Thread: The Gaper Spirit Animal

Originally Posted by johngenx

I enjoy the lack of moderation around here, but the member I most wish we'd ban is that AlpineZone fucktard.

But he hasn't done anything on the wonderfully short list of bannable offences. It's like comic relief, really.

Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

But he hasn't done anything on the wonderfully short list of bannable offences. It's like comic relief, really.

The first 8000 times, but not anymore.

written in 1779 by Thomas Jefferson, proclaimed:
"[N]o man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever, nor shall be enforced, restrained, molested, or burthened in his body or goods, nor shall otherwise suffer, on account of his religious opinions or belief; but that all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinions in matters of religion, and that the same shall in no wise diminish, enlarge, or affect their civil capacities."
Those sentiments also found expression in the First Amendment of the national constitution, part of the United States' Bill of Rights:
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..."

Originally Posted by Clownshoe

An excerpt from the book of Clownshoe.

All praise and glory be to the GSA.

This all started yesterday as I rode the Red Chair. After brother Powder11's blessed and miraculous sighting of the GSA on Blackcomb the day before, I was actually scanning for the GSA, hoping against hope, that I may to be so blessed.

Suddenly, like a vision, I spotted some bright orange pants traversing under the Roundhouse towards Paleface. My breath caught in my throat, tears lept to my eyes. Could it be? Although He was several hundred feet away, I though I could see the leg loops of His harness. As the chair continued higher, He was blocked from sight by some trees.

I unloaded the Red Chair, casting the bamboo and rope I was carrying aside, and skated hard towards the Roundhouse. My radio called out for a responder to an injured guest on Whiskey Jack, but I payed it no heed. I knew He was testing me. I went to the point I had last seen Him, and continued quickly down towards Pony Trail when, behold! The GSA, right in front of me, standing proudly in His natural alpine environment.

I was so flabbergasted that a goofy grin appeared on my face as I stood nearby, pretending to straighten a piece of bamboo. I contemplated a friendly hello, but thought better of it, for fear that His Voice might be more than my mortal ears could contain. With shaking hands I pulled out my Contour, and as the GSA departed down the cat track, I followed, knees quaking.

So my secret GSA Contour footage is so shaky that it's hard to watch, but I did manage to screen cap a few bits for everyones enjoyment.  My TGR skills do not extend to embedding photos, my apologies.

The GSA's gym training is clearly paying dividends, and He was very competent on the cat track. He was able to pass several other skiers as if they were standing still.

Oh wait, they were standing still.

I'm not a qualified ski instructor, but I believe I did detect a slight bit of counter rotation. I believe this is His way of showing He understands the frailties of our mortal coil.

As you can see in the second and third pic, the GSA is known far and wide, and acolytes drop to there knees in worship as He approaches. This worshipper even dared to not avert his eyes. That he was not turned to a pillar of salt or struck down by a bolt from the heavens speaks to the benevolence of the GSA.

The fourth pic displays that, as always, the GSA is ready to clip bolts at a moments notice. Not a suprise, because as any true mountain man knows, what good is your harness without quickdraws woven through your pack? Sadly there are no exposed alpine routes requiring protection between the Roundhouse and the Franz's chair, so I was not blessed with a display of His certainly mythical rope skills.

I hope this day provides other believers with an opportunity to witness Him so that we may continue to shout His name from the heights of the TGR forums.

These are words from the book of Clownshoe.

Praise be to the GSA.

Brilliant writing right here folks.

I'm heading back up in a few hours for Mon/Tues, wonder if I can catch him at Merlins, but I guess he will probably be on a flight back east to be at his desk for opening bell tomorrow.

We sighted him today on Blackcomb. He was wearing the climbing harness but not wearing the twin GoPro's. He was skiing under the Excelerator chair, he would certainly need the harness in case he fell into the gapping Excelerator crevasse.

Unfortunately I was too slow fumbling with zipper to get a shot of the GSA.

Praise to Brother Shirk. Another believer for the cause!

Originally Posted by Clownshoe

An excerpt from the book of Clownshoe.

All praise and glory be to the GSA.

This all started yesterday as I rode the Red Chair. After brother Powder11's blessed and miraculous sighting of the GSA on Blackcomb the day before, I was actually scanning for the GSA, hoping against hope, that I may to be so blessed.

