Thread: The Gaper Spirit Animal

Originally Posted by wheels

All hail the benevolant GSA

I have but a humble offering to make. Since this devine thread was started I have laughed and cryed from laughing so hard, but i fear the days of the GSA living without knowledge of his benevolance are comming to a close. What shall become of the GSA when he unsuspectedly peers down in the ski school line and sees his own devine image on a maggots skis? Will this force him into hiding or perhaps cause him to change his holy robes so tracking him becomes a near impossibility.... I fear we may lose the Gaper Spirit Animal that has brought us all such joy and laughter.

All that being said I would shit myself if I saw a sticker with my image on it and had no idea what it was about...Ill take 4

I answer your question with another. What did Jesus do when he found he was the son of god? Being a humble carpenter (investment banker) traveling the land performing amazing miracles (brother Maximus witness to the Parting of the Avy). You see the journey of discovery we are witnessing in using this medium is no different than the scribes scribbling on their leather skins or stone etchings. His mother, The virgin Sherry, she went on a pilgrimage to Alaska to cleanse her sinful life, upon her return her vehicle collided with a radio shack delivery truck with prototype helmet cam technology They removed a bastard child from her loins before she left this world.........Here we are today bearing witness

I haven't had this much fun in a single (dare I say epic) thread ever. although <3carving was a good time

For the record, the GSA was not observed at Szklarska Poreba on the Poland-Czech Republic border this past weekend. I think it is safe to assume that the GSA, should it take it's almighty skills to Europe, will stay focused in the central Alps and not the non-Carpathian mountains of eastern Europe.

Originally Posted by Tunco

^^We must get this added to the emoticon list. It is the least we can do. Adornment, if you will.

Behold, the word of ULLR. After sharing many a drink of Winter, the spirit and vision of the Gaper Spirit Animal and ULLR shared these teachings with me.

Please my brothers share in the teachings of ULLR and the prophecy of the Gaper Spirit Animal.

Below are the writings of the apostle admx:

Chapter 1: The awakening

And so it was foretold for millennia that ULLR would return to the Earth realm.
ULLR in his greatness would choose a vassal of flesh to bring the sprit of winter
back to man.

And it was so. In the winter of two thousand ten and one in the land of New York
on the ocean of Atlantic in the town of Manhattan. ULLR appeared during the
time of man known as the Snowpocalypse.

ULLR found his vassal in the temple of Morgan Stanley, and he appeared before
this body of flesh and said “Yeah on to you the chosen vassal of ULLR, the god
and spirit of Winter. It has been foretold that I would return to the Earth realm
and be among men. You will become me in flesh, I will bestow a pawn you the
majestic nature of the Unicorn, the quickness of the Eagle, and the strength of
the Great bear.”

And it was so.

ULLR declared the chosen one to be the Gaper Sprit Animal and he said “Go forth
In the temple of Morgan Stanley and train, and become strong like the Great bear, fast
like the Eagle and majestic as a Unicorn; for you are me in the flesh”

And it was so.


Chapter 2: The divine equipping

For day, year and a fortnight the chosen one trained and once he was strong
as the Great bear, quick as an Eagle and his being shown with the majesty of
the Unicorn. ULLR appeared before himself again.

“You are me in the flesh and as such you shall fashion your self in my image”

“Go forth and acquire the tools of Winter and spear no expense. For you are
ULLR in the flesh among men and shall need no more no less than a harness, shovel,
beacon and probe. Adorn your great helm of Winter with no less than two GoPro
and one Contour HD. For this is like the helm of old and will strike fear in the
non-believers”

And it was so.



Chapter 3: The evangelization of man

It was foretold that ULLR would return to the Earth realm in the Flesh and bring
forth the Gaper Spirit Animal. The benevolent Gaper Spirit Animal would bring
the teachings of ULLR to mankind to bring back the old ways and the
spirit of Winter.

And it was so.

ULLR appeared before the Gaper Spirit Animal and declared, “You are me
in the flesh, I have bestowed on to you the strength of the Great bear, the
quickness of the Eagle, and your spirit shines with the majesty of the
Unicorn. You have fashioned your self in my image and built the
helm of Winter; spearing no expense.”

“Go forth for you are me in the flesh and spread the word and spirit of
Winter. Venture to the county of the Eagle, spread the prophecy in
the valley of the Great Salt Lake. Nor forget the land of what was
once two resorts and is now one with on great glacier. Travel and
spread my word far and wide spear no expense.

ULLR declared “The winter solstice in the age of man two thousand,
ten and two shall bring a great awakening and the spirit of Winter
will forever be.”

“Alas be warned of the false prophets, those from the zones of alpine,
and the members of the clan of the internet trolls. For they will bring
blasphemy.”

“Hark on to you myself in the flesh, for the followers of ULLR will
be known as maggots, and not fully known to you. For that is your
chosen destiny as the Gaper Spirit Animal”

And it was so.

The word of ULLR. Praise be onto him, hail the Gaper Spirit Animal.

I fear the GSA has gone underground. Maybe his training is complete and he's heading for AK? Or perhaps he'll head due south to the PNW to further hone his skills? Maggots in these areas should be on alert for a possible resurfacing.

Originally Posted by TahoeJ

I fear the GSA has gone underground. Maybe his training is complete and he's heading for AK? Or perhaps he'll head due south to the PNW to further hone his skills? Maggots in these areas should be on alert for a possible resurfacing.

I am prepared for His coming here in Oregon. I purchased a surplus of GoPro batteries, set them ablaze, and did the Kevin Costner Ta-Tonka dance while flapping my arms like an eagle around the blue fire. That should bring the holy GSA for sure. I am ready to face my maker.

