Thread: Most entertaining roadkill

It's springtime and the animals are out in force.

What's your favorite roadkill?

I have a soft spot in my heart for furry creatures, so I'd hit the brakes or swerve (as long as no one's behind me) for squirrels, rabbits and other small animals.

I have no sympathy for birds. Payback for having them shit on my paintjob. Hit one at 90mph and looked in the rear view to see a million feathers floating down. I never laughed so hard...

....until I hit a snake. Didn't know what it was- it looked like a thick black piece of cable, but when I hit it and looked in the rearview it was squirming around like a stripper who stuck her hand in an electric socket. It was the funniest shit I've ever seen.

Insects don't really count, but I still enjoy the noise they make when they hit the windshield and splatter all over the place.

ARMADILLOS

I hate snakes, so therefore I take no prisoners when I see one squirming across the road. Fackin' things give me the creeps!

Everything else I try to avoid. Almost ran off the road and into a lake because there was a turtle crossing the road.

Cattle.

House cats.

When I first moved to Utah from the midwest, I had never seen some of the local rodents in real life. One day, when driving back from skiing, one such rodent stood up on it's hind legs infront of the Jeep. My friend said, hey look, it's one of those things! I slammed on the brakes trying to miss, but flattened it, under full braking, so it was really smashed.

He then said, you just killed one of those things!

We sorta laughed, but from then out, Prairie Dogs were refered to as one of those things.

The next day, it was gone from the road. We concluded that Sumptin' musta ate it. Seems Sumptin's feed on one of those things.

Heres a horrible roadkill story.

I was going camping with my friends and one of the kids dad was driving. That family was a bit odd, but funny odd. I fit in well. So we're driving down the road and we see this dog wandering around in the road. The kid's dad says, "hey guys, watch me nail this sucker" and we laughed, because we figured he was kidding. He was definately not kidding, and nailed the dog going about 55mph. Nobody spoke for the rest of the ride, and the dad just kept laughing. Scary, scary shit.

I never camped with them again.

Originally posted by CantDog
Heres a horrible roadkill story.

I was going camping with my friends and one of the kids dad was driving. That family was a bit odd, but funny odd. I fit in well. So we're driving down the road and we see this dog wandering around in the road. The kid's dad says, "hey guys, watch me nail this sucker" and we laughed, because we figured he was kidding. He was definately not kidding, and nailed the dog going about 55mph. Nobody spoke for the rest of the ride, and the dad just kept laughing. Scary, scary shit.

I never camped with them again.

I would have killed that muther fucker (the dad).

Whoa, cantdog, you must have been freaking, camping in the woods with a psycho.

Brutal.

Originally posted by TheDingleberry
I would have killed that muther fucker (the dad).

So you object to hitting dogs, but cats are fair game?

Yeah, since then I pretty much camp alone.


As far as hitting cattle, my granddad nailed a cow in florida way back before they started putting fences up. He said there were always cows on the roads.


I've been the passenger when my friend nailed a deer on the fairfax county parkway going way too fast. Luckily we were in the hooptie van so the deer didnt come up into the windshield. For some reason we thought it was the most hillarious thing in the world. Deer managed to stay infront of the car the whole time so we watched it tumble through the air, nail the curb, jump up over the sidewalk and take out a speed limit sign. Lesson there was just because your friend tints windows, doesnt mean he should put a limo tint on the windshield. You cant see shit until its right in front of you.

I can't believe I have to breathe the same air as "people" like that whacked-out dad.

Accidents happen, but running over any living creature on purpose and for amusement is just plain fukked. That is all!

Sprite

Driving back from Golden to Nelson at the end of the BC summit, there were probably a dozen bighorn sheep grazing on the side of the road directly under the sign indicating bighorn sheep , this was not too far out of Golden as I recall. Then, making my way through a completely socked in (just some flurries, but way foggy) Salmo Pass a few hours later, there were about 5-6 bighorn sheep standing in the middle of the road. Bighorn sheep + car stopped in middle of road + pea-soup fog + random logging truck = bad news. I was flashing lights and honking like an idiot to try and get those things out of the road. Finally made my way through and flashed the lights pretty strenuously at the next few cars going the other way.

I imagine bighorn sheep could make quite a dent in a car.

Unless it is bigger than a Deer I take no action whatsoever unless it is just a mild correction. Sorry but my vehicle and the safety of me and those in said vehicle are more importanto- (okay, I'll totally swerve for one kind of animal smaller than a deer but I'm gonna be pissed if after wrecking my truck it turns out to not be Cindy Crawford!).

