Thread: Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

Originally Posted by ajdemo76

"Do you guys have those SHAPED skis?" They say "shaped" like this is some new shit that not everyone knows about yet .

I've also heard people say "I see you have the new parabolic skis" a number of times...holy crap

Originally Posted by R_&_R

Not really a quote. Said standard gaper is wedging down the catwalk. There's a large retaining wall of snow on the uphill side of the catwalk. Gaper takes a right turn right into the snow wall and yardsales. Apparently, the gaper was in a group with family. The gaper's ski slides out, and the wife snowplows right over it and faceplants. The first kid barely misses a pole and starts losing control and catches an edge. He goes spinning everywhere. Gaper wreckage count: three. The second kid was older (but still a gaper), and he starts laughing at the collage of skis and people. I ski by, and the father asks me, "Why is it so icy?"
5 inches of fresh had fallen the night before, and it hadn't been groomed.

gold Jerry, gold

Thanksgiving day at Meadows. My lady was checking the kid in the Ski school for an all dayer, so I decided to go to the "Pro" shop and look at a bunch of ski's that I have no intention of buying but would like to hand fuck for a few minutes. As i'm checking out the tip rocker on the 182 SFB's, and wondering why they look so short one of the shop dudes comes up to me and asks me my weight. I tell him I go 225 with gear on. He then tries to convince me that I should be looking at the 172's.

"Hi, my name is Daywalker."

The Germans (who else) have discovered a condition they call "Witzelsucht". It is caused by a lesion--such as a stroke--in the right frontal lobe. Sufferers have an uncontrollable compulsion to tell bad jokes. We can now explain the innumerable "where do they put the moguls . . " "when do the deer turn into elk?. ." "do you waterski on those?" etc, etc, etc. The American term for the condition is "father" (I've been told I'm a sufferer myself.).

This could go in the lame plates thread, but I think its better here.

Passed on the way home from work: Camry driving through mild snow excessively slowly in the left lane with the Montana license plate "IMATEXN"

Heard at Breck today "do they have a park here?". "I don't know"

does this lift go to the top?

how come you have duct tape on your ski pants?

I just can't stand it... I just can't buy outfits that some else doesn't have. I think I'll go to Europe this year that way I can buy the latest fashion and no one else will have it! Probably be a really nice one piece!

Originally Posted by ODHGABFE

Riding up the chair at Tyrol Basin, WI during high school, there was a brother and sister on the chair in front of me, and their parents in front of them. The brother and sister are arguing and the parents are trying to mediate from in front. Finally, the Dad yells, "That's enough Brian! You've managed to ruin yet another vacation!!" When the kid whines "but Dad.." the Dad yells again, "That's enough!!", and turns around for the rest of the ride.

priceless

two days after the 15" dump tuesday, that has since been tracked out and rained on ...guy at the gym says "I'm going up to the mountain tonight I heard its powdery up there. All I can say is "ya, have fun"

Apparently from Engelberg (Freeride.se):



:-)

^^

Can vouch for the above - Engelberg is bizarrely popular among Indian tourists who'll be braving storms at the top of Titlis in nothing more than some natty knitwear. Something to do with a couple of Bollywood movies and possibly a soap opera being filmed there.

Overheard at Caberfae (small midwest area) while skating a not very well covered access trail to one of the lifts...

Gaper to his kid coming out of the fancy-schmancy members clubhouse, "Don't ski over the dirt ok Timmy, it'll ruin your skis."

I almost laughed out loud.

Also....

I spent the better part of a half hour shoveling out a little hip on the side of one of the runs, it didn't turn out totally how I wanted it because I had a cheap little plastic shovel with me, but that's beside the point. A couple of kids (proably between 16-18) come up to me just when its about done and ask...

"Are you building a jump?"

I really, really had to bite my tongue so as not to give a really smartass remark. I just chuckled a little, smiled and said, "yeah."



edit:
One of my friends (chick) that went up with us yesterday says this to me....
Her: "yeah, I mean my board is pretty beat up, look at the base....I really needed to get a new one"

Me after looking at her base:"Hahaha....those scratches are from twigs and shit and aren't even that deep, they still hold wax. "

Her:"I know, but my boards totally dead"

Me:"........................"

Originally Posted by toast2266

This could go in the lame plates thread, but I think its better here.

Passed on the way home from work: Camry driving through mild snow excessively slowly in the left lane with the Montana license plate "IMATEXN"

You sure it didn't say IMTEXTN?

Heard on a SoVT gondy yesterday:
Race coach (complete with Mountain Creek Ski Team jacket full of spancership patches from various financial planning firms ) to 13 year old girl racer (in full makeup): "You can't ski Mt. Hood in February, the weather's too bad."

