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Thread: BEST ROOMMATE EVER
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08-24-2011, 01:33 PM #1Banned
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Sandy, Utah
- Posts
- 14,410
BEST ROOMMATE EVER
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08-24-2011, 01:38 PM #2
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08-24-2011, 01:41 PM #3Banned
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- Sandy, Utah
- Posts
- 14,410
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08-24-2011, 02:06 PM #4
Out fucking standing!
People should learn endurance; they should learn to endure the discomforts of heat and cold, hunger and thirst; they should learn to be patient when receiving abuse and scorn; for it is the practice of endurance that quenches the fire of worldly passions which is burning up their bodies.
--Buddha
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www.skiclinics.com
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08-24-2011, 02:58 PM #5
Hilarious! Best tooting of one's own horn ever!
I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. -אלוהים אדירים
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08-24-2011, 03:08 PM #6
he's blowing up on twitter.
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08-24-2011, 05:48 PM #7
This guy is genius...favorite Tweets:
It's 3 am, you're shit-faced and locked out of the apt? Guess who's still up making nachos. Yup. #bestroomyever
Your Girlfriend just dropped by to use your laptop for her term paper. It's cool man. I already deleted your browser history. #bestroomyever
Long day at work? Fuck that noise. I took massage therapy courses in college. Happy ending if you wear tits. #bestroomyever"I do look like the Arrow shirt man, I did lace up my skates professionally, and I did do a fabulous job finishing my muffin."
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08-24-2011, 06:07 PM #8
My favorite: Like to have loud sex? No fucking problem. I promise not to masturbate outside your door. #bestroomyev
Umby just moved to SF. Wonder if he needs a roomate?I demoed the TECH TALK JONG! pro model this spring and their performance was unparalleled which is good because I ski in a wedge most of the time - bendtheski, 2011
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08-24-2011, 08:15 PM #9doughboyshredder Guest
his FB page is blowing up with chicks that want to bang him on the way to SF
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08-24-2011, 10:41 PM #10Registered User
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
- Location
- Lakewood, CO
- Posts
- 179
From his FB...
Originally Posted by Kitty Cadaver
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08-25-2011, 10:23 AM #11
that is some funny fucking shit right there!
stay outta my line
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08-25-2011, 10:40 AM #12not feeling real witty...
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
- Location
- AKeveryday
- Posts
- 588
this is the first time ever that i have even considered joining twitter..
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08-25-2011, 10:58 AM #13
if parvo sold out and live tweeted coach for a year it would kill this.
I wear crocs for the style, not the comfort.
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08-25-2011, 11:15 AM #14
"Earthquake in our neighborhood? Don't. Fucking. Panic. I just packed a bowl. We're about to hotbox this pillow fort"
Awesome.
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08-25-2011, 01:13 PM #15
theres a FB page Christopher Walken to read best roomy ever Post
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08-25-2011, 01:18 PM #16
Not to threadjack, but I really think a Twitter account called CoachSays would be a huge hit. Of course, someone would have to live with her again.
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08-25-2011, 02:02 PM #17
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08-25-2011, 02:15 PM #18
Quoted to keep it around after the add is down
Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.
Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in San Francisco, and I have no fucking clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 3 weeks, so I don't give a shit if I have to sleep in your bathtub.
A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I'm just like, "Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's fucking FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.
I also read a lot. I fucking LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Fucking smart. Do you like movies? I fucking love them. We can watch the shit out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!
Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Fucking Taylor. AWWWWWW SHIT YEA!
A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Alabama. Are you racist?" And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I FUCKING LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty fucking cool right?
I own almost nothing! I'm driving my car from Alabama to California in which I'll be transporting two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you'd like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I'm the most considerate person you've ever met. I'm offering to buy you shit already!
Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I'll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your fucking mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I'm ready to give you money.
EDIT: Craigslist decided to hook my shit back up, and I'm tweeting now. Follow me. Or don't. It's up to you.
http://twitter.com/BestRoomyEver
http://www.facebook.com/BestRoomyEverOriginally Posted by Smoke
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08-25-2011, 02:20 PM #19Registered User
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Posts
- 95
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08-25-2011, 03:22 PM #20
I'd sooner be sodomized daily in prison than live with Coach again.
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08-25-2011, 03:39 PM #21
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08-25-2011, 04:09 PM #22
I just figured out the ultimate solution to all of this. Best Roommate Ever needs to be roommates with Coach!
Cops looking for those wallets you stole? No problem, I already threw away the evidence before they got there. #bestroomyever
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08-25-2011, 04:17 PM #23
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08-25-2011, 04:39 PM #24
Someone calls you out on your story being bullshit, don't worry I'll set them straight. #bestroomyever
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08-25-2011, 04:45 PM #25
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