Best roadkill story was I conned my wife into going hunting last year and on the way back got her to drive so I could sleep. Now, she HATES to drive the big rig but I was really tired so she did it. We hadn't been going for two minutes when a little tweety got up off the road and didn't make it away in time to miss the grill. I was just about asleep when that happened and I knew, there was no sleep to be had for me. She let out one little sob and yelled: OKAY YOU'RE DRIVING and pulled over.

Only thing we killed that day

opossums in New Zeland, there everywhere....the best bit is you are supposed to hit them, they are a nasty import that is killing off the local wildlife...but there are so dammed manny of them...before going to NZ I never thought I would intentionaly run over furry little critters, but its a national sport!...just don't kick them when riding a motorbike, the arn't to big but you will still regret it....on a quad it's a different matter though......had too many scary incidents with deer in PA though...

Who wants a hamburger?

I dunno...unless that's just an unfavorable camera angle from inside a semi I am betting on the cattle to win this one.

Sprite

Originally posted by The AD
So you object to hitting dogs, but cats are fair game?

I guess that statement gives some meaning to Dingleberry's signature line ("It appears my hipocracy knows no bounds."), eh?

I'm pretty sure he was kidding about the cats. And what the heck is "hipocracy"?

Originally posted by iceman
I'm pretty sure he was kidding about the cats. And what the heck is "hipocracy"?

I think it's kinda like a democracy, only controlled by hippopotami.

Guiennia Fowl (However the hell you spell it)

I was going to work last fall heading up a major in town road and there was a flock (8-10 or so) of pigeons eating something in the middle of my lane. No problem, birds always take off at the last moment and avoid being hit, right?

Not this time, the watchbird was apparently content with his breakfast and didn't notice my oncoming vehicle until it was too late. I think he got away, but most of his fellow fowl proceeded to make contact with various parts of my car. Whump, Whap, Phomp! I am enshrouded by a cloud of feathers, with a wounded pigeon stuck under my passenger side wiper. I did as anyone in a hurry to get to work would do and scraped him across my winshield with the wiper until he flew off to the side.

Stopping at the next light a fellow female commuter comes up next to me and reads me the riot act about how I should be arrested for animal cruelty, etc. etc. I found this strangely amusing and began to chuckle as the downy feathers blew past us in the wind.

[I swear I did not purposely hit the pigeons, that might have damaged my car.]

My wife would have no qualms about steering off the road and going over a 1000' cliff to avoid hitting an animal regardless of size.

I try to avoid all animals, but I don't quite take it to the same extreme she does!

Two stories.....

#1 Heading south east on highway 93 approximately 15 miles our of Whitefish MT, it's spring time, a Friday night, and the wife and I are looking forward to a great weekend. It is just getting to be dusk, and there is a fair bit of traffic coming the other way, we had just passed a semi truck, when low and behold bambi is standing not 15 feet in front of my car. I was doing 85 at the time, and my only option was to swerve a bit to avoid a full frontal impact. I swerve, Bambi looks on with a fairly un interested look on his face, and we tag him with the front quarter pannel of our Subaru. I hesitated for a moment, not quite sure what to do. I was half expecting tires to flatten, or something else kind of drastic to take place, but once I realized that we were all ok - well maybe not Bambi - I got back on the gas, and kept movin.

#2 Early one morning, one of my closest friends and I jump into his car and head west to spend a day at Fernie. This was to be my first day back on the snow after knee surgery, and I was stoked. An hour into our trip, we round a corner to find two largish chunks of snow (the kind that would fall off a semi's mud flaps) in the middle of our lane, and a semi in the other lane. No problem my friend says, we will just drive right over them. All was good until one the chunks of snow tried to fly away....

Feathers filled the air, both outside and inside the car, there was bird slime covering the windshield, and I think that one of those bad boys even managed to get stuck in the grill. One of the funniest things I have ever seen....

Used to live near a small lake on the Gulf Coast of FL. One or two nights a year, the streets around the lake would fill with frogs, like it was a freekin' plague. You couldn't drive without hearing one pop every few seconds.
Nasty.

Bats.

Snagged one in my thule rack, for hours I thought something was loose flapping in the night out in the void of I-80. Damn thing had it's claw stuck in some crevice of the rack...would have been funny as hell to look at as I passsed you if it were light out.