Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

**solstice** · 03-31-2009, 02:11 PM

"If you ski fast enough, you won't need sun screen."

**SARAbearuh303** · 03-31-2009, 02:16 PM

riding the lift with some tourists...the guy goes..."alright hunny, we have about two hours before we have to meet the kids."

the wife goes, "alright, that means we can get about two runs in!"

i tried so hard not to laugh my ass off.

**Drunken_Monkey** · 04-05-2009, 06:29 PM

So I'm at work standing bored out of my skull at the front desk where I work, it's about 9pm and dark out. When a high school girl walks over to her principal in the lobby and spits out the following sentence: "So umm Mr. Principal, we were like out on our balcony looking at the hill right. And umm like there is like car lights driving up and down the hill? Are you allowed too? or what's going on?" I could barely contain myself and walked into the back office to crack up.

**misfit toy** · 04-05-2009, 08:31 PM

Yep yesterday Alta. 1st time out on new hellbents waiting for collins to open. Dumbass cuts line and stands on rocker tails, I waited with restraint, DUMBASS! GOD WHAT A GREAT DATE . DUMBASS!

**carvedog** · 04-06-2009, 06:32 AM

Originally Posted by misfit toy

Yep yesterday Alta. 1st time out on new hellbents waiting for collins to open. Dumbass cuts line and stands on rocker tails, I waited with restraint, DUMBASS! GOD WHAT A GREAT DATE . DUMBASS!

I don't understand. You let this guy stand on the tails of you brand new skis?
Without ripping his nut sack off and shoving it down where his head used to be?
Because he was your date?
WTF is really going on here? I am a slowboarder so don't do the Alta thing, is Collins code for an "alternative" lifestyle.

Just trying to clear some shit up here. JONG me - I don't care. But I know I have no restraint for people standing on my shit.

**eblackwelder** · 04-06-2009, 07:33 AM

So I'm reading a funny thread in TGR about Gaper Quotes. When I see a first post by someone who just created an account. Said JONG's post has nothting to do with skiing, boarding, or even snow. Way to bring you A-game Drunken Monkey.

Now that's a (forum) gaper.

**toast2266** · 04-06-2009, 11:46 AM

At Powder Mtn. about a week ago - conditions were chopped up heavy pow...

Skier girl: "this run is too bumpy"
Snowboarder girl: "Don't worry, I'll smooth it out for you"
Snowboarder girl proceeds to sideslip down the entire run.

Pics:
(for full disclosure, the guys in the picture weren't the ones who were talking about smoothing, although they're still guilty of doing a lot of sideslipping).

**mtskier** · 04-06-2009, 12:29 PM

lookout pass, id. the ramp is a notorious "eat shit" zone. no ever learns. ever. this place is a gaper gold mine. i will carry a camera more often.

this woman came out of the lodge in her socks with her rear entry ski boots in hand. she drops them and they slide all the way down. the parking lot was like a lake from all of the melt. that's her husbad in the background demonstrating the proper ski carrying technique.

**Drunken_Monkey** · 04-06-2009, 04:22 PM

Originally Posted by eblackwelder

So I'm reading a funny thread in TGR about Gaper Quotes. When I see a first post by someone who just created an account. Said JONG's post has nothting to do with skiing, boarding, or even snow. Way to bring you A-game Drunken Monkey.

Now that's a (forum) gaper.

So Maybe I was a bit unclear but I figured you might have a heads up on this one being all non-JONG and all but she was referring to the Groomer driving up and down the hill at night. Sorry I went over your head with that one.

**carvedog** · 04-06-2009, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by Drunken_Monkey

So Maybe I was a bit unclear but I figured you might have a heads up on this one being all non-JONG and all but she was referring to the Groomer driving up and down the hill at night. Sorry I went over your head with that one.

getting pwned by a 2 post JONG. Priceless.

**eblackwelder** · 04-07-2009, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by carvedog

getting pwned by a 2 post JONG. Priceless.

So I'm reading this thread about Gaper Quotes and this stupid JONG who thiinks he knows it all calls out a noob for making a dumb first post, only to realize that he mis-read it. What a freakin' gaper!!!!

I suck.

I will demote myself to only posting on Epic Ski now.

Welcome to TGR Drunken_Monkey.

**jonesy** · 04-07-2009, 07:51 AM

This is sooo cool in a wrong way. I'll see your gaper and raise you one. Guy trys driving his Audi w/ ski boots on,that's special.

ArtVandalay · 04-07-2009, 10:58 AM

1) Vail....

Guy: You like those funky skis? (189 Obsethed)
Me: Yeah, they're great. you should try them
Guy: No way, these things have seen the Himalayas...more than enough to get the job done (referring to his old 16x cm Foils)
Me: Wow
Guy: No, seriously, the Himalayas (I guess, looking for recognition)
Me: Sweet, where is that, New Jersey??

Apparently that wasn't sufficient to end the conversation.

...and he was wearing a cowboy hat and leather ski pants.

2) my friend, unfortunately...."I really only ski groomers, because it is really technical and something you can keep skiing even when you are older (40s), unlike crud and powder."

...so you all better all get your turns in now, because at 40, you will be relegated to groomers and metrons.

**Downbound Train** · 04-07-2009, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by eblackwelder

So I'm reading this thread about Gaper Quotes and this stupid JONG who thiinks he knows it all calls out a noob for making a dumb first post, only to realize that he mis-read it. What a freakin' gaper!!!!

I suck.

I will demote myself to only posting on Epic Ski now.

Welcome to TGR Drunken_Monkey.

Man enough to admit 100% GAPER-ness vs deleting post and ignoring his mistake. That's gotta be good for something.

Who wants to come to my ski hill and help me put away the moguls for the summer?

