone'd just chill.

Oh, and:

Quit bitchin', you knew the deal when you made it.
No one was stopping you from being a homosexual atheist.

Just about all the 'mos I know are just as bad as the women.