need Piss Test advice

[nattydread]

I need some advice from the braintrust.
I gotta take a piss test in the next 24 hours for a new job.
says it's a 10 panel screen.
question is:
do I ?
A) just wing it since I don't smoke ALOT of herb, but a fair amount
B) go get some detox tea and hope they don't pick up on masking agents

I ONCE successfully passed a piss test 10 years ago in Beaver Creek but I also heard they randomly checked the tests, not every single one AND Colorado Mt Express needed people bad so I don't think they were super picky about hiring stoners.
Can any piss test experts give me some advice here ?
I really wanna score this job and using someone else's "clean" pee might just screw the whole thing up. The whole correct body temp pee thing.

btw, I've got over 2,000 posts here on TGR , I guess I'm just paranoid posting under my usual moniker
Thanks for any and all sage advice

I did a search and came up with nothing but some good humore, go figure
http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/s...ight=drug+test

[fez]

i had to pee for my current job, but managed to put off the test for a couple days so my advice probably doesnt apply.

i got a bottle of unsweetened cranberry juice concentrate and poured a couple ounces into a quart waterbottle. i was probably drinking 10 - 12 of those a day. when it came time to take the test, it looked like i was handing the nurse a cup of water. crystal clear. i was in and out of the bathroom in 30 sec.

i passed.

[Parvo]

synthetic pee works.
But, what I have passed tests with (unsupervised. if someone is watching you pee, this won't work). Buy the synthetic pee kit. Empty the sythentic pee out of the little bottle. Have a non-druggie, pothead, loser male buddy pee in it for you 1 to 2 hours prior to your test. There's a temp. guage on the bottle for reference, but rubber band a handwarmer or two around it and put it in your pants.

when the tester hands you the specimen bottle, ask if you're supposed to get a hustler or penthouse. they usually laugh or tell you it isn't that kind of test.

empty the real urine into the specimen bottle. you will pass, otherwise I'll hire you here since we don't drug test.

[cramer]

cranberry has niacin in it which flushes your system. You can get straight niacin pills at your local gnc. id suggest a regimine of those and drink tons of water. Tons of water. Worst thing theyll do is make you take it again because your piss was so watered down. Most my buddies pretty much say water is the key. You want to go in their pissing crystal clear.

[Sphinx15]

cranberry has niacin in it which flushes your system. You can get straight niacin pills at your local gnc. id suggest a regimine of those and drink tons of water. Tons of water. Worst thing theyll do is make you take it again because your piss was so watered down. Most my buddies pretty much say water is the key. You want to go in their pissing crystal clear.

Good advice here - do NOT take straight niacin pills on an empty stomach, you will get sick. Water is the key - drink a ton of water, starting maybe 4 hours before you go, with about 2-3 hours to go take 1/2 of a vitamin B12 complex pill (will turn your piss more of a normal color instead of clear, and not neon like a full b12 pill will. Also stop by your local CVS and pick up a home testing kit - you pass that you're probably good anyway but I would go the water/vitamin combo just to be safe.

[Stone-Free]

Water, water, and more water. This buddy of mine worked for an oxygen company as a delivery driver and smoked daily. He got random tests all the time, and never lost his job. He'd carry around a 2-liter bottle full of water and drink a few of them a day. Start drinking now.

[Steven S. Dallas]

btw, I've got over 2,000 posts here on TGR , I guess I'm just paranoid posting under my usual moniker

So you're posting under Natty Dread's, instead? That's nice of you. On the other hand, I guess we can rule him out.

Just drink a shitload of water right before you do it and dilute your piss down to nothing.

[MOHSHSIHd]

If you drink too much water you might get a diluted sample and they will make you test again.


