Thread: Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

Originally Posted by Andy_T

While working in a rental store a few years back fitting crew for snowboards and boots. A guy comes in and gets fitted out, after I have filled his paperwork and he is about to head out for they day he opens his jacket and asks if he will need his wetsuit.

No shit full steamer on underneath his outerwear....
SURFS up BRA

Last spring at snowbird I saw some chick boarding in a wetsuit and hoody. Wierd.

back in the day, when touring at rogers pass we all needed to check in/register at the visitors center, I would roll in early, announce (in a thick aussie accent) and register (cheops or where ever) as a solo snowboarder, regardless of how may were in my group. the looks from others were priceless. needless to say we/me had the entire area to ourselves.
or they would send the rest of the nut cases up my skin track!
"where's the best powder?"
"here's the map, just follow this skin track" Were they trying to test my rescue skills???

One time my pard and I did an early season skin/boot up through the woods northwest of Cannon Mountain NH. We had left one car at the Cannon Mt ski area parking lot, and another car at the trailhead, so we could ski down either way depending on conditions. There wasn't much snow and going up turned out to be a ludicrous thrash, so we went up and across the ridge to the Cannon groomers and skied down to the lodge for a beer. As I was putting my skis on the rack a guy was literally GAPING at my skis (with Dynafit bindings). I looked at him with a friendly expression. He pointed at my Dynafits and said, "Are those bindings?"

I could have said a lot of things if I was more quick-witted and less soft-hearted. But I just told him they were alpine touring bindings, and explained alpine touring. I later worked out this answer, too late:

"Are those bindings?"

"No, these are self-propelled skis. The top skins are solar panels. They power a motor in the rear unit here with a rubber track, like a snow machine, through the base. The front unit is an antenna and GPS system. These skis go anywhere, downhill or up, snow or no snow. I bought these from a guy in Big Sky and I didn't have to pay for shipping because the guy just programmed in my address in Boston and the skis made their way to my house on their own. It took them a month. The manufacturer is perfecting the skating option for next year, which will speed them up some. Anyway it worked out fine because I was out shoveling the first snowfall of the season when they came up the sidewalk to my house."

i saw a gaper unsuccessfully attempt to check their speed with a heel side stop and run into a ski patroller (who was in motion!).




i think the guy just ran into the patroller's ski tails/bindings (from the noise it made) and the patroller was okay.

didn't get to hear the conversation the that followed (hmmm, somehow i just don't get the impression that you were under control).

pretty early in the season to be getting your pass pulled though.

Originally Posted by wardog

"No, these are self-propelled skis. The top skins are solar panels. They power a motor in the rear unit here with a rubber track, like a snow machine, through the base. The front unit is an antenna and GPS system. These skis go anywhere, downhill or up, snow or no snow. I bought these from a guy in Big Sky and I didn't have to pay for shipping because the guy just programmed in my address in Boston and the skis made their way to my house on their own. It took them a month. The manufacturer is perfecting the skating option for next year, which will speed them up some. Anyway it worked out fine because I was out shoveling the first snowfall of the season when they came up the sidewalk to my house."

LOL ! ! !

Love it. I think I could make it sound convincing, maybe, up to the antenna/gps bit, but, there's no way I could get past "programmed in my address" without completely cracking.....
If anyone ever memorizes this and successfully pulls off the whole enchilada it would make a great TR.

Don't any of you A/T guys tell people you're too poor to afford heel pieces, so you just buy the toe pieces and call it good?

cross posted from the worst chair in the US thread

I just can't stop watching that wedgie video

Got my first annual "when do they bring out the moguls" question on the lift yesterday...always astounds me.

Originally Posted by The SnowShow

Got my first annual "when do they bring out the moguls" question on the lift yesterday...always astounds me.

fucking a ! heard that one last year while in UT. almost lost my shit.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people live around here and hate winter. We are a highly mobile population. You're free pack up and head to some hot, crowded hellhole where they're running out of water any time you'd like.

