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  1. #1
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    Lying to a friend - WWMD?

    Curious about what the collective take on this situation would be:

    Got a trip planned to meet up with a bunch of friends. We're all headed out to a game one night. One friend is a guy with some emotional problems who needs a lot of attention. Nice guy, can be fun to hang out with, but a pretty difficult guy in larger groups and would make it impossible for everyone to just relax and have a good time. That guy is not invited to the game and the question comes down to explaining why he's not invited. Options are: make up some BS excuse for why he can't go, or be 'honest' and tell him he doesn't fit in. FWIW, other time during the trip is already dedicated to seeing this guy and hanging out for a while. Currently leaning towards the BS option as I can't see why being honest would help anyone in this situation.

    Flame away..

  2. #2
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    Depends how legit the BS sounds. What are you going to say?

  3. #3
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    Would the friend with emotional problems want to be invited? If so, invite him and go through the "hardship" of him not being totally at ease.

  4. #4
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    From someone with experience with this sort of thing...I would tell him the truth and be completely honest with him.

    It may give him the extra motivation he needs to deal with his problems and start acting differently in a group...which will benefit him in the end. Obviously, he would need to be a good friend for this to work.
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  5. #5
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    The easiest route is not always the right answer.

    Cry babies get old fast though.
    a positive attitude will not solve all of your problems, but it may annoy enough people to make it worth the effort

    Formerly Rludes025

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by gretch6364 View Post
    From someone with experience with this sort of thing...I would tell him the truth and be completely honest with him.

    It may give him the extra motivation he needs to deal with his problems and start acting differently in a group...which will benefit him in the end. Obviously, he would need to be a good friend for this to work.
    ^^^ This, or else this person is not a real friend
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    formerly an ambassador for a few others, but the ski industry is... interesting.
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  7. #7
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    I have a friend like that. When gatherings come up everyone asks "Is Connolly coming".

    We just started telling how how much of a queen he was and stopped hanging out with him. He has mellowed out a lot now and I don't mind hanging out with him anymore. I actually rather enjoy it, which I would not have said 5-6 years ago.
    I think you have me confused with someone who is far less awesome.

  8. #8
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    Sorry guys - I need to clarify:

    This guy has emotional problems that he can't do anything about. Takes all kinds of serious medication for it - when he comes to visit, he's got a medical bag bigger than I take for an overnight. He would like to go to the game, but if he does, he would need my devoted attention. I have planned to exclude him because it's the only night of the rest of us will see eachother, and I will see this guy both separately on this trip, and when he comes to visit me. The BS story would just be that one of my other friends (who doesn't know this guy from adam) bought the tickets and didn't know about it.

  9. #9
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    When you say he needs your devoted attention, what do you mean?

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by sidewall View Post
    When you say he needs your devoted attention, what do you mean?
    By devoted attention, I mean that he would be trying to interact with me more or less constantly in a conversation independent of what is going on for everyone else. Imagine 8 or us sitting in a row - it'll be me, with 6 on one side and him on the other, with the 6 pack involved in one conversation and him trying to talk to me about something else. It should also be said that most of the people going were a group of friends at one time, and this other guy was never a part of that. I'm not trying to say that somehow this situation couldn't possibly be mitigated - he's come to hang out with us other times, and while we all basically had fun, having one person as a stand-alone really took away from the whole thing. All of us are only getting together this one night in about 2 years between visits, and, for better or for worse, this guy is not coming along this time. Only question is what to say to him about it.

