Playa Remanso Stone Trick...ATTEMPT!

**BS720** · 09-11-2011, 12:54 PM

So, last week, my buddy and I are cruising around SJDS, Nica. We are in my rental car, which is woefully inept on the roads down here. There were some issues with a certain road (Yanqui), where they were repairing it, but hadn't graded it yet. There were pieces of a rubber protective mat hanging off the car, making a terrible racket. We had already surfed, and decided to grab a brew at Remanso, maybe check the surf. The road has five creek crossings, varying wildly in depth and character. If you slow way down and approach at an angle, you're fine. We drank our beers, surf looked like shit. We were going to hike over the hill to check the next beach, but the bartender said not to take valuables, because we would get robbed. Fuck that, I'm not getting robbed! Buddy, "J, you know we could be robbed on the way out of here, right? Bullshit. Midday, midweek? Not a chance. Spooked at the suggestion, we take off. Drive up to the first bad creek, there are two bowling ball sized rocks in front if the creek. Slam the brakes on, throw it in reverse, hammer the gas. Look back up the hill to my left, guy in a red ski mask is picking up a 6' log, maybe 9" around. Slam it into drive, slalom in between the boulders, catch air coming out of the creek and I'm gone.

**BirdRock** · 09-12-2011, 06:54 PM

well played.

**Piggity** · 09-13-2011, 12:21 AM

Power move. Did you give him the peace out sign as you aired out of the puddle?

**BS720** · 09-15-2011, 08:16 PM

No, but I did give him the one fingered salute while he was fiddling with that big ass log. Travel tip: Cover your Hertz sticker with a huge Tranquilo sticker.

Piggity, dawn patrol Sunday morning?

Edit: Scratch that. There's nothing to patrol. That sucks.

**Piggity** · 09-17-2011, 09:56 PM

Not much to patrol! You in town all week?

**Boarding Medic** · 09-18-2011, 02:20 PM

Dude,
Same kind of thing happened to me at that same place a few years ago. We drove over the top of the hill in a 4x4 and parked on the other side of the barbed wire fence. We surfed some decent close outs and were waiting for the last guy of our 4 to get out when we saw 4 Nica dudes trying to hide in the jungle behind us.
My last friend got out and the 4 of us (all 200 lbs + guys) found large walking sticks (baseball bat size clubs) on the beach. We tried to just walk away and stay low key. But 4 Nica dudes popped out of the jungle with machetes, between us and our truck. One of the guys I was with spoke good spanish and the exchange went something like this
Them - "Give us your keys and money"
Us - "Fuck you, come take it"
Them - "we are serious"
Us - "so are we"
I thought we were in real trouble. But I guess the thieves just thought they would find and easier target and walked back into to the jungle. We walked (fast) back to the car and set a 4x4 speed record out of there. Just lucky the average Nica guy is only about 5'5 and 110 lbs.
The experience spooked us for sure. But in 2 more weeks we never had anything even close to another problem

**BS720** · 09-18-2011, 05:28 PM

Smart. We discussed this at length. 4 on 4, you are pretty safe. I was pondering the use of pepper spray, or maybe a 5' section of 1" lead pipe. Instead of telling them to come get it, you start screaming, swinging the pipe over your head and running at them(think Jack, in Sideways, with the golf club). They don't expect you to be prepared, and they don't expect you to fight. I gottsta say, though, if I got one shot in clean, I'd put in a few extra blows for all those who'd gone before me.

One thing that came in handy was having a nica in the car with me.

Piggity, no, this was pretty much a drive by. Lil Bro graduated from SQT, and now has the bird on his chest. I need to get back to work, after a solid month off.

**Boarding Medic** · 09-18-2011, 07:35 PM

We talked to a few local guys about the whole thing in SJDS later. We weren't the first to get that treatment at that spot. Heard about 2 guys that got EVERYTHING taken. Had to walk back naked.

**BS720** · 09-19-2011, 01:48 AM

Yeah, police in SJDS had supposedly just arrested eleven guys for the same kind of thing. Supposedly, the walk north from Maderas is legendary for that shit.

Naked? As I live in nor/central, that would really be embarrassing. On the other hand, maybe they would have been blinded.

**wolfelot** · 09-19-2011, 08:46 AM

Nice work guys. I was at that exact same place over Labor Day weekend in 2010. We had no issues though.

**Piggity** · 09-19-2011, 10:29 AM

IMHO, this is the what I was describing in another thread about the difference between Nica and Costa Rica. For the most part Ticos in CR will just wait for you to turn your head and then steal instead of threatening/using force to take it. There are some great people in Nica but things can go down a lot easier than in CR.

I think I mentioned us drafting the 18 wheelers so we could blow past check points. Even people from other Central American countries were getting the gringo shakedown. Just some things you gotta consider when choosing CR or Nica

**BS720** · 09-20-2011, 01:17 AM

^^I specifically asked my host about this, since he lives down there. He said he'd never seen or heard of a checkpoint. I figured out really fucking fast that the orange cones meant you would part fast with your money. The 18 wheeler trick works pretty damn good, other than spitting rocks at your windshield. I learned quickly to appreciate this advice.