Really depends on the company, your geographical location (ie Boulder where if they really gave a shit no one would have a job, or some shitty ass place in the south), the lab, and what kind of test was ordered (some are cheaper and only detect hyper stoners who huff nugs likes its air....


good luck

[Woodsy]

sorry red yeti,


The only sure fire way to pass is this and it takes dedication:

When you go in to the room to piss, come back with a sample of semen.
Every time.
Tell the girl/guy working there that they are hot and you can’t help it.
Eventually they will call you in with a pass just to get rid of you.

[Cliff Huckable]

Tell them to go fuck themselves.

This obsession US companies have with drug testing is fucking bizarre.
I remember first seeing it in Arizona years and years ago at a Home Despot. Huge flourescent orange sign with black text that said something like:
"LOOKING FOR A JOB? IF YOU DO DRUGS YOU CAN'T GET A JOB HERE!"

Do I really need some straight-edge fascist or scared-straight Christian to point me toward plumbing supplies? These people have to work for $notmuch/hour and have their ridiculous employers demean them by calling them "Associates" over the PA system - and the employer wants to control what they do while they're NOT AT WORK? Like they OWN you!

Why do you all stand for this shit?

Seriously. Why let corporations run your life like that? Telling you what you can do on your own time, who you can't date, when you can and can't take your holidays.

If the government started dictating this shit you'd be up in arms. But when corporations tell you to jump...

Fucked up. Whatever happened to the American concept of freedom?

.

[Parvo]

cliff, i agree, but unfortunately the state of insurance, workman's comp, experience mods, etc. dictate a lot of this nonesense testing. i've worked for resorts who agreed that our drug testing was disqualifying othwerwise great candidates, but we could do nothing but shrug our shoulders and keep looking (and these are ski resorts).

as a supervisor i would always tell my good employees "hey, you're going to be random drug tested next week, start studying". if they couldn't prepare to pass within that time frame, they were dumb. mind you, this was just pot smokers. i have a double standard when it comes to methheads and angel dust smokers.

[Woodsy]

[me too spats

[yonskion]

www.puriclean.com you want the product "instant acting" don't mess around with anything else.

[Benny Profane]

OK, here's a question for people who are really on the inside of this. Is it all a game with the insurance companies, and employees? I mean, are companies doing this and fudging the results for the people they want to hire and keep? Does the insurance company demand the test results in great detail for each employee?

I find it amazing that someone like Vail corp. can actually keep and employee base in Co. and test at the same time. Something is not right there.

[Danno]

If they truly test with a good test, you're fucked. Only time and exercise are true "cures". That having been said, if you don't/can't go with fake stuff, do your best to dilute the sample, and make sure that a) it's not your first piss of the day, and b) that you collect the middle of stream, ie piss a little, then start collecting, and make sure that you stop collecting before finishing the piss.

[fez]

If you drink too much water you might get a diluted sample and they will make you test again.

yeah, but that's a win-win. just dont smoke until the next test and you got a bit more time to clean out.

[fez]

OK, here's a question for people who are really on the inside of this. Is it all a game with the insurance companies, and employees? I mean, are companies doing this and fudging the results for the people they want to hire and keep? Does the insurance company demand the test results in great detail for each employee?

I find it amazing that someone like Vail corp. can actually keep and employee base in Co. and test at the same time. Something is not right there.

when i worked at snowbird it always seemed like a it was someone they wanted to get rid of and a couple mormons who got 'randomly' tested. some of the known devout mormons got randomly tested pretty often.

[2nd mate]

a relative gave a pro athlete advice and he passed after smoking the day before. Drink water and more and more and more and dont piss till you go into the cup. should dilute enough for neg. It was a couple years ago so perhaps tests criteria has changed a bit.

[iceman]

edit: replying to Fez:

Were they just trying to test people they thought would pass the test, I guess?

[fez]

edit: replying to Fez:

Were they just trying to test people they thought would pass the test, I guess?

that was our guess.

we (all the stoners) were hoping one of the mormons would fail, but never happened that i know of. who knows, maybe they held back the results if one did.