Suddenly, like a vision, I spotted some bright orange pants traversing under the Roundhouse towards Paleface. My breath caught in my throat, tears lept to my eyes. Could it be? Although He was several hundred feet away, I though I could see the leg loops of His harness. As the chair continued higher, He was blocked from sight by some trees.

I unloaded the Red Chair, casting the bamboo and rope I was carrying aside, and skated hard towards the Roundhouse. My radio called out for a responder to an injured guest on Whiskey Jack, but I payed it no heed. I knew He was testing me. I went to the point I had last seen Him, and continued quickly down towards Pony Trail when, behold! The GSA, right in front of me, standing proudly in His natural alpine environment.

I was so flabbergasted that a goofy grin appeared on my face as I stood nearby, pretending to straighten a piece of bamboo. I contemplated a friendly hello, but thought better of it, for fear that His Voice might be more than my mortal ears could contain. With shaking hands I pulled out my Contour, and as the GSA departed down the cat track, I followed, knees quaking.

So my secret GSA Contour footage is so shaky that it's hard to watch, but I did manage to screen cap a few bits for everyones enjoyment.  My TGR skills do not extend to embedding photos, my apologies.

The GSA's gym training is clearly paying dividends, and He was very competent on the cat track. He was able to pass several other skiers as if they were standing still.

Oh wait, they were standing still.

I'm not a qualified ski instructor, but I believe I did detect a slight bit of counter rotation. I believe this is His way of showing He understands the frailties of our mortal coil.

As you can see in the second and third pic, the GSA is known far and wide, and acolytes drop to there knees in worship as He approaches. This worshipper even dared to not avert his eyes. That he was not turned to a pillar of salt or struck down by a bolt from the heavens speaks to the benevolence of the GSA.

The fourth pic displays that, as always, the GSA is ready to clip bolts at a moments notice. Not a suprise, because as any true mountain man knows, what good is your harness without quickdraws woven through your pack? Sadly there are no exposed alpine routes requiring protection between the Roundhouse and the Franz's chair, so I was not blessed with a display of His certainly mythical rope skills.

I hope this day provides other believers with an opportunity to witness Him so that we may continue to shout His name from the heights of the TGR forums.

These are words from the book of Clownshoe.

Praise be to the GSA.

I believe I must be blessed to have chosen the same ski as the GSA. I hold no beliefs that I am worthy of his abilities or even his recognition but am truly honoured to ski his anointed floatation sticks.

I was a non-believer in the GSA for the greater part of my adult life, I skied recklessly, slashing powder with reckless abandon, with no purpose or direction, until this thread showed me the way of my sins. I am now preparing for a pilgrimmage to the land of Franz's meadows, to reunite with my inner gaper. I shall prepare for my trip, collecting my oft neglected articles, ice axe, ropes, crampons (skis and boots). I will build a shrine in his honor in the hallowed slopes of Franz's, below Domanskis, calling out with my goose-like note from my avalung, waiting for His presence to drop onto me, blessing me with his powdery goodness, which should make for awesome footage. I am not GoPro worthy yet, only with His blessing shall I humbly mount a GoPro, or 3.

Thank you brother Clownshoe, Powder11, and all prophets of this thread for showing me the way.
I started out laughing out very loud at this thread but after much introspection, I am now welcoming the GSA and his glory into my life.

GSA bless you.

This spring let's have an international GSA day. Strap on as much mountaineering equipment and video taking paraphernalia as you can get your hands on, get your heaviest pack, drag out your biggest touring skis and rip the in-bounds like you never have before! It is like Gaper day, only better.

OMG, look at the sticker on his skis!

I was thinking of, on the last day of the season, skiing down green groomers all day with my airbag inflated. Full mountaineering gear on too, of course...

Originally Posted by DaveTV

OMG, look at the sticker on his skis!

Well, it's time to find his account on Alpinezone.

I may not be worthy of this thread anymore and my macbook overheats as pics of the GSA are displayed. A video will surely be the demise of it. Must resist....must not look.....

Wow what a thread!

He has returned as written in the 1st book of GSA!

ULLR takes orders directly from GSA, correct? Curious as to what the hierarchy is here but surely there can be no higher being than GSA....

Clownshoe u are wise beyond your years and have deserved status as 'chosen one'

Too much win for one thread. My head is about to explode.
As if the GSA wasn't awesome enough, Greg reels in a few.

This is amazing. That is all. Eyes are open.