Originally Posted by wheels

All that being said I would shit myself if I saw a sticker with my image on it and had no idea what it was about...Ill take 4

I have seen the evidence and yes I have studied and relished the lore as it develops. My question is how do we repent and honor the GSA in our own meager ways? It seems logical to kneel in prayer with my head bowed and facing towards Alaska. I will perform this in lift lines while I await for the go ahead to start the much anticipated Peak/ Glacier chair upload. This ritual will also be performed in thanks when a banquet of pow beckons me from below. How though should I repent if I have sinned and offended the GSA? what can be done to appease him? So I ask you my TGR brethren it is your guidance I need.

Originally Posted by acinpdx

All these pages and no "GSA" alias?!?

TGR trolls are slipping

I thought about it. But those are some really big shoes to fill. With a flock of people following every letter as if it was scripture. You would have to have a wit and wisdom that is beyond my mortal intellect. Also it would have to be under the premise that GSA is self aware which he is not.

Originally Posted by point it

I have seen the evidence and yes I have studied and relished the lore as it develops. My question is how do we repent and honor the GSA in our own meager ways? It seems logical to kneel in prayer with my head bowed and facing towards Alaska. I will perform this in lift lines while I await for the go ahead to start the much anticipated Peak/ Glacier chair upload. This ritual will also be performed in thanks when a banquet of pow beckons me from below. How though should I repent if I have sinned and offended the GSA? what can be done to appease him? So I ask you my TGR brethren it is your guidance I need.

You'll need to hold up a BELIEVE sticker and get everyone in the lift line to kneel in His honor, then post a pic of all that here.

These are hard times. I now have a serious jones for the GSA. My appetite cannot be sated. I seek out visions of him, hitting the refresh button over and over for hours but, alas, I am left emotionally drained, overcome with a desire for His presence, His image, for the apparition to appear on my screen. This is where the whole faith part comes in. I know it's difficult, but I must keep my faith. To keep myself occupied, I drift into an ethereal mist where I see Gary Busey playing the role of the GSA in that feature length movie, then I think, "Aaaah, Gary Busey? I know he had a stellar role in those Christian movies about the apocalypse....But could he actually portray the GSA? Is he good enough? Can we get him to stop drinking long enough to understand the importance of the role?"

Hard times indeed for those of us overwhelmed by the GSA Spirit.

Originally Posted by Ski to Be

I thought about it. But those are some really big shoes to fill. With a flock of people following every letter as if it was scripture. You would have to have a wit and wisdom that is beyond my mortal intellect. Also it would have to be under the premise that GSA is self aware which he is not.

and no one's done it over on NS either yet [hint]

Originally Posted by acinpdx

and no one's done it over on NS either yet [hint]

You will find a shallow pool of those worthy on Newschoolers. His greatness is such that there can be only one true forum that one can worship from. To do anything other would dilute the faith. This cannot be.

What would the GSA's trashed skis be worth, anyway?

With no further sightings, despite our diligent efforts, focus should shift back to NYC.

I hope our East Coast mags can continue the stalk, I mean search.

I wonder if an analysis of the weather and snow forecasts from Colorado and BC before the GSA showed up could allow us to formulate some kind of a GSAcast, allowing us to predict his future travels...

Originally Posted by rideit

What would the GSA's trashed skis be worth, anyway?

about the same value the holy grail is worth.

dumb question

What´s the opinion on giving him a pro callout? Sacrilege or praise?

If his next itinerary is Squaw, that should resolve this important theological knot.

Originally Posted by rideit

What would the GSA's trashed skis be worth, anyway?

Invalid question.
The GSA's skis are never harmed since he only skis the floatiest snow and deepest powder and his omni-potent control of the snow pack protects him where snowsnakes lurk.
Besides, no mortal could ever hope to control the power contained within a pair of the GSA's skis.

whooosh, you two.

Originally Posted by splat

You'll need to hold up a BELIEVE sticker and get everyone in the lift line to kneel in His honor, then post a pic of all that here.

I would like to propose a gathering of believers outside the offices of Morgan Stanley wearing our airbag or avalung packs, skis, climbing harnesses, gopros, contours etc. and holding signs that only say believe. I can think of no finer place to worship on the east coast.

I fear our lack of coverage in Tahoe this year has made us an unworthy destination for the GSA. But I would say a GSA-callout would be sacrilege, as he is still unaware.

Originally Posted by SiSt

What´s the opinion on giving him a pro callout? Sacrilege or praise?

If his next itinerary is Squaw, that should resolve this important theological knot.

Originally Posted by chatton18

I would like to propose a gathering of believers outside the offices of Morgan Stanley wearing our airbag or avalung packs, skis, climbing harnesses, gopros, contours etc. and holding signs that only say believe. I can think of no finer place to worship on the east coast.

Rumor has it that the humanoid form that GSA has chosen to utilize as his vessel while on Ullrs mission to earth was a complete douchnozzle before the GSA took over his body. Should the GSA ever become self-aware, such a display would be awesome - hilarious for the worshippers and embarrasing as all hell for the toolbag who has had their body taken over by the mighty GSA.

Let me know how it feels to be stabbed in the heart with one of his mighty poles.

The only thing that needs to be called out is his absolute power, fluid/perfect skiing technique, and ability to make grown men cry.

Originally Posted by SiSt

What´s the opinion on giving him a pro callout? Sacrilege or praise?

If his next itinerary is Squaw, that should resolve this important theological knot.

Occupy GSA?

Originally Posted by chatton18

I would like to propose a gathering of believers outside the offices of Morgan Stanley wearing our airbag or avalung packs, skis, climbing harnesses, gopros, contours etc. and holding signs that only say believe. I can think of no finer place to worship on the east coast.

Chuck Norris gets into a fist fight with GSA... who wins?







Trick question. Chuck Norris was melted and the liquid remnants were injected into GSA's body.