[Toadman]

OK, here's a question for people who are really on the inside of this. Is it all a game with the insurance companies, and employees? I mean, are companies doing this and fudging the results for the people they want to hire and keep? Does the insurance company demand the test results in great detail for each employee?

I find it amazing that someone like Vail corp. can actually keep and employee base in Co. and test at the same time. Something is not right there.

Last thing you want is some pot head or alchy for that matter driving a fork lift or operating heavy machinery and injuring himself, you or co-worker. Worst is when it's a customer that gets killed. (This usually applies to the post office though.) But seriously workers comp and liability insurance for a business can be a real bitch. Of course the lawyers sort it all out, and if results get fudged, and then it turns out the guy/gal failed a drug test at company X before you hired him. Well you know the old axiom, "It sucks to be you."

[Aussie_ripper]

I remember the drug test for my work (ski resort mind you), and thank god it was an oral swab. I'd smoked a day or two beforehand, and the chick left the room while the thing was stewing. I read the box, and red was bad, blue was good. It came up pinkish/red and she told me I passed. I think that shit's just a hoax for insurance companies.

And please Parvo, come be my boss. Mine walks around all the lift shacks and smells them after each shift.

[Spats]

What Sphinx said. It's all about the amount of metabolites...you're just trying to dilute things so you sneak under the threshold. Most companies/tests leave the threshold pretty tolerant, since they don't really want to fire people, just protect themselves from liability (insurance is sometimes cheaper if they test for drugs.)

+ Make sure you're not giving them your first morning urine: that has the most residue in it (though if you're drinking that much water, you're in no danger.)
+ Don't give them the first part of the stream when you pee, either. Pee into the toilet a while and take the sample out of the middle.

If you drink too much water you might get a diluted sample and they will make you test again.

That's OK, though, because it gives him more time, and time = more chance of passing.

[ProHoHater]

Use fake pee dude. I manage two head shops and its our the bread and butter. It's 100% guaranteed. Ive sold thousands, I mean thousands, and have never once had a return, or story of failure, except for the retards that don't listen and drink it. Yeah, it happens.


Some days we can sell 50 boxes of Agent X, especially when a union job is filled or a state contract awarded. No one is going to watch you pea for a regular job just use the heat pack, poor,...simple. Its a fucking no brainer, which is why I wonder why so many people are to scared to use it and would rather risk failing by drinking a detox. Don't get me wrong detoxes can help or even work, but again why risk it. Heck, use both, get in there and then decide, if that makes you feel better. (My own version of the bait and switch $$$)

The only people that get watched are parolees and the military, and then only sometimes, and you can buy the fake cock for that. It's fucking hysterical, watching some 19 year old chick trying to show a customer how the 8 inch strap on works. It really is priceless.

Good luck, and do tell how it works out.

[bagtagley]

When I was younger, my folks warned me about 2 weeks ahead of time that I had a piss test for life insurance. Of course, I played it safe and smoked right up until the night before. I had a roommate tell me that he chugged a liter bottle of apple cider vinegar and passed no problem. Okay, easy enough, right? Wrong. I took 3 good chugs, fought off the pre-puke hot spits for about 5 minutes and gave up on that idea. I would have to resort to a couple other, ridiculous techniques I'd heard of; peeing through folded up toilet paper (to filter it, I assume) and swirling a potato chip in the piss....this one I have no idea, but I was desperate.

I was handed a cup and allowed to do my own thing. I tried the TP trick, not surprisingly, it fell apart immediately sending TP shards into the cup. I filled to the line, dug out the TP shrapnel and then tried the potato chip. Unfortunately, all we had were Pringles, which don't so much stand up to warm liquids. It also deposited some crumbs, so that, by the time I was done I was holding a cup full of warm, idiot-teenager soup. All I could do was say fuck it and hand it over. The lady didn't even glance at it.

Turns out they weren't even testing for drugs. Go figure.