Thread: I'm so "soul", pay me.

I was just thinking that I'm a pretty rad snowboarder with lots of "soul" and I figured since I post on here and contribute stoke, that the collective (mostly complete strangers to me) would wanna help fund my riding season next year to the tune, of oh, say, $30k. I mean I gotta chase storms all over the west sleeping in the back of my Subaru and gas isn't cheap. I'd also like to buy a splitter for next year too and those things are like $1100 by the time you get the board, skins, hardwear, etc. And of course, lets not forget lift tickets for those epic in-bounds days that all us "soul" skiers live for. The rest I'd put toward the rent of my totally "soul" apartment in Idaho Springs that I won't even be living in most of the year since I'll be doing the "soul" thing all winter. Did I mention I like PBR? I mean its the most "soulful" beer out there, if only because its the cheapest and its what all my "soulful" friends drink apres ski. You can keep your fancy microbrews, they ain't got no soul.

I also figure that if I reach my goal of $30k from all you total strangers who owe me nothing, I could probably make it up to Tailgate AK next year and express my "soulness" on Thompson Pass. That is of course, if I don't spend most of that money on weed and beer 'cause I'm so "soul" brah.

In return, I promise to post up the most "soulful" TRs ever of my adventures, and if that's not enough, I'll post lots of pics of boobies, all the wild parties I go to ('cause that's "soul" too), and if it pleases the maggette collective, I'll ride a really big line naked and post those pics all over the internet because its only the "soul" thing to do.

I mean sure, I could work harder next year, be a little more wise with my money, and really schmooze all my private lesson clients for extra tips; but that's not really "soul" now is it? Its way more "soul" to put the bum in ski bum and ask complete strangers for money any way. Sure I have two college degrees that I could be using for the greater good, but c'mon, how "soul" is that? So please, help me out, I'm so fucking "soul" it hurts.

I've set up an account for donations here, so please, if you can find it in your heart to help out a truly "soulful" maggot, click the link and pay me motherfucker!



(please note that this thread is for entertainment purposes only, and that if you're offended by what is said here, you need to pull the thong out of your ass, un-tuck your balls from your taint and get a sense of humor you giant vag....its summer for fucksake.)

you lost me at, 'snowboarder'.

Originally Posted by pbourdon

my Subaru

Apparently they have head gasket issues...........

Originally Posted by PNWbrit

Apparently they have head gasket issues...........

Yet another reason why I'm asking for $30k...I knew I was forgetting something. To be fair though, mine is a H63.0, so no HG problems here, but I do need a new throttle position sensor, tires, and auxiliary fan. Being so "soul" all winter is tough on the old subie.

Donated. You'll need at least three POVs to capture all the soul. Just make sure you take one into the back of the suby when you hook up with the booby hottie ladies.

Originally Posted by Skirotica

Donated. You'll need at least three POVs to capture all the soul. Just make sure you take one into the back of the suby when you hook up with the booby hottie ladies.

Did someone say cock cam?

"Look ma! I'm going pro!!!"

Im in for some stickers. Those better have been free range dinosaurs that died to make the stickers

Originally Posted by Hugh Conway

Im in for some stickers. Those better have been free range dinosaurs that died to make the stickers

Well, of course...and fed with organic flax seed for the record.

shaun white has more "soul" than you

Yeah, but only because he's a ginger...its takes a lot of soul to go through life as a ginger.

I thought gingers had no soul?

You mean like Zombies?

Who are you and what have you done with Paul?

Good luck on your soulful journey. Guess I'll have to drink all this delicious IPA all by myself...

I've been trying to weasel swag out of resorts and manufacturers for years by constantly talking up my coreness with limited success. It never occurred to me to appeal directly to complete strangers...

Being your own pimp is really the only way to go. Surprised all the other prostitutes out there haven’t figured it out yet. Guess this makes you an innovator!

Just a heads up; some of your new spancers might want more of a pay-back on their investment than living vicariously through your TR's and photos. You better enter as many comps as possible, ski in the worst conditions possible, injure yourself frequently and have a season ending crash by the first week in January and then send additional funding requests for surgery, rehab, hot PT nurses and copious amounts of oxycontin, vicodin, Yukon Jack and of course blow. Then post up TR's about all of it in incoherent gibberish that even Mike Tyson would criticize for bad grammar.

Yep, that's what I'd do.

Originally Posted by bendtheski

Just a heads up; some of your new spancers might want more of a pay-back on their investment than living vicariously through your TR's and photos. You better enter as many comps as possible, ski in the worst conditions possible, injure yourself frequently and have a season ending crash by the first week in January and then send additional funding requests for surgery, rehab, hot PT nurses and copious amounts of oxycontin, vicodin, Yukon Jack and of course blow. Then post up TR's about all of it in incoherent gibberish that even Mike Tyson would criticize for bad grammar.

Yep, that's what I'd do.

Dually noted....seriously, would you expect anything less? I mean, I have an image to maintain here.

Originally Posted by advres

I thought gingers had no soul?

Only the ones with Gingervitis. Also, no reflection in mirrors...

But is your board constructed from recycled plastic bottles? If not I'm holding back my donation, cause you're just not soul enough.

Originally Posted by pbourdon

cock

No money for you!

I think you're gonna need a theme song...

Originally Posted by TahoeJ

But is your board constructed from recycled plastic bottles? If not I'm holding back my donation, cause you're just not soul enough.

Nope...its constructed from recycled TOM\\\'s shoes that were blems. I bought them from the factory so that I could help children in Africa AND make a rip stick. That's how "soul" I am bruh.

Originally Posted by bendtheski

Who are you and what have you done with Paul?

Good luck on your soulful journey. Guess I'll have to drink all this delicious IPA all by myself...

I've been trying to weasel swag out of resorts and manufacturers for years by constantly talking up my coreness with limited success. It never occurred to me to appeal directly to complete strangers...

Being your own pimp is really the only way to go. Surprised all the other prostitutes out there haven’t figured it out yet. Guess this makes you an innovator!

Just a heads up; some of your new spancers might want more of a pay-back on their investment than living vicariously through your TR's and photos. You better enter as many comps as possible, ski in the worst conditions possible, injure yourself frequently and have a season ending crash by the first week in January and then send additional funding requests for surgery, rehab, hot PT nurses and copious amounts of oxycontin, vicodin, Yukon Jack and of course blow. Then post up TR's about all of it in incoherent gibberish that even Mike Tyson would criticize for bad grammar.

Yep, that's what I'd do.

I like where this thread is heading.

Life of the "professional skier" who has "made it".... (and begs for money, just like most other homeless people)

LOL

Dude, I'm so much more Soul than this guy, you should give me the money instead. I'll ride lines naked and call his mom 'cause I'm so much more Soul than him.

You forgot to budget in the other 30K for your "soulful" sled that youre just learning how to ride. You can even tow it behind the subie for added "soul".

Originally Posted by pbourdon

I've set up an account for donations here, so please, if you can find it in your heart to help out a truly "soulful" maggot, click the link and pay me motherfucker!



(please note that this thread is for entertainment purposes only, and that if you're offended by what is said here, you need to pull the thong out of your ass, un-tuck your balls from your taint and get a sense of humor you giant vag....its summer for fucksake.)

This thread rocks.

Donating.

I cleaned up the last paragraph as it was hidden.

Dude if I run into you this season and I'm eating a bacon cheeseburger, I'll happily throw you the bacon.


Unless it has cheese on it, because who would give away bacon with cheese on it.

Originally Posted by Honey

Unless it has cheese on it, because who would give away bacon with cheese on it.

This is quite possibly the deepest, most soulful thing I have ever read on TGR.