Thread: Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

Storming hard at Snoqualmie, I'm with my novice girlfriend, on tele skis. I barely tele, nobody cares that I barely tele.

Guy skis up to me.

Guy: You're telemarking! This is my first day, it's horrible!
Me: Yeah, tele is hard.
Guy: Well yeah! And I bet it's a lot harder for you on those, than for me on these!

I looked down and saw he was skiing fixed-heel randonnee gear.

Older Aussie guy with his wife and kid in the gondi: "So you guys are on those LONG skis, huh?"
Me: "They're not that long... only 186."
Aussie: "Yeah... I've been there done that." (he's a full-grown man and he's got some 160's in the gondi rack)

... later...

Aussie: "Skiing these days is about SLIDING, not actually SKIING anymore."
Me: "Is that what I've been doing wrong all this time?"

... later still...

Aussie: "We're going heli skiing with CMH next week."
Me: "You're might want something longer than those 160's for all that powder."

Originally Posted by Shorty_J

Aussie: "We're going heli skiing with CMH next week."
Me: "You're might want something longer than those 160's for all that powder."

Sounds like the doctors that were in our cat last year at Monashee. One guy rocking a pair of 170ish Pocket Rockets and another getting beat up by a set of 164 Volkl AC4s. Good times were had by all ...

Originally Posted by BigHerm

Originally Posted by jaredstrauss

I had a ski instructor ask me on the lift yesterday if I was a big time skier. Was not really sure how to respond.

He then asked me if my skis were twin tips or rockers.

Unless he was ancient, I'm pretty sure he was fucking with you.

Most ski instructors are gapers with uniforms. I bet he had no idea.

Originally Posted by jaredstrauss

I had a ski instructor ask me on the lift yesterday if I was a big time skier. Was not really sure how to respond.

He then asked me if my skis were twin tips or rockers.

"Yes" is the correct answer to both questions.

"Hey baby, are you here...alone?"

Said in my best, most suave, deepest and most suggestive, Barry White voice, as I came up behind my wife outside the lodge.

"No! I'm here with my husband!" She spins around totally pissed off and I see that she's a 50-something lady in the same jacket and helmet, and with the same general build as my wife...but definitely not my wife.

My hysterical laughter and subsequent abject apology of "I'm sorry, I thought you were my wife" was extremely poorly received.

So my buddy and I were in the woods at Alta yesterday. We heard some people skiing by, so my buddy growled. The lady stopped, screamed, and asked her son if it was a bear.

"GRRR"
[gigglegigglegiggle]
"was that a bear?!"
"Yeah mom, it was. Wait, yeah, I heard it too."

and then they left.

Good laughs for the rest of the day.

Guy instructing his kids at the top of a fairly steep bump run: "Point them downhill, lean back, and TURN!"

Guess what kind of accent he had.

Tejano ?

Por supuesto.

Too many to list from American weekend here in Whistler. The best is seeing all the interesting ways people mess up putting on ski boots.

Approaching the station at the top of a lift the guy next to me asked me if I was planning on getting off

walking by the Gondola at keystone base while some guy struggles to hold his skis and poles i hear a girl go "I don't know why i date you...look at the way you hold your sh*t you're such a Gaper"

So, I fart on the gondola @ Mammoth this week, claim it of course, then reference something about GNAR. The woman in the matching Spider outfit says “oh, that’s that snowboarder movie” HA-ha

Riding a chair at Snowbird a couple weeks ago I sat with an older fella and commented on how much it sucked that it was raining on us.

Old Guy: Yep not much snow. I patrol up at the Canyons and we ran out of O2 yesterday because so many people were crashing into eachother.

Me: You gave them all oxygen huh?

Old Guy: Yep, in case of head and neck injury. But at least it's raining now. That's what we need. A good rain puts some texture in the snow. Now if it freezes, the snowpack will be much safer when we start getting big storms because the powder will be anchored.

Me: Did you say you're a patroller?

Old Guy: Yep, up at Canyons.

Me: <headphones in, mental note to call Jake at Canyons and question his hiring procedures>

WTF? Even I know rain crust is dangerous.
(For the locals)
Was talking about snow conditions on a good day with a guy. I said there was lots of good snow, but yeah, look out for rocks.
He asked if I was talking about Paradise and Spartan.
Me: Uh, East Bowl?

I shared some base welding tips with him too. Nice guy, but jesus...

^^^^^^ Rain and the associated thaw/freeze can increase stability if it permeates through the snow pack and wipes out old weak layers.

Originally Posted by I've seen black diamonds!

^^^^^^ Rain and the associated thaw/freeze can increase stability if it permeates through the snow pack and wipes out old weak layers.

Really, no way! ^^^best gaper line of the week! Good one NY'r!

Originally Posted by I've seen black diamonds!

^^^^^^ Rain and the associated thaw/freeze can increase stability if it permeates through the snow pack and wipes out old weak layers.

In january, and on a thin snowpack? Come now. That shit will nuke steep, rocky areas back to square one. /talkingoutmyass

Sent from my DROID2

Originally Posted by tellybele

Really, no way! ^^^best gaper line of the week! Good one NY'r!

4 posts since 2006 and this is one of them?

All of you quit cunting up this thread! Back to the business:

Took my sister's boyfriend skiing this weekend. First time we had ever hung out. He said he was a good skier so I figured we'd go to Alta for the day. First thing I saw when I walked over to the lift line was a frustrated guy who couldn't figure out why his boots wouldn't click in (both skis were backwards). Got pretty nervous about the rest of the day but he kept up pretty valiantly for being such a gaper.

Originally Posted by _Aaron_

4 posts since 2006 and this is one of them?

sorry, I don't internet much. I lurk a little. I thought it was pertinent to the gaper gig, sorry about that eye-roller.

ok, so...

there's this guy getting on the gondy at Mammoth the other day with his kid - he's got the kid's skis strapped to his pack and his own skis and poles in his hands - the kid working the gondy tries to help him with his boards and he says "I got it." and tries to enter the gondy after the kid carrying all that shit - kid's skis catch on the door and the idiot almost falls on his ass and lets out a little girl scream - the kid working the gondy politely asks "You sure you've got it?" and the idiot mumbles and stumbles his way into the gondy avoiding eye contact as the doors shut behind him

yep - that was me

50 yards on a slight incline, that's how far away we are from the lift.

"I hate walking in my boots ... why does it have to be so far ...
they should have one of those things that takes you to the lift."


---------------

OK, not a quote but is it just me or have people gotten dumber? Riding the quad at Ski Santa Fe, the thing stops about 3-4 times. Now generally I ride it only once a day, but even that is annoying. WTF, why can't people load lifts anymore?

Too many video games? I've seen people just stand there looking, not realize that there is some minimal amount of timing to sit down at the sweet spot.

</rant>

Originally Posted by Wunderkind

Riding a chair at Snowbird a couple weeks ago I sat with an older fella and commented on how much it sucked that it was raining on us.

Old Guy: Yep not much snow. I patrol up at the Canyons and we ran out of O2 yesterday because so many people were crashing into eachother.

Me: You gave them all oxygen huh?

Old Guy: Yep, in case of head and neck injury. But at least it's raining now. That's what we need. A good rain puts some texture in the snow. Now if it freezes, the snowpack will be much safer when we start getting big storms because the powder will be anchored.

Me: Did you say you're a patroller?

Old Guy: Yep, up at Canyons.

Me: <headphones in, mental note to call Jake at Canyons and question his hiring procedures>

Got to quote that one. Shedding a tear.