Interestingly enough, I have heard people talk about not being able to ski in powder, I've seen people fail at it, seen people fail at getting on and off lifts, heard people gawk and say stupid shit while looking up at steep terrain, but I have never heard someone ask about where they put the moguls, or when the deer turn into elk.

Also got my annual comment about my Goats today..."Do you waterski with those too?" Oy veh

Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

I have never heard someone ask about where they put the moguls.

yea, that's because it's bullshit. The joke has been around since the '60's. I suspect that if someone overheard it, the person speaking was probably trying to be funny.

I got my first "its friday, shouldnt you be in school today" remark on opening day.

that wedgie video is classic....

Today at squaw I heard someone in the liftline asking
"why is the snow really deep in some places and not in others?" And then I heard the answer, which was GOLD:

"The deep snow is for experts only, it can be really, really dangerous. Don't go in it if you don't know CPR" (said so seriously I did a double take to check if it was a gaper or otherwise)

"oh."

Today at Vail:

A woman walks up to the ski valet at lunchtime "Is this where I put my skis?"
To which the ski valet responds, "Well, you can store them here, but we don't do it for free."
"Well, what do most people do with their skis when they go in for lunch?" She said.
"You should just put them on one of those racks with all the other skis. Good luck!"

I sensed that the ski valet had been through that dance before.

Also:



(Red Bull & Vodka couple )

Originally Posted by Goatski

Today at Vail:

A woman walks up to the ski valet at lunchtime "Is this where I put my skis?"
To which the ski valet responds, "Well, you can store them here, but we don't do it for free."
"Well, what do most people do with their skis when they go in for lunch?" She said.
"You should just put them on one of those racks with all the other skis. Good luck!"

I sensed that the ski valet had been through that dance before.

Also:



(Red Bull & Vodka couple )

The steeze is strong with you Obi-Jong...

That's actually awesome.

the rope tow wedgie video is just so good. I would have lost it sooner

waaaaay back in the day, like 1993 (and I was so core back then, easily twice as core as now) snowboarding in perisher on a farking windy day. Blowing snow was sand blasting the face and leaves travelled horizontally. painfull, but we were on our 2 week ski holiday and thus we were stilll there, buddy and I are standing by the lift, about lunch time trying to convince ourselves to get back on the quad, when alfa male gaper with posse in tow walks up and says
"have you been up?" (its after mid day! Did they just buy a half day ticket for this shit?)
me ... "yes"
Alpha gaper ... "what's it like?"
I looked up at an empty ski hill, barely a soul to be seen out doors except those in pain. and made the most wity respose ever ...
me ... snow!
I still remember just how bad that day was, and I'd rather wip my ass with a rusty SOS pad than endure that tourture again.
But clearly I'm the bigger gaper. Although my buddy couldn't stop laughing ... at me.

I over heard this story at An Evening with Warren Miller last night, and thought it was appropriate (note: not my story, but a good one):

Gaper: Oh, you are a skier? Have you ever skied in Ohio?
Lady: No, but I grew up skiing out West, so...
Gaper: Well, you should really check it out. The snow is great!
Lady: Really? In Ohio? Because we have really good snow out here...
Gaper: Well, it CANT be better than Ohio. Its all man made!

Some guy in a bar yesterday explaining to me that he really liked to ski a particular run, but only when it was "paved"...

"The new rock wall at REI is made of this new material that mimicks the feel of real rock"

my wife started skiing the same year i started snowboarding. we both knew absolutely nothing about either, so she went to a garage sale and bought some 20 year old skinny skis and boots, we took them to usoutdoor store and asked them to tune them up for her. they looked at us like we were the biggest fucking idiots on planet earth. said something about the 20 year old tyrolia bindings being defective. i, of course, trying to learn everything possible, tried to get them to explain what the problem was, but they wouldn't even talk about it and became increasingly condescending.

as it turns out, the skis were 2' too long for her, and we ended up buying some used shaped skis. she went ahead and used the 20 year old boots the first time we went up, and on her first trip down, the toes on each snapped off and she went flying. ended up walking almost all the way down MHX at meadows carrying her skis with her socked toes dangling out the front of her boots.

so we are undoubtedly somebody's gaper quote of the day about 6 years ago.