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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
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    A Luxurious Ghetto Trapped Between Times
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    5,430

    The year Secret Santa was asked not to return...

    ..for if he did his body would burn.

    It was the night before work
    he was building a gift, the gift of a jerk
    A low hum rung through the house
    it was subtle, like an anus wrapped mouse.

    He went to the store and shopped with care
    Hoping to find a gift that would scare
    When much to his surprise
    an electric toothbrush called to his eyes

    https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/a...achmentid=3562

    It's buzzing vibration caused quite a clatter.
    Would giving it to a female co-worker matter?
    A pink tip and toilet paper roll would be just the thing
    to help make this giant vibrator sing.

    https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/a...achmentid=3563

    He'd wrap it with tape and set it to "on"
    That'd keep things moving for this plastic dong.

    https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/a...achmentid=3564

    Covered in paper and shaking with glee.
    The innocent toothbrush prepared it's comic decree.

    https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/a...achmentid=3565

    Um, yeah, so I suck at rhyming, but I have a feeling the secret santa lunch tomorrow is either going to be really funny or really awkward. The poor girl has to open this thing in public while we're out at lunch and it will be shaking.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
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    8200 S.
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    1,281
    Pure evil. I love it!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    4,126
    Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaahahahahaha!!!!

    Love it, MD.

  4. #4
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    Nov 2001
    Posts
    11,329
    1,000,000 points to the man in the sheep suit....baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Sandy
    Posts
    14,040

    Talking

    You outdo yourself occasionally and this is one of those occasions.
    "boobs just make the world better really" - Woodsy

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Huh?
    Posts
    10,910
    HOLY SHIT!!! Best...gift...evar!!!!
    "I knew in an instant that the three dollars I had spent on wine would not go to waste."

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    27,308
    That's pure brilliance. What else is there to say?

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Slut Lake City
    Posts
    7,785
    "...and that's how I got fired from my job and asked to go back to Utah."

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Wasatch Back
    Posts
    5,424
    Quote Originally Posted by The AD
    What else is there to say?
    Oral fixation, perhaps.
    A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
    Science-fiction author Robert Heinlein

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Hunter Thompson described it as hell.
    Posts
    2,642
    Taped delivery of said gift could give you an extra billion points or so in addition.......


    Me digas.

    Wish my office party was litle more like that, I would be canned for sure.
    Skiing, where my mind is even if my body isn't.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    57
    Omfg....yep that one would have some heads spinning in my office. Nicely done!

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Posts
    11,329
    Quote Originally Posted by phUnk
    "...and that's how I got fired from my job and asked to go back to Utah."

    Win win deal.

  13. #13
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    Nov 2002
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    Dtown/Gtown
    Posts
    3,413

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Close, but not close enough
    Posts
    1,758

    Thumbs up

    I'd pay to see that gift exchange.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    New Haven Line heading north
    Posts
    2,944
    I'll play the nancy boy here, but that is a tough gift to give. Not great to get the "gag" gift when everyone else is getting normal stuff. I know that I wouldn't want to get a penis enlarger at the company holiday party.

    You're kind of getting into sexual harrassment terrain here.
    Charlie, here comes the deuce. And when you speak of me, speak well.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
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    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    49,306
    Quote Originally Posted by Stu Gotz
    You're kind of getting into sexual harrassment terrain here.
    Dude, it's a toothbrush.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    A Luxurious Ghetto Trapped Between Times
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    5,430
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman
    Dude, it's a toothbrush.
    Exactly. It' an innocent gift. Besides the whole point behind our Secret Santa thing is to be funny.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    6,595
    A couple of years back we had a secret Santa and a guy in our office (who was always rather inappropriate) bought a female member of staff a vibrator. Our boss, a born again Christian who has had a rather sheltered upbringing, picked it up and started fiddling with it. After looking at it in a puzzled way for a few minutes, he asked whether it was a torch.

    I had to feign a trip to the gents at that juncture.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
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    New Haven Line heading north
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    2,944
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman
    Dude, it's a toothbrush.
    True.

    "Besides the whole point behind our Secret Santa thing is to be funny."

    Ahh, I missed that point. You cannot imply with me. I have no funny bone.
    Last edited by Stu Gotz; 12-17-2004 at 08:45 AM.
    Charlie, here comes the deuce. And when you speak of me, speak well.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    A Luxurious Ghetto Trapped Between Times
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    Quote Originally Posted by bad_roo
    A couple of years back we had a secret Santa and a guy in our office (who was always rather inappropriate) bought a female member of staff a vibrator. Our boss, a born again Christian who has had a rather sheltered upbringing, picked it up and started fiddling with it. After looking at it in a puzzled way for a few minutes, he asked whether it was a torch.

    I had to feign a trip to the gents at that juncture.
    Nice.

    One year I wrapped up various left-over meats (hamburger, sausage, etc...no plastic wrap or anything) in wrapping paper. This particular Secret Santa thing was one where the gifts go around like musical chairs. The person who got my gift opened it up and held the various pieces of meat bare handed in some weird state of shock, trying to figure out just what they were and how they worked together. Everyone else in the room was just as confused. Meanwhile I'm laughing my guts up in the corner with meats of evil.

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
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    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    49,306
    Meat, the gift that keeps on giving.

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    1,107
    Quote Originally Posted by meatdrink9
    The person who got my gift opened it up and held the various pieces of meat bare handed in some weird state of shock, trying to figure out just what they were and how they worked together.
    Priceless...this keeps getting better and better.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    写道
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    13,434
    I'm guessing that the folks in his office already have a good fix on MDs patented brand of humour and that an electric toothbrush to vibrator is par for his tenure.

    Excellent gift, BTW!
    Daniel Ortega eats here.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
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    Nowhere near Boner City
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    1,135
    Does the Batman electric toothbrush have that gum stimulator thingy too?

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    North Van
    Posts
    1,116
    That's the funniest sh1t I've seen in a long time. Have to remember that for next year...
    Martha's just polishing the brass on the Titanic....

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