I think one huge thing that has been pointed out quietly is that the Nica's, while they're willing to brandish a machete, aren't dying to use it. They want money, yet they don't want to go to jail for your money. I, for one, don't want anyone to swing a blade at me, whether they plan on using it or not. On the other hand, I really would rather share a roaring point with my two friends, rather than twenty strangers. Something to consider in the CR vs Nica schtickel of flouride.

**Clownshoe** · 09-20-2011, 11:45 PM

I spent a couple weeks in Nica last year. I had my flip flops and shorts stolen in Popoyo, (my fault for leaving them outside) but had no problems around SJDS...
This makes me wonder if we were lucky or if this is just isolated stuff...

But we didn't have a rental car, we just took cabs or payed some locals to drive us to the breaks.

**BS720** · 09-21-2011, 06:13 AM

^^Uggggh. That sounds brutal. My friends stayed in Masaya, and someone broke into their room, taking their wallets, passports and cash. They left everything else. They thought it was a Euro tourist. I left things on the beach on a regular basis, and had nothing stolen. I left my rental car open on the beach, nothing inside, keys wedged in the seat. I think you have to think about what people want, then keep it from them. Cash, credit, sunglasses and flip-flops at the hacienda, 300 Cord in the pocket, DL in the boardshorts. I think that, if you're going to Nicaragua and renting a car, you should figure out what you're going to do when someone tries to rob you. Pepper spray, particularly.

I miss the Taco Stop and the liters at Cubana in SJDS. Ready to return tomorrow.

**BS720** · 03-29-2012, 06:10 AM

Fifth trip to Nica next week. Fucked up by going over Semana Santa, but maybe the surf traffic will be less. Can't wait to get that first warm water barrel!

**supermodel159** · 03-29-2012, 10:35 AM

Have a few Flor de Cana's for me.

**BS720** · 03-29-2012, 10:38 PM

By "a few", I take it you mean a few bottles. And I will. Over and over. GF has a fancier from Germany that has been saying he's going to kill me. Expandable baton is coming from Chinatown next Monday. May have to kneecap some foreign fuck. Update to follow.

**seanyob** · 12-03-2013, 02:14 PM

BS720, have you been in that area again recently? I'm heading there in 3 weeks and have a house right on Playa Remanso for a couple weeks. I read about these road robberies a couple months back and heard that the local police curtailed this problem. Doing more research last night, I found that it still occurs. I also found that it occurs right on the beach on the north side. Have you heard or seen anything in the last year? Any info would be much appreciated...

**BS720** · 12-05-2013, 01:20 PM

Well, I moved my Nica here in July, and married her in August. She can't leave until we finish the green card dance. I was last down there in May.

Bottom line, the only stories you're hearing are the ones the gringos are posting online. The local newspapers don't report these, because it makes the tourists stop coming.

I stayed in the houses at Remanso, even after the robbery attempt. It was an amazing place to kick back. The road splits left just before the beach. If you go right, they rob you there. If you go left, they leave you alone. Stay off the north end of the beach. Also, should you be tempted to drive up the hill to the beach just south, don't take ANYTHING extra with you. This is pretty risky, but worth it, IMHO.

Last place They tried to get me was Pena Rota. I wouldn't head out there without an armed guard. Enjoy your stay! Don't forget that Remanso is a little haul, so stock up on anything(rum) well in advance. Also, say hey to Byron at Arena Caliente from Jeremy. He has killer rates on boat trips.

**BS720** · 12-05-2013, 01:52 PM

PS-The cops in San Juan are real shitbags. They haven't cleaned up jack. Two more areas to be careful are near the dump, on the way to Marsella, and in town on the road between Henry's and the disco, at night. My wife also told me that machetes are done now, and they all have guns.

Edit: Don't rent a quad or go kart. Makes you an easier target on the road.

**seanyob** · 12-06-2013, 11:19 AM

Thanks for the info. Staying at Casa Marbella right on Remanso. Although the owner assures us it's safe, I plan to keep pepper spray and a machete close at all times. We've got an armed guard on the property too. Also, have a full size 4x4 pickup the whole time I plan to keep locked tight driving the road to Remanso. I'm thinking the the full insurance coverage will be money well spent if I have to go monster trucking over the logs or boulders that might get in our way.

**seanyob** · 12-06-2013, 11:25 AM

Forgot to ask this...What's your take on Isla Ometepe? Thinking an overnight trip with the girlfriend and 4x4 and post up in hammocks somewhere for the night(s). Reading it's a little safer than the coastal beaches. Thoughts?

**BS720** · 12-07-2013, 06:35 AM

I love Ometepe. Very cool place. Beautiful, and completely different than the rest of Nica. I think we stayed at Charco Verde. Highly recommend it. I wouldn't stay in a hammock, however. We were in the hammocks before bed one night, and I counted 108 mosquito bites the next morning-just on the anterior part of my lower leg. It was bad. Also, don't miss Ojo De Agua, but skip the waterfall by motorcycle. Too many people have died doing that.

If you really want to have a trip of a lifetime, squeeze in a trip to the Corn Islands. Thank me later!!