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02-08-2012, 08:42 PM #1
Need advice for finding pot in your stepson's pocket, WWMD?
Okay- I'm in need of some serious Maggot help...
Without freaking out too much or coming across as a hypocrite, I need some outside advice on how parent's handle the "I just cleaned out pockets before the wash" of my teenager find and discussion/consequences to follow. I found a film canister and lighter in his pocket, haven't confronted him yet. Part of me was bummed out to find this, part of the old hippie in me was bummed out that he did not leave me anything to smoke while dealing with this. I'm not his mother, but his mother is of the attitude "Well you didn't find a pipe yet" and his father is ready to take all snowboarding away and ground him for life route. He lives with us the majority of the time so I can't ignore this, but at the same time I'm not sure what the next turn to take is. I keep telling myself it could be so much worse, but what would maggots do? Insight appreciated and I'm sure this topic was covered at some point but I do not have the patience to search, thanks in advance...
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02-08-2012, 08:46 PM #2
You told the dad already?
Aww man, you lost an opportunity to bond with him somehow.....or, you could defend him and get him off the hook?Terje was right.
"We're all kooks to somebody else." -Shelby Menzel
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02-08-2012, 08:49 PM #3
SMOKE IT!!!!
That'll teach him. Tell him to be more careful. The cops wouldn't be so understanding.
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02-08-2012, 08:50 PM #4
OMG!!!!!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!
How old is he? Does he mostly have his shit together? Probably not a big deal. Lots of people that smoked pot turn out ok.__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ________________
"We don't need predator control, we need whiner control. Anyone who complains that "the gummint oughta do sumpin" about the wolves and coyotes should be darted, caged, and released in a more suitable habitat for them, like the middle of Manhattan." - Spats
"I'm constantly doing things I can't do. Thats how I get to do them." - Pablo Picasso
Cisco and his wife are fragile idiots who breed morons.
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02-08-2012, 08:50 PM #5
Is this teen closer to 13 or 18?
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02-08-2012, 08:54 PM #6Banned
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Vote Ron Paul...
QUICK!!!!
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02-08-2012, 08:56 PM #7
Make him buy you a bag.
But Ellen kicks ass - if she had a beard it would be much more haggard. -Jer
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02-08-2012, 08:59 PM #8
I'd worry that he had his own stash. Means he might be smoking on a regular basis. If he gets stoned on occasion with friends and is not still in middle school then maybe it's harmless. If he's getting stoned as a habit as a teen I'd take it seriously.
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02-08-2012, 09:01 PM #9
Be THANKFUL it wasn't pills or another deadly drug. Studies are showing what many have previously known; cannabis is GOOD for you.
If you don't want him on it, then have an ADULT conversation about it with him and deny privileges. If you are really anal and want him to hate you, have him drug tested.Denver Dirt Pimp - Feel free to hit me up with any RE questions.
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02-08-2012, 09:02 PM #10
not a parent disclaimer. If it was me, i'd probably return them both to him asap, with a 'guess we'll have a little chat tomorrow?' And give him time to think and stew in it a bit. There's several imbedded issues, obviously. But one of them is not getting caught as in being careless with that shit. Reminds me of my stepmom accidentally pulling something out of the closet that tipped over the bong i had stashed there. Bongwater spilled all over her. heh.
Something about the wrinkle in your forehead tells me there's a fit about to get thrown
And I never hear a single word you say when you tell me not to have my fun
It's the same old shit that I ain't gonna take off anyone.
and I never had a shortage of people tryin' to warn me about the dangers I pose to myself.
Patterson Hood of the DBT's
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02-08-2012, 09:04 PM #11
That's the question- when do I take it seriously? Part of me would love to take any remainders and enjoy a powder day, knowing it could be so much worse. Part of me would love to blow it off and say what until the next find. But I'm at a point where I am a huge influence on him, so suddenly my fucked up opinions that only mattered to me in the past now affect a 14 year old. Ugh, I'm screwed...
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02-08-2012, 09:08 PM #12
he knows you saw/found it, so you have to deal with it. 14's almost a little young, oh, wait, when did i start. He will respect an awkward honest chat about it...
Something about the wrinkle in your forehead tells me there's a fit about to get thrown
And I never hear a single word you say when you tell me not to have my fun
It's the same old shit that I ain't gonna take off anyone.
and I never had a shortage of people tryin' to warn me about the dangers I pose to myself.
Patterson Hood of the DBT's
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02-08-2012, 09:13 PM #13
Now, to teach you boys a lesson, officer Rando and I are gonna stand here while you smoke the whole bag
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02-08-2012, 09:14 PM #14
Be an adult and make the kid uncomfortable with one of the 'talks'...
