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Thread: Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?
03-31-2009, 02:11 PM #1226
"If you ski fast enough, you won't need sun screen.""watching you ski is like watching a retarded monkey rollerblade on a gravel road"
03-31-2009, 02:16 PM #1227
riding the lift with some tourists...the guy goes..."alright hunny, we have about two hours before we have to meet the kids."
the wife goes, "alright, that means we can get about two runs in!"
i tried so hard not to laugh my ass off.so...theres this car made out of clay RIGHT?
04-05-2009, 06:29 PM #1228
So I'm at work standing bored out of my skull at the front desk where I work, it's about 9pm and dark out. When a high school girl walks over to her principal in the lobby and spits out the following sentence: "So umm Mr. Principal, we were like out on our balcony looking at the hill right. And umm like there is like car lights driving up and down the hill? Are you allowed too? or what's going on?" I could barely contain myself and walked into the back office to crack up.
04-05-2009, 08:31 PM #1229
Yep yesterday Alta. 1st time out on new hellbents waiting for collins to open. Dumbass cuts line and stands on rocker tails, I waited with restraint, DUMBASS! GOD WHAT A GREAT DATE . DUMBASS!"I, the undersigned,
shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein
and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera . . . fax mentis
incendium gloria culpum, et cetera, et cetera . . . memo bis
punitor delicatum!" It's all there, black and white, clear
as crystal! You stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks. You bumped
into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized,
so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!
04-06-2009, 06:32 AM #1230
Without ripping his nut sack off and shoving it down where his head used to be?
Because he was your date?
WTF is really going on here? I am a slowboarder so don't do the Alta thing, is Collins code for an "alternative" lifestyle.
Just trying to clear some shit up here. JONG me - I don't care. But I know I have no restraint for people standing on my shit.
04-06-2009, 07:33 AM #1231Registered User
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
So I'm reading a funny thread in TGR about Gaper Quotes. When I see a first post by someone who just created an account. Said JONG's post has nothting to do with skiing, boarding, or even snow. Way to bring you A-game Drunken Monkey. Now that's a (forum) gaper.
04-06-2009, 11:46 AM #1232
At Powder Mtn. about a week ago - conditions were chopped up heavy pow...
Skier girl: "this run is too bumpy"
Snowboarder girl: "Don't worry, I'll smooth it out for you"
Snowboarder girl proceeds to sideslip down the entire run.
(for full disclosure, the guys in the picture weren't the ones who were talking about smoothing, although they're still guilty of doing a lot of sideslipping).
04-06-2009, 12:29 PM #1233
lookout pass, id. the ramp is a notorious "eat shit" zone. no ever learns. ever. this place is a gaper gold mine. i will carry a camera more often.
this woman came out of the lodge in her socks with her rear entry ski boots in hand. she drops them and they slide all the way down. the parking lot was like a lake from all of the melt. that's her husbad in the background demonstrating the proper ski carrying technique.
Cheap gear for Mags at Backcountry Freeskier
04-06-2009, 04:22 PM #1234
04-06-2009, 06:11 PM #1235
04-07-2009, 07:04 AM #1236Registered User
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
I suck. I will demote myself to only posting on Epic Ski now.
Welcome to TGR Drunken_Monkey.
04-07-2009, 07:51 AM #1237
This is sooo cool in a wrong way. I'll see your gaper and raise you one. Guy trys driving his Audi w/ ski boots on,that's special.
04-07-2009, 10:58 AM #1238ArtVandalay Guest
Guy: You like those funky skis? (189 Obsethed)
Me: Yeah, they're great. you should try them
Guy: No way, these things have seen the Himalayas...more than enough to get the job done (referring to his old 16x cm Foils)
Guy: No, seriously, the Himalayas (I guess, looking for recognition)
Me: Sweet, where is that, New Jersey??
Apparently that wasn't sufficient to end the conversation.
...and he was wearing a cowboy hat and leather ski pants.
2) my friend, unfortunately...."I really only ski groomers, because it is really technical and something you can keep skiing even when you are older (40s), unlike crud and powder."
...so you all better all get your turns in now, because at 40, you will be relegated to groomers and metrons.
Last edited by ArtVandalay; 04-07-2009 at 11:10 AM.
04-07-2009, 11:08 AM #1239
04-07-2009, 02:25 PM #1240Registered User
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
Some real classics in this thread, you should upload to this contest - could win a pair of PBR skis, or a Jacket.
