Thread: Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

Originally Posted by mangled

good one today, found a guy on top of the cbc waterfall on rental skis,
"you know thats a watferfall drop"
"no why isnt this better marked"
"cause were about half a km out of bounds"
"o thats what those signs meant i went by"

Excellent. But didn't you leave out the part where the guys does a double backflip and nails it?

Originally Posted by boltonoutlaw

You are in the vortex of Patheticut, you should be used to the SOP.

No worse than being a guilder, right?

Overheard at Bridger Bowl during Christmas week while riding the *NEW* Bridger lift:

Guy, gesturing to mid-station: Has this always been here?

His buddy, with a touch of disdain: It's a new lift.

At Sunshine Village on the Standish chair. Gorby, while looking directly and pointing to the Divide chair, "how do we get over to that chair?, does it go to the top?". He says this while looking over a very obvious and direct run to get there. Also, you can see exactly where it tops out and it was bluebird.

Originally Posted by PhiberAwptik

From Newschoolers gear trade:

"I'm selling my hellbents because we don't get enough snow in Montana to justify owning these"

Bullshit. That guy is an asshat. But them off of him for cheap and then beat him over the head with them.

Originally Posted by guroo270

Me at 5:45 this morning in Boulder - "Hey darlin', Vail just got 5 inches, want to make a run up there?"
gaper wife - "I can stay in bed and get more than 5 inches..."

probably the funniest thing in here.

I was going up the lift with a middle aged gapper and he said "You must get amazing edge grip with skis that long".. I was riding 195 Praxis Powder boards. Hes right my reverse/reverse skis work wonders on groomers, you have no idea *cough* In his defense funshape skis are a terrifying/confusing topic for gappers I wouldnt expect him to understand the purpose of the ski besides its obvious applications to water sports such as water skiing =P

Skiing is a water sport.

(What's a "gapper"?)

Oh yea, saw a guy wedging down the groomers with a go pro. Feel sorry for his friends.

Had to sit through a 30 tower chairlift ride this morning with a drama filled domestic dispute in full swing next to me btwn guy and girl. The girl kept saying things to me to get me to reinforce her points. I finally just said, you'll forget about all this once you're out on the snow.....(although they probably wouldn't) jeese leave me out of it....it's why I ski alone...

Originally Posted by MiCol

Had to sit through a 30 tower chairlift ride this morning with a drama filled domestic dispute in full swing next to me btwn guy and girl. The girl kept saying things to me to get me to reinforce her points. I finally just said, you'll forget about all this once you're out on the snow.....(although they probably wouldn't) jeese leave me out of it....it's why I ski alone...

What was the subject? Fuck, if she was hot I would have been looking for a rebound hut fuck.

(guy on lift explaining to his girl who has never skied before why she doesn't need a lesson)

(jersey-esque accent)

"you're only gonna ski 3 days. you aren't going to be skiing ADVANCED runs. all you need to do is make it down the hill, you don't need TECHNIQUES and shit"

This is more of an anti-gaper story but I didn't know where else to put it:

Night skiing last evening at Hidden Bump, slaying the 300 feet of vert. The lift conversation of the night happened on the first run. Thursday happens to be "Cheap Night" at Hidden Valley, so it is the night when Mom and Dad drop off their spawn to slide down the hill for several hours. Mostly they hang out in the lodge, spewing hormones, creating a weird kind of high school dance vibe when you go in for break. It also means that despite a lift line, an old guy on skis will ride solo most of the time. The kids are too cool for sharing a chair with Grampa. But not The Little Girl in Pink (she is maybe 9, or 10). While I had resigned myself to a lone ride on the Bigwin Quad, she poled up beside me, gave me the look that let me know I was the Grown-Up in Charge of this lift ride, and off we went. I politely inquired if it was OK to lower the bar and she agreed with an emphatic "yes." After a few seconds, she looks at me and says, pointing left:

"When we get to the top, you should probably go that way."
Me: "OK, are you going right?"
LGiP: "Yes, I"m not very good at getting off the chairlift yet."
Me: "Well, OK."
LGiP: "I just got these skis today."
Me: "Oh, have you skied before?"
LGiP: "No, this is my first time."
Me: "Is anyone teaching you how to ski?"
LGiP: "No, I am skiing by myself."
Me (concerned but not wanting to sound like a weird old guy): "So, are you here by yourself?"
LGiP: "Oh no, my brother and his friend are here too."
Me (relieved, then putting my skis in the wedge position): "Do you know how to do the snowplow, you know, when you put your skis like this?"
LGiP: "Oh, yes, I do that. I am teaching myself to ski!"
Me, by this time we are at the top: "Well, good for you. Are you ready to get off? Stand up when your skis touch the snow!"

So I go left, then turn and watch her ski off the lift pretty well, stop, fall over, immediately get up and ski off, straightlining down the easy hill in full pizza stance. This girl is going to be a skier.