Originally Posted by AlpineZone

Hi maggots! I would proffer a friendly note of caution, as this thread and the behavior it is spawning and encouraging appears to be edging close to being in violation of "stalking" laws. I would advocate that you peruse your local laws listed in the following links before doing anything else, as you and/or TGR may have liability/legal issues by pursuing this quest:
http://www.crcvc.ca/docs/crimharass.pdf
http://www.esia.net/State_Stalking_Laws.htm
I also would like to take this opportunity to formally invite all TGR Maggots ,TTip-ers, NewSchoolers, Epicureans, jongs and lurkers alike to come join our fun-loving but responsible bunch of snowriding aficionados at http://forums.alpinezone.com/. I think most all of you will find that our seasoned moderators "keep the bar high" by maintaining a sense of order and decorum, while encouraging quality discussion about our favorite pastime. I can assure you that "newbies"'(jongs) are welcomed with open arms by our entire community(unlike here at TGR), and there is no "hazing period" or rudeness tolerated. It may take a small amount of getting used to, as we do have reasonable standards as far as language and image posting that are strictly enforced. The registration is easy and painless, and the rules will be explained in detail during the process. I will warn you however up front that registering an ALIAS is strictly "VERBOTEN", and something we have zero-tolerance with. If you are tired of the juvenile goings-on at TGR and Newschoolers and yearn for a snowriding forum that matches your maturity level, all I can say is: "Come join the fun"!

Greg, you really are slipping in 2012. You didn't make a killington reference therefore precluding your mention of hot Jersey babes, and superior killington snowmaking especially during a crap year for the east. It is also not suprising that your and Peyton Manning's domes look eerily familiar.

This thread is the tits. You guys rock.

Best.Thread.Ever.

Tears of joy doth stain my cheeks that my fellow PNW'ers hath basked in the splendor of the glory.

Clownshoe, beautiful scripture! I did read it in the voice of brother Maynard

"And the GSA did grid, and the TGR Forum Dwellers did feast upon the pictures. and the scripture. and the images of its immaculate benevolence..."

Originally Posted by fids11

Wow what a thread!

He has returned as written in the 1st book of GSA!

ULLR takes orders directly from GSA, correct? Curious as to what the hierarchy is here but surely there can be no higher being than GSA....

Clownshoe u are wise beyond your years and have deserved status as 'chosen one'

I searched again high and low, over both mountains. Franz's, Catskinner, Magic chair.
I could not find the great GSA.
I blame myself.
I left for the concrete jungle the first day of his Whistler resurrection. I should have known. The GSA has refocused me.

And yes Ullr does take orders from the GSA. It is snowing again, heavily.
I fear this may mean the departure of the great one, or perhaps he has gone on a solo Spearhead Traverse.

He has chosen great disciples.....Powder11, Clownshoe, Neuro,shirk have truly been blessed.

Off to continue my search......

Let not the miles of snow between ye and the GSA slow ye down. Remember, He is omnipotent and He is omnipresent. He knows how many chairs ye ride and slopes ye ski to be near Him. His grace is magnificent and glowing, His harness irresistible and His technique impeccable.
He is all seeing and keeps a record of all things on the mountain, in the gym and in the ski shops of this world. Though He must tend to important matters on Wall Street, He shall divine His GSA image to appear before true believers across the land. Ye must not worship lesser beings such as Greg From Alpinezone (aka the GFA, a false prophet), lest ye thoughts wander to wayward idolatry from that which is Him, diviner of the snows, projector of His image, recorder of all.
Do not blaspheme the GSA, lest the horn of the unicorn cast ye to the wolves of TGR. May the GSA have mercy on your soul.

Now I am confused. I don't know who to believe in any more.

Quality material here, dare I say post if the year?

Sent from my PC36100 using TGR Forums

Originally Posted by Clownshoe

An excerpt from the book of Clownshoe.

All praise and glory be to the GSA.

This all started yesterday as I rode the Red Chair. After brother Powder11's blessed and miraculous sighting of the GSA on Blackcomb the day before, I was actually scanning for the GSA, hoping against hope, that I may to be so blessed.

Suddenly, like a vision, I spotted some bright orange pants traversing under the Roundhouse towards Paleface. My breath caught in my throat, tears lept to my eyes. Could it be? Although He was several hundred feet away, I though I could see the leg loops of His harness. As the chair continued higher, He was blocked from sight by some trees...

I would like to formally nominate Clownshoe 1:1-20, combined with images bestowed upon us of Him, as post of the year. I wept reading this gospel.

Praise be to Gaper Spirit Animal.