14 is way to young to condone it and they probably won't take you serious unless you feel slightly hypocritical...www.dpsskis.com
www.point6.com
formerly an ambassador for a few others, but the ski industry is... interesting.
Fukt: a very small amount of snow.
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02-08-2012, 09:15 PM #15
make sure he knows that you know...
and you should take his snowboard away... only because snowboarding is dumbIts not that I suck at spelling, its that I just don't care
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02-08-2012, 09:26 PM #16
Take his pot, don't give him any money, and tell him never bring it in the house or take it to school. You earn a living and he doesn't so he has no call on judgement.
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02-08-2012, 09:31 PM #17
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02-08-2012, 09:37 PM #18doughboyshredder Guest
Tough one.
At that same age my parents chose the route of smoking up with me, but also making it very clear that there were strict rules. Grades had to be kept up. Chores had to be kept up. It was NOT allowed in the house, and if I was ever found to have brought it in to the house my ass was grass (brother and I kept it stashed in a tree down the driveway). Basically, I had to be a good kid, and if there were any problems, they would be dealt with. As I got older one of the rules was no smoking and driving. Less than a year after getting my drivers license I got caught smoking in my car. Rents sold it the next day. I was then on "probation" for 6 months. If I got caught doing anything I would be grounded indefinitely. Random drug tests were held over my head the whole time.
I do think that 14 is too young to be smoking pot (at least any more than very occasionally). I ended up turning out o.k. Contrary to popular opinion, I know. Seriously, though, I am self employed, own a house, have my shit together, etc...
One of my good friends from HS on the other hand. As far as we know he is either dead or living on the streets. His mom was incredibly strict and very anti drug. She wouldn't let him get away with anything. Constantly grounding him, etc.. Of course, he rebelled. He started getting in to harder drugs before he even got out of H.S. I am not sure if he even graduated.
I don't have kids yet, and this is one of the experiences I am not looking forward to dealing with.
From my experience being the kid, and my experiences with drug use, and sobriety, I think it's important to have a real adult discussion with him. Don't blow smoke up his ass. Be honest with him about the potential serious downfalls, and the times when it can be a fun thing to do. I think you should also really try and help him understand that getting in to drugs and alcohol at this early of an age, can stunt his emotional, physical, and intellectual development.
Anyway, good luck.
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02-08-2012, 09:37 PM #19Registered User
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I think you have to punish him a little, but not too harshly since it is a first offense. Go with mild punishment now, with a bigger threat for next time. I don't think pot's any different than alcohol, but you can't be doing that shit at 14. I would not be angry about it, just tell him "look, your brain's still developing, so are your lungs, and this is really not good for you. "
I don't know. Overall, I bet this is much harder that it seems. You can't really get in a big fight over pot. But, if he does smoke a lot of pot at 14, I think it reduces his odds of faring well later. But, if you tell him he can't do it now, but it's not that big a thing for older people, he'll just think it's stupid that he can't do it now becaues I'm sure he thinks he's all grown up.
Good luck.
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02-08-2012, 09:43 PM #20You know, you can swear on this site. Fuck, shit bitch. See?
A gun is like a parachute. If you need one, and don’t have one, you’ll probably never need one again
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02-08-2012, 09:46 PM #21
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02-08-2012, 09:50 PM #22
You should figure out what you would do if you found empty beer cans in his bag. Then do that.
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02-08-2012, 10:09 PM #23
What I did. Took it away. Had a frank discussion that THIS family would not tolerate such dangerous, illegal behavior. A good boy had made a bad choice. Then I smoked it myself without him knowing. But we had the benefit of 15 years of working on the rules before that day. Had he been a 21 y.o. it would have been a different scene but as a teenager, you gotta draw the lines. Dad-- "I'm really disapointed son" carries weight. Some consequences but not draconian. Presenting a united parental approach is key. Good luck.
A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.
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02-08-2012, 10:12 PM #24
Are you kidding me? Your not his real Mom, what do you care? Is he 8 years old? Dont be a snitch, give him his shit back. Do you have any idea how hard it is to score weed in Montana? You belong in the Hall of Lame.
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02-08-2012, 10:15 PM #25
In order of importance.
If you can't handle your work, grades, sports, whatever, and not meeting goals you had better not have diversions.
Weed is a recreation or a medicine. At that age, you most likely don't have much time recreation, and don't need medicine....all the time.
Alcohol is much worse because of the physical effects and addiction potential, just like cigs.
Any drug, prescription, or grown, can be abused, learn to not make the wrong choices in experimentation.Terje was right.
"We're all kooks to somebody else." -Shelby Menzel
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