Originally Posted by DasBlunt

What was the subject? Fuck, if she was hot I would have been looking for a rebound hut fuck.

Subject everything. " I wouldn't have come if I knew we had to leave at 1:30, I didn't know we were going to ride a bus", guy was trying to hook up and ride with friends, girl just wanted to ride with him, he was chronic texter while this unfolding, blah blah...


I felt like I could have taken her away from the guy who was just egging her on and being pretty douchey. She wasn't completely innocent. Must have been a newer couple. I was headed for powder and would rather be hiking alone and rent a drama dvd at end of day than live within one. Not hot enough...

Originally Posted by PowderHound93

I was going up the lift with a middle aged gapper and he said "You must get amazing edge grip with skis that long".. I was riding 195 Praxis Powder boards. Hes right my reverse/reverse skis work wonders on groomers, you have no idea *cough* In his defense funshape skis are a terrifying/confusing topic for gappers I wouldnt expect him to understand the purpose of the ski besides its obvious applications to water sports such as water skiing =P

it's always such a treat to learn about people's cool new gear and how the plebes don't understand its awesomeness, let alone dimensions and direction of curve and how it's just for pow, duuuuuuuude.

Originally Posted by PaRider380

I can’t take these stories anymore. The original intent of this thread was funny. About half of the stories on this thread are funny.

and you are one of the other half. unfunny.

Originally Posted by AltaAndy

79 year olds skiing, no matter what the circumstances, discipline or amount of complaining is fucking a awesome in my book

AltaAndy speaks truth. This is in reference to the XC tip skins to slow people down on the ice. I could probably use some. As a snowboarder I can fake skiing enough to help my daughters and I like to xc for the exercise once in a while. But a downhill on XC gear is one of the most terrifying things imaginable for me.
Every all the floppy shit flopping every which way. Me on xc skis=biggest gaper ever.

In CB a buddy of mine when up to the xc track with me for shits and giggles one day. There was a long slow downhill that ended with a left hand turn at the bottom. Not that sharp but you had to turn. I don't think either one of us realized how much speed you would get staying in the track on this thing. Dave made it to the bottom and tried to step turn his way out of the track to slow down. Bombhole number one. He is struggling to get up when he looks up and sees me coming with a look of terror on my face. "Don't kill me" he shouts. I barely missed. Bombhole number 2 right next to his. Neither of us hurt, but there was some pretty deep powder off the track and it was hard to just crawl back on to the groom to stand up. In between uncontrollable spasms of laughter and gear untangling we nearly had it together by the time Ms Hotness comes cruising by. She stops and suggests that there is easier terrain on the other side. Killed us again. Neither one of us could stop laughing. I think she thought we were insane. After weeks of skiing the dbl black gnar of the Butte - a 30 to 40 foot low angle hill had humbled us both. Still funny remembering the look on his face as he barrel rolled over the embankment into the pow fully turtled out and stuffed in.

Originally Posted by Mr. Multiglisse

This is more of an anti-gaper story but I didn't know where else to put it:

Night skiing last evening at Hidden Bump, slaying the 300 feet of vert. The lift conversation of the night happened on the first run. Thursday happens to be "Cheap Night" at Hidden Valley, so it is the night when Mom and Dad drop off their spawn to slide down the hill for several hours. Mostly they hang out in the lodge, spewing hormones, creating a weird kind of high school dance vibe when you go in for break. It also means that despite a lift line, an old guy on skis will ride solo most of the time. The kids are too cool for sharing a chair with Grampa. But not The Little Girl in Pink (she is maybe 9, or 10). While I had resigned myself to a lone ride on the Bigwin Quad, she poled up beside me, gave me the look that let me know I was the Grown-Up in Charge of this lift ride, and off we went. I politely inquired if it was OK to lower the bar and she agreed with an emphatic "yes." After a few seconds, she looks at me and says, pointing left:

"When we get to the top, you should probably go that way."
Me: "OK, are you going right?"
LGiP: "Yes, I"m not very good at getting off the chairlift yet."
Me: "Well, OK."
LGiP: "I just got these skis today."
Me: "Oh, have you skied before?"
LGiP: "No, this is my first time."
Me: "Is anyone teaching you how to ski?"
LGiP: "No, I am skiing by myself."
Me (concerned but not wanting to sound like a weird old guy): "So, are you here by yourself?"
LGiP: "Oh no, my brother and his friend are here too."
Me (relieved, then putting my skis in the wedge position): "Do you know how to do the snowplow, you know, when you put your skis like this?"
LGiP: "Oh, yes, I do that. I am teaching myself to ski!"
Me, by this time we are at the top: "Well, good for you. Are you ready to get off? Stand up when your skis touch the snow!"

So I go left, then turn and watch her ski off the lift pretty well, stop, fall over, immediately get up and ski off, straightlining down the easy hill in full pizza stance. This girl is going to be a skier.