**BCSKI360** · 04-07-2009, 02:25 PM

Some real classics in this thread, you should upload to this contest - could win a pair of PBR skis, or a Jacket.
Gaper day photo contest

**carvedog** · 04-07-2009, 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by Downbound Train

Man enough to admit 100% GAPER-ness vs deleting post and ignoring his mistake. That's gotta be good for something.

Who wants to come to my ski hill and help me put away the moguls for the summer?

He did show some spine there I have to admit.

And I ain't putting away no stinkin moguls this year. Done it before it sucks, especially on a board.

**eblackwelder** · 04-08-2009, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by carvedog

He did show some spine there I have to admit.

Just a policy of mine that I almost always stick to, regardless of whether it happens at home, at work, at the bar, etc:

You fucked up - Admit it. Fix it. Learn from it. Move on.
(a little bit of humor usually helps too)

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.......

**yonskion** · 04-08-2009, 07:48 AM

everything posted in the daily operations blog on the Mt Bachelor web-site by Alex Kaufman Gaper Douche Extraordinare

**jonesy** · 04-08-2009, 07:53 AM

Last week I took a pair of solid wood skis out for old school fun. Went down this face of cut-up crud and zigged instead of zagged. Over the handle bars and argued head first. As I floundered to right myself here comes about 6 lil girls snowplowing down the face going pass me giggling. Whos' the Gaper now!

**imadoofus** · 04-08-2009, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by neil.

probably the biggest gaper moment for one of my friends but we were hiking badly at the bird last tuesday

Maybe you are a gaper since you were hiking badly.
learn to walk before learning to ride.

**johngenx** · 04-08-2009, 04:08 PM

Last week I took my family to Marmot Basin near Jasper for some skiing. My daughter is a strong intermediate aspiring-advanced skier, but my wife is a first-year skier and having some difficulty in learning, as she really freaks out if it appears at all steep. However, she's been very good at the lifts, never screwing up and keeping it moving. We're boarding the Caribou Chair, which is a deuce, so the three of us can't ride together. It's a bit icy in the maze and there is a little "up hill" just before you follow the last chair out. Both of my gals are having a tough time getting over the little hill, and it looks like they'll miss the chair. The line-up is super-short, so I don't pay much attention. However, in the interest of keeping it moving, the liftie shoves them both forward, but neither is expecting the extra help, and my daughter veers to the side and instead of boarding, gets whacked by the chair and launched to the side. My wife reaches to help her, and gets launched off herself. It was like an old Steve Martin comedy! The liftie halts the lift, both of them get up, and board the next chair. The guy behind them is groaning and spewing shit about "learning to ride the lift..."

As he looks like every other dumb fat redneck Albertan, I just let it ride. No sense in letting stuff ruin a nice day. Then the redneck goes to board the chair, hits the same uphill icy bit, pushes hard past it, and crashes into the chair he's following (an empty as he missed following the chair with my gals) and loses a ski. He's a giant fuckin' mess, best described as "I've fallen and I can't get up."

I don't even have a chance to say a word as these three teen girls are ripping into him fiercely for "not learning how to ride a fucking lift!!"

I know, nice blog. I'm a long winded jong, whatever, flame away.

**Parvo** · 04-08-2009, 04:11 PM

One of my roommates isn't so much a gaper, but says a lot of gaperific things. For a guy who works for a ski company, he has a lot of excuses for not skiing. He's been maybe 5 or 6 times this winter... and we live at the bottom of a ski resort.

Two weekends ago he didn't ski with us because he was still pretty shaken up over McConkey's death (even though, like us, he only knew him from the movies)

Last weekend, after a ton of new snow, he didn't ski Friday because he was depressed they may have layoffs at his office (which skiing would be the perfect way to forget your troubles) and didn't ski Saturday because he ... "already put a layer of storage wax on his bases and won't be taking them out again this season."

**OverTurn** · 04-08-2009, 04:22 PM

not quite a quote, but I came upon a family of four postholing down the sherburne trail with rollup sheets of plastic for sleds. I asked them what the fuck they were doing and did they know it was a ski trail. they said yeah, they knew, that's why they had the sleds. Only they couldn't slide on the flat parts. or the dirt. or the moguls. They seemed incredibly taken a back that I would be irritated by their behavior.

**kttate75** · 04-08-2009, 04:28 PM

Originally Posted by Parvo

One of my roommates isn't so much a gaper, but says a lot of gaperific things. For a guy who works for a ski company, he has a lot of excuses for not skiing. He's been maybe 5 or 6 times this winter... and we live at the bottom of a ski resort.

Two weekends ago he didn't ski with us because he was still pretty shaken up over McConkey's death (even though, like us, he only knew him from the movies)

Last weekend, after a ton of new snow, he didn't ski Friday because he was depressed they may have layoffs at his office (which skiing would be the perfect way to forget your troubles) and didn't ski Saturday because he ... "already put a layer of storage wax on his bases and won't be taking them out again this season."

Sounds like your roommate doesn't really like skiing. Maybe he should take up a new hobby. Canasta maybe? Bridge?

**Nathan Explosion** · 04-08-2009, 04:30 PM

Headed out the Cirque on the epic powder day that was 4/4, came upon a couple, female had her skis off and was walking back up to the traverse, hubby or boyfriend was standing about 100 feet down slope. This is the mild part right before Tower 3. I asked if they were okay, she looked me dead in the eyes and said "just fucking fine". I was a little stunned, so I just kept moving, following the vor. Standing above the trees before Tower 3, just out of sight, but well within earshot, she yells "god fucking dammit, I fucking told you I hate powder. I wanted to ski Chips!".

I'm 99% sure I saw them again at Creekside about an hour later. Dude was holding both pairs of skis, she was still pissed, and knocked the open map out of his hands onto the ground. Same people or not, it was fucking hilarious.

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