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Thread: The Gaper Spirit Animal
03-07-2012, 08:10 AM #801
03-07-2012, 08:17 AM #802
I haven't had this much fun in a single (dare I say epic) thread ever. although <3carving was a good timeembrace the gape
03-07-2012, 08:20 AM #803
For the record, the GSA was not observed at Szklarska Poreba on the Poland-Czech Republic border this past weekend. I think it is safe to assume that the GSA, should it take it's almighty skills to Europe, will stay focused in the central Alps and not the non-Carpathian mountains of eastern Europe.He who shall so shall he who.
03-07-2012, 09:27 AM #804
03-07-2012, 09:43 AM #805
The writings of the apostle admx
Behold, the word of ULLR. After sharing many a drink of Winter, the spirit and vision of the Gaper Spirit Animal and ULLR shared these teachings with me.
Please my brothers share in the teachings of ULLR and the prophecy of the Gaper Spirit Animal.
Below are the writings of the apostle admx:
Chapter 1: The awakening
And so it was foretold for millennia that ULLR would return to the Earth realm.
ULLR in his greatness would choose a vassal of flesh to bring the sprit of winter
back to man.
And it was so. In the winter of two thousand ten and one in the land of New York
on the ocean of Atlantic in the town of Manhattan. ULLR appeared during the
time of man known as the Snowpocalypse.
ULLR found his vassal in the temple of Morgan Stanley, and he appeared before
this body of flesh and said “Yeah on to you the chosen vassal of ULLR, the god
and spirit of Winter. It has been foretold that I would return to the Earth realm
and be among men. You will become me in flesh, I will bestow a pawn you the
majestic nature of the Unicorn, the quickness of the Eagle, and the strength of
the Great bear.”
And it was so.
ULLR declared the chosen one to be the Gaper Sprit Animal and he said “Go forth
In the temple of Morgan Stanley and train, and become strong like the Great bear, fast
like the Eagle and majestic as a Unicorn; for you are me in the flesh”
And it was so.
Chapter 2: The divine equipping
For day, year and a fortnight the chosen one trained and once he was strong
as the Great bear, quick as an Eagle and his being shown with the majesty of
the Unicorn. ULLR appeared before himself again.
“You are me in the flesh and as such you shall fashion your self in my image”
“Go forth and acquire the tools of Winter and spear no expense. For you are
ULLR in the flesh among men and shall need no more no less than a harness, shovel,
beacon and probe. Adorn your great helm of Winter with no less than two GoPro
and one Contour HD. For this is like the helm of old and will strike fear in the
And it was so.
Chapter 3: The evangelization of man
It was foretold that ULLR would return to the Earth realm in the Flesh and bring
forth the Gaper Spirit Animal. The benevolent Gaper Spirit Animal would bring
the teachings of ULLR to mankind to bring back the old ways and the
spirit of Winter.
And it was so.
ULLR appeared before the Gaper Spirit Animal and declared, “You are me
in the flesh, I have bestowed on to you the strength of the Great bear, the
quickness of the Eagle, and your spirit shines with the majesty of the
Unicorn. You have fashioned your self in my image and built the
helm of Winter; spearing no expense.”
“Go forth for you are me in the flesh and spread the word and spirit of
Winter. Venture to the county of the Eagle, spread the prophecy in
the valley of the Great Salt Lake. Nor forget the land of what was
once two resorts and is now one with on great glacier. Travel and
spread my word far and wide spear no expense.
ULLR declared “The winter solstice in the age of man two thousand,
ten and two shall bring a great awakening and the spirit of Winter
will forever be.”
“Alas be warned of the false prophets, those from the zones of alpine,
and the members of the clan of the internet trolls. For they will bring
“Hark on to you myself in the flesh, for the followers of ULLR will
be known as maggots, and not fully known to you. For that is your
chosen destiny as the Gaper Spirit Animal”
And it was so.
The word of ULLR. Praise be onto him, hail the Gaper Spirit Animal.
03-07-2012, 09:55 AM #806
I fear the GSA has gone underground. Maybe his training is complete and he's heading for AK? Or perhaps he'll head due south to the PNW to further hone his skills? Maggots in these areas should be on alert for a possible resurfacing.
03-07-2012, 10:35 AM #807
03-07-2012, 10:39 AM #808
03-07-2012, 11:09 AM #809
I have seen the evidence and yes I have studied and relished the lore as it develops. My question is how do we repent and honor the GSA in our own meager ways? It seems logical to kneel in prayer with my head bowed and facing towards Alaska. I will perform this in lift lines while I await for the go ahead to start the much anticipated Peak/ Glacier chair upload. This ritual will also be performed in thanks when a banquet of pow beckons me from below. How though should I repent if I have sinned and offended the GSA? what can be done to appease him? So I ask you my TGR brethren it is your guidance I need.
03-07-2012, 11:13 AM #810License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations
03-07-2012, 11:29 AM #811
These are hard times. I now have a serious jones for the GSA. My appetite cannot be sated. I seek out visions of him, hitting the refresh button over and over for hours but, alas, I am left emotionally drained, overcome with a desire for His presence, His image, for the apparition to appear on my screen. This is where the whole faith part comes in. I know it's difficult, but I must keep my faith. To keep myself occupied, I drift into an ethereal mist where I see Gary Busey playing the role of the GSA in that feature length movie, then I think, "Aaaah, Gary Busey? I know he had a stellar role in those Christian movies about the apocalypse....But could he actually portray the GSA? Is he good enough? Can we get him to stop drinking long enough to understand the importance of the role?"
Hard times indeed for those of us overwhelmed by the GSA Spirit.
03-07-2012, 11:34 AM #812go ahead and huck the cornice anywhere!
03-07-2012, 11:59 AM #813"All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it."
03-07-2012, 12:12 PM #814
What would the GSA's trashed skis be worth, anyway?
03-07-2012, 12:22 PM #815
With no further sightings, despite our diligent efforts, focus should shift back to NYC.
I hope our East Coast mags can continue the stalk, I mean search.
I wonder if an analysis of the weather and snow forecasts from Colorado and BC before the GSA showed up could allow us to formulate some kind of a GSAcast, allowing us to predict his future travels...
03-07-2012, 12:26 PM #816
03-07-2012, 12:27 PM #817
What´s the opinion on giving him a pro callout? Sacrilege or praise?
If his next itinerary is Squaw, that should resolve this important theological knot.simen (at) downskis.com DOWN SKIS
03-07-2012, 12:28 PM #818
The GSA's skis are never harmed since he only skis the floatiest snow and deepest powder and his omni-potent control of the snow pack protects him where snowsnakes lurk.
Besides, no mortal could ever hope to control the power contained within a pair of the GSA's skis.Aim for the chopping block. If you aim for the wood, you will have nothing. Aim past the wood, aim through the wood.
03-07-2012, 12:30 PM #819
whooosh, you two.
03-07-2012, 12:40 PM #820Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
03-07-2012, 12:46 PM #821
03-07-2012, 12:49 PM #822Going where the wind don't blow so strange
Maybe on some high cold mountain range
03-07-2012, 12:50 PM #823
03-07-2012, 12:54 PM #824
03-07-2012, 12:58 PM #825
Chuck Norris gets into a fist fight with GSA... who wins?
Trick question. Chuck Norris was melted and the liquid remnants were injected into GSA's body.