Guy in Philly eagles jacket and beanie... Wanted to give him a chance cause I like cheesesteaks more than life. In your best hey Joey voice, "you know you're at the best mountain when the weed is as good as the mountain. They have the same characteristics."
Wait, what? You lost me there, buddy.
Later on the lift, I'm perfecly happy being an average snowboarder. I'm trying out a new angle. 21* and 6*.
Me, I'm at 0and 0 so that means nothing to me.
Hebproceded to cut me and my wife off as he got off the lift. Average...
Also, riding up sourdough express, I saw a train of 25 people following right behind the train of groomers, going super slow so as to not run into the groomers, obviously just trying to get those "fresh tracks". I couldn't believe it.

Originally Posted by guroo270

Guy in Philly eagles jacket and beanie... Wanted to give him a chance cause I like cheesesteaks more than life. In your best hey Joey voice, "you know you're at the best mountain when the weed is as good as the mountain. They have the same characteristics."
Wait, what? You lost me there, buddy.
Later on the lift, I'm perfecly happy being an average snowboarder. I'm trying out a new angle. 21* and 6*.
Me, I'm at 0and 0 so that means nothing to me.
Hebproceded to cut me and my wife off as he got off the lift. Average...
Also, riding up sourdough express, I saw a train of 25 people following right behind the train of groomers, going super slow so as to not run into the groomers, obviously just trying to get those "fresh tracks". I couldn't believe it.

what is this i don't even

not a gaper quote, but a pretty funny line at the mall today.

Me: trying on and putting away various slippers as I dial in the pair I want
hot young girl and her guy: doing same
Me: put away one more slipper, keep looking
Girl: "hey, you just put it in my box!"
Me: raise eyebrows, snicker
Girl and Guy: awkward pause
Me: look at the guy, and say "dude, I didn't even touch her!!"
Guy: laughs and jokes around about it
Girl: turns red

and we laughed. They left and I laughed even harder

Originally Posted by PowderHound93

It only got worse when he asked if I would be using my 136mm waist, reverse reverse, 195cm Powder Boards for park...

I get this one a lot - people asking me if the Billy Goats are my park skis.

And that rope tow video.... ... couldn't help from laughing out loud in my cube.

Couple gaperish moments of my own:

1) Cambell Basin at Crystal Mountain last year, hitting some untracked ~under the lift above the main cliff band near the top. I come ripping around the corner of some trees and speed check at the top of the cliff band - rocks in the landing. A snow snake grabs my uphill ski and pulls it off, sending it down the face of the cliff directly under the chair. The bastard stops right in the middle of the cliff! Had to downclimb in my alpine boots, grab the ski and climb back up. All sorts of great comments from people on the lift right above me (wish I remembered them). Time to turn up the DIN.

2) Last year, heading out on the packed trail to Earls gates at Vail to cut into the glades farther up, a pack of at least 6 are gaping in the middle of the packed trail. I lose speed in the deep, getting off the trail to avoid them. We have a not-so-friendly exchange, and I turn my head back to make another smart-ass comment when my ski catches the deep and I go down. They got a good laugh at my expense on that one. I hope none of them were maggots, but if they were: if you're not moving, get off the f'in trail/traverse!

I'm not normally the ragefull protective type, but some big dude on a snowboard cuts off my girlfriend in the slow zone and I chase him into the lift line where I yell:

"Hey fuckface!" (he's the first one to turn around) "If I see you cut someone off like that again, I'm going to stab you in the fucking forehead."

He replies with a pissed off and self-righteous "Well obviously I didn't do it on purpose."

Dude would've destroyed my girl if they'd collided, and he was riding fast enough and in control enough that he had no excuse for nearly running over her skis. I really don't know which one of us is the gaper in this story, but I'm willing to let it be me, if only for the priceless look on his face and how he kept bitching to his buddy after I'd mostly brushed it off.

'Stab you in the forehead'... no idea what I was thinking with that one.

Originally Posted by halcyon

I'm going to stab you in the fucking forehead."

That's your best tough guy line?

No good quotes, but man was it gaper day on my local hill's (Greek Peak) opening WROD day.

Saw the extraordinary bibs over the jacket combo, I guess she takes her pants off whenever she goes inside. Wish I had gotten a pic.

Another gaper flailing downhill, jacket all the way unzipped (18 degrees, 20+ mph winds, snow guns running on only open trail), didn't know how to turn and his obviously more experienced friend wasn't showing him. Would go 10 feet, fall, get up walk 30 feet, ski for 10, fall, repeat. I wanted to smack his friend in the head with a pole for bringing him out on a horrible day to learn, not taking him to the right terrain and not attempting to teach him anything.

The GF got collided into by a slightly advanced beginner snowboarder who was being videotaped by his friend. Dude could only turn toeside and was paying way more attention to the camera than the hill. I didn't see it, but she said that she tried to turn out of his way and next thing she knows feels hands on her back. He went down, she skied away. I saw him eat it about 5 more times that day (this happened on our second to last run).

Gaper guy to his gaper wife...

"Yeah, alpine skiing really isn't that good of exercise."

"Stab you in the forehead?"

Wow, you picked possibly the least threatening place to stab someone. You'd need an axe to do damage there.


Onto the quotes guys... and try to keep enough grammar going so that you don't end up pulling a guroo270.