Great story. Has all the elements. Isolation, sadness, drama, anticipation, lost puppy dogs, VICTORY!

While waiting in line at first lift on X-mas day at whistler (44cm over night), i heard a couple bragging about how much they like their skis and what a great deal they were. They were from New York and probably haven't skied much Pow, so as i turn around to look at the skis they are telling the people beside them they love, i see snow blades. I wanted to ask if they planned on snowshoeing down the hill.

At Castle, riding up the Blue chair with what were clearly desk jockey's -

"Debra doesn't appreciate you checking your stocks at work"
"How does she know I check my stocks. Whatever, that office is toxic anyways."

- riding ski swap specials (rear entries, dynastars older than the owners, grade A gaper gap...). The gold medal winner occurred just as we were about to disembark:

"How long is that line over on that chair?"

Took me a moment to realize they were in fact asking me the question and not in intense office politico convo with each other. I look at them, look at the quite visible lineup at Red chair, look back at them. I point at it and say something to effect of...

"About that long."

Originally Posted by Mr. Multiglisse

This is more of an anti-gaper story but I didn't know where else to put it:

Night skiing last evening at Hidden Bump, slaying the 300 feet of vert. The lift conversation of the night happened on the first run. Thursday happens to be "Cheap Night" at Hidden Valley, so it is the night when Mom and Dad drop off their spawn to slide down the hill for several hours. Mostly they hang out in the lodge, spewing hormones, creating a weird kind of high school dance vibe when you go in for break. It also means that despite a lift line, an old guy on skis will ride solo most of the time. The kids are too cool for sharing a chair with Grampa. But not The Little Girl in Pink (she is maybe 9, or 10). While I had resigned myself to a lone ride on the Bigwin Quad, she poled up beside me, gave me the look that let me know I was the Grown-Up in Charge of this lift ride, and off we went. I politely inquired if it was OK to lower the bar and she agreed with an emphatic "yes." After a few seconds, she looks at me and says, pointing left:

"When we get to the top, you should probably go that way."
Me: "OK, are you going right?"
LGiP: "Yes, I"m not very good at getting off the chairlift yet."
Me: "Well, OK."
LGiP: "I just got these skis today."
Me: "Oh, have you skied before?"
LGiP: "No, this is my first time."
Me: "Is anyone teaching you how to ski?"
LGiP: "No, I am skiing by myself."
Me (concerned but not wanting to sound like a weird old guy): "So, are you here by yourself?"
LGiP: "Oh no, my brother and his friend are here too."
Me (relieved, then putting my skis in the wedge position): "Do you know how to do the snowplow, you know, when you put your skis like this?"
LGiP: "Oh, yes, I do that. I am teaching myself to ski!"
Me, by this time we are at the top: "Well, good for you. Are you ready to get off? Stand up when your skis touch the snow!"

So I go left, then turn and watch her ski off the lift pretty well, stop, fall over, immediately get up and ski off, straightlining down the easy hill in full pizza stance. This girl is going to be a skier.

Such and awesome awesome story

in the slackcountry telling buddy I want to dig a pit, for the second day in a row in the same terrain ...
Buddy says "wot are you going to find today that you didn't find yesterdy?"

The other night after I finished a day of lessons at LL, I went over to Keystone for some hot laps under the lights. On my second or third lap, a guy in a thick southern drawl asks me, "Hey, wut runs have that powder on them?" Dumbfounded at what he just asked me, I asked him to repeat himself. For a second time, with a completely serious look on his face he asks, "Wut runs have that powder snow on them?" I responded shaking my head simply saying, "Uh, its Keystone....at night....and we haven't had fresh snow in a week. There is none of "that powder" right now."

Talking to a guy while waiting for a lift up Loveland Pass to ride some tree shots.
Me: "are you beeping?"
Him: "Beeping?"
Me: "Are you wearing a beacon?"
Him: "No, no, its in my boots" (points to his vans)
Me: "Ahh.....Reeco...." (smirking)
Him: "Yeah, pretty sweet huh."

A couple d-bag customer stories:

Around Christmas we had a guy come in who wanted to return his new skis (very entry level K2's) because they had a 3" hairline scratch (not even p-tex worthy) on the base after 3 days of use. "I've had my other skis for 12 years and they've never done this. These skis are junk!"
Another customer around the same time wanted to return his new skis because they were fast up top, not at the bottom. This is a guy that passed on a better wax job at the time of purchase.

Awesome gaper on gaper day with full one piece and 210s etc etc

(In thick German accent)

"Ifff vee get lost, ive got the flaares!"

Several from the MLK weekend, but they all started with..
"when I was skiing out west...."

Today was wet...
Not sure if this is gaper or genius, but I saw a guy skiing with an umbrella as a pole. 1 regular pole, 1 umbrella - complete with a powder basket jammed onto it.