  11. #11
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    Does the person have any idea how demanding they are?
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    formerly an ambassador for a few others, but the ski industry is... interesting.
    Fukt: a very small amount of snow.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by ski.stealer View Post
    Sorry guys - I need to clarify:

    This guy has emotional problems that he can't do anything about. Takes all kinds of serious medication for it - when he comes to visit, he's got a medical bag bigger than I take for an overnight. He would like to go to the game, but if he does, he would need my devoted attention. I have planned to exclude him because it's the only night of the rest of us will see eachother, and I will see this guy both separately on this trip, and when he comes to visit me. The BS story would just be that one of my other friends (who doesn't know this guy from adam) bought the tickets and didn't know about it.
    And this game is completely sold out and the tickets are not available from a scalper anywhere for a reasonable price (like a NCAA Tourney Ticket)??? May work, but he may say that he'd like to go and will worry about getting his own ticket. (Which could mean that he is not sitting with you if the game really is a hard ticket to get.)

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by grskier View Post
    Does the person have any idea how demanding they are?
    You know, I really don't know. The guy has a medical condition that causes this emotional/behavioral instability. Hard to say to what degree he is really aware of how it appears to other people.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by RShea View Post
    And this game is completely sold out and the tickets are not available from a scalper anywhere for a reasonable price (like a NCAA Tourney Ticket)??? May work, but he may say that he'd like to go and will worry about getting his own ticket. (Which could mean that he is not sitting with you if the game really is a hard ticket to get.)
    I'm pretty certain that story would be a lock. There's no way this guy's going alone, and there's really no pre/post-game involved.

  15. #15
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    nuke him from orbit?
    ROLL TIDE ROLL

  16. #16
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    I would be more able to ponder your problem if you were more specific about these "emotional problems" and how exactly they affect these other people.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by ski.stealer View Post
    I'm pretty certain that story would be a lock. There's no way this guy's going alone, and there's really no pre/post-game involved.
    and your buddies bought your ticket for you.

  18. #18
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    if he is so attached to you, maybe you NEED to tell him the truth, some tough luv could help HIS need for your attention.
    i've cut off a couple of needy people unwilling to contain their emotions and desires during inappropriate times,
    as well as been cut off myself.
    so
    tell dude the truth, the whole story you've told us.
    bobby

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by QuikR12 View Post
    and your buddies bought your ticket for you.
    Not that somebody bought my ticket for me, but the ticket, for which I am financially responsible, was purchased as part of a group and there is no ticket for him. The person who bought the tickets (paid for them up front) doesn't know this guy and didn't know he wanted to go to the game..

    Quote Originally Posted by YetiMan View Post
    I would be more able to ponder your problem if you were more specific about these "emotional problems" and how exactly they affect these other people.
    You might be able to better ponder whether you think I'm right to do this or not - but that decision's already been made. The guy is not going. I can either tell him that he doesn't fit in with the group and he can't go, or I can tell him something else.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by flowing alpy View Post
    if he is so attached to you, maybe you NEED to tell him the truth, some tough luv could help HIS need for your attention.
    i've cut off a couple of needy people unwilling to contain their emotions and desires during inappropriate times,
    as well as been cut off myself.
    so
    tell dude the truth, the whole story you've told us.
    bobby
    I'll consider that... Thanks for offering your opinion.

  21. #21
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    I don't know what to say ski stealer, a tough situation but I also feel for him.

  22. #22
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    Sorry Rontele, but........
    Scientists now have decisive molecular evidence that humans and chimpanzees once had a common momma and that this lineage had previously split from monkeys.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by sidewall View Post
    I don't know what to say ski stealer, a tough situation but I also feel for him.
    I'm right there with you. On the one hand, I really don't feel there are many good excuses for lying to someone - and over all, if I were to tell this guy the truth and he got pissed off and didn't want to be friends anymore, that would be easier for me in the long run. But I don't want things to develop that way and I don't think there's anything to be lost by just blowing this off rather than making it a big thing.. I don't expect or need this guy to change, I just need some space on this particular evening to focus on these other friendships.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by ski.stealer View Post
    You might be able to better ponder whether you think I'm right to do this or not - but that decision's already been made. The guy is not going. I can either tell him that he doesn't fit in with the group and he can't go, or I can tell him something else.
    you dumbass.
    thanks for the laugh though. good stuff.

  25. #25
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    Short answer? Nuke him from orbit, then behead the remains (if any).

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