The following is a letter I wrote to my friends and family about an incident I was involved in. It was something I had to do for myself and for them, and my statement allowing them to send it to anyone they want was made without realizing how far and fast it would travel.
I suspect it's too late to keep this from getting out into the media, and if any members of Brenda's family find this information through a third party rather than me, I sincerely appologize. I really hope it isn't too traumatic for you to read about, and I'm sorry you couldn't hear it directly from me first. Efforts have been made to contact her next of kin but those have not been successful.
At any rate, this is what I wrote. Please feel free to ask any question at all... no holds barred.
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To all my friends and family…
First of all, I want to apologize for the cryptic way that some of you have been dealt with by me in the last few days. The reason Laura posted what she did on Facebook is that she didn’t want people to be worried about my safety based on reports from the radio. The CBC has been broadcasting regularly about an avalanche near Smithers BC that was not only in the group with which I was skiing, but I was in fact, directly involved in the slide. I appreciate the emails, texts, and calls of question and concern, but I needed to get myself home and put the events to a permanent form before trying to explain the whole thing to everyone individually… partly in the interests of efficiency and not having to repeat the same story 100 times, and partly because in the last 24 hours I started questioning 1 or 2 parts of the events as I recall them. I have since confirmed for myself that my initial thoughts on the event are accurate, but I still feel like I need to write it down in case I start doing the same thing again.
This description will be as complete as I can recall, and will be very graphic and probably disturbing, so if that will trouble you, perhaps you should wait until you’re home in a comfortable environment to read this. I apologize if this is the case, but telling this story in detail is something I need to do for myself… I hope you all understand. If you just don’t want to read this, I totally understand.
So I will preface my account by saying that I am certain I will never be so judgmental of anyone caught in an avalanche ever again. Many of you who have discussed the subject with me have likely heard me say how often when people are caught and killed are often “clearly” in situations where they have violated one or more of the key precautions that can be taken to minimize a groups risk while they are in avalanche terrain. I put clearly in quotes because my opinions are often formed from news reports on the radio, and it is clear from how inaccurate the news reports on this incident have been, that they have no idea what they are talking about most of the time on this subject, and I now question any “facts” I’ve heard from sources like this.
I will leave names out of it for now since the families don’t want this information made public, but our group of 10 skiers split up into 3 groups in the morning with different objectives for the day’s activities, and the group I joined with included 2 very experienced mountaineers with likely 30+ years each of experience, and an older woman who’s experience level I am unaware of, but I would not be surprised if she also had more experience than I do. The two gentlemen also seemed to be very cautious individuals… I base this assessment on the discussions and decisions we made on the way up the hill, and even how the one individual drove a car that we shared on the 14 hour drive to Smithers. Before I make the next statement I would like to make clear that any time a group is involved in a slide, it is the fault of everyone in the group and I am by no means trying to reduce my culpability by the next statement… I’m just trying to get you to understand part of the reason why I think things happened the way they did. To be 100% clear, I fucked up big time. Because I was (one of) the least experienced people, I approached the day as someone who would sit back and learn from those who had done more than I have in my life and take more of an observer role. We did have discussions of what we were doing and what our objectives were on the way up and the group agreed every time. But at the critical moment, we all became complacent. The other major factor involved is that on the hike up the mountain we noticed a lot of complicated terrain with small cliff and bowl features that could be dangerous if we were to get separated, so an openly stated intention to stay very close together on the way down was made to deal with this danger. The problem is that we kept this in mind as our primary concern at the expense of paying attention to whether or not we should even be on the slope we were going down.
So we got to the slope in question and one of the older gentlemen skied out on the slope cautiously. He said something I didn’t really hear over the wind and then started to ski down when he fell down and lost a ski. The ski was about 6-8 feet above him and out of his reach, and the woman skied down towards him to retrieve the ski and help him get it back on. I think all of us felt a bit funny about this slope because the other gentleman went to the edge of the slope and tried to do a little cut test with his ski and was only able to get the top couple of inches of snow to move. He then said something along the lines of “this slope is really wind loaded, but it should be OK”. I don’t want to get into debating what factors came into us knowing that information and going on the slope anyway, because I don’t fully understand them myself. At any rate, as soon as he said that and skied of down the slope I got a weird feeling and thought to myself “I don’t like all of us on that slope at one time, I’m going to stay back”. Normally you would expose only 1 person at a time to risk from a slope, and you’d move from safe spot to safe spot, but I didn’t really see any obvious safe spots so didn’t say anything, and as I explained above, we had just decided as a group to stay close together. Like I sayed, I fucked up big time here. I moved down the slope a few feet so I could keep them all in site.
This is where things go sideways. I would estimate the time at about 2pm, but that is just a guess, really. As I come to a gentle spot on the top of the ridge above the small bowl the other 3 skiers were on, I heard an extremely loud bang from behind me… it sounded like someone fired a shot-gun from about 6 feet behind me. At this exact moment all of the snow I’m standing on is moving and cracking around me and I’m falling sideways up the slope. I yelled out something as I fell to the ground. I’m not sure how the rest of this really happened because it only took seconds, but somehow I managed to find the bed surface below the moving snow and dig into that. Partly with my skis, and also likely, partly with a ski pole I was carrying that has a pick that looks like it came off an ice axe (it’s called a “whippet”). I looked up the slope as this was happening to see debris coming down towards me, including at least one very large block, probably about the size of a small car. I ducked my shoulder, and this large block slammed into me and either went over me or bounced around me somehow, and I somehow managed to stay put by some miracle.
...cont...
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