Gaper day photo contest
04-07-2009, 02:48 PM #1241
04-08-2009, 07:23 AM #1242Registered User
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
You fucked up - Admit it. Fix it. Learn from it. Move on.
(a little bit of humor usually helps too)
Now back to our regularly scheduled program.......
04-08-2009, 07:48 AM #1243
everything posted in the daily operations blog on the Mt Bachelor web-site by Alex Kaufman Gaper Douche Extraordinare"Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is" -Charles DeMar
Never argue with an idiot..They always drag you down to their level and beat you with experience
04-08-2009, 07:53 AM #1244
Last week I took a pair of solid wood skis out for old school fun. Went down this face of cut-up crud and zigged instead of zagged. Over the handle bars and argued head first. As I floundered to right myself here comes about 6 lil girls snowplowing down the face going pass me giggling. Whos' the Gaper now!
04-08-2009, 03:43 PM #1245
04-08-2009, 04:08 PM #1246Registered User
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
- 'bangin' your girlfriend
Last week I took my family to Marmot Basin near Jasper for some skiing. My daughter is a strong intermediate aspiring-advanced skier, but my wife is a first-year skier and having some difficulty in learning, as she really freaks out if it appears at all steep. However, she's been very good at the lifts, never screwing up and keeping it moving. We're boarding the Caribou Chair, which is a deuce, so the three of us can't ride together. It's a bit icy in the maze and there is a little "up hill" just before you follow the last chair out. Both of my gals are having a tough time getting over the little hill, and it looks like they'll miss the chair. The line-up is super-short, so I don't pay much attention. However, in the interest of keeping it moving, the liftie shoves them both forward, but neither is expecting the extra help, and my daughter veers to the side and instead of boarding, gets whacked by the chair and launched to the side. My wife reaches to help her, and gets launched off herself. It was like an old Steve Martin comedy! The liftie halts the lift, both of them get up, and board the next chair. The guy behind them is groaning and spewing shit about "learning to ride the lift..."
As he looks like every other dumb fat redneck Albertan, I just let it ride. No sense in letting stuff ruin a nice day. Then the redneck goes to board the chair, hits the same uphill icy bit, pushes hard past it, and crashes into the chair he's following (an empty as he missed following the chair with my gals) and loses a ski. He's a giant fuckin' mess, best described as "I've fallen and I can't get up."
I don't even have a chance to say a word as these three teen girls are ripping into him fiercely for "not learning how to ride a fucking lift!!"
I know, nice blog. I'm a long winded jong, whatever, flame away.
04-08-2009, 04:11 PM #1247
One of my roommates isn't so much a gaper, but says a lot of gaperific things. For a guy who works for a ski company, he has a lot of excuses for not skiing. He's been maybe 5 or 6 times this winter... and we live at the bottom of a ski resort.
Two weekends ago he didn't ski with us because he was still pretty shaken up over McConkey's death (even though, like us, he only knew him from the movies)
Last weekend, after a ton of new snow, he didn't ski Friday because he was depressed they may have layoffs at his office (which skiing would be the perfect way to forget your troubles) and didn't ski Saturday because he ... "already put a layer of storage wax on his bases and won't be taking them out again this season."كافر
04-08-2009, 04:22 PM #1248
not quite a quote, but I came upon a family of four postholing down the sherburne trail with rollup sheets of plastic for sleds. I asked them what the fuck they were doing and did they know it was a ski trail. they said yeah, they knew, that's why they had the sleds. Only they couldn't slide on the flat parts. or the dirt. or the moguls. They seemed incredibly taken a back that I would be irritated by their behavior.
04-08-2009, 04:28 PM #1249
04-08-2009, 04:30 PM #1250
Headed out the Cirque on the epic powder day that was 4/4, came upon a couple, female had her skis off and was walking back up to the traverse, hubby or boyfriend was standing about 100 feet down slope. This is the mild part right before Tower 3. I asked if they were okay, she looked me dead in the eyes and said "just fucking fine". I was a little stunned, so I just kept moving, following the vor. Standing above the trees before Tower 3, just out of sight, but well within earshot, she yells "god fucking dammit, I fucking told you I hate powder. I wanted to ski Chips!".
I'm 99% sure I saw them again at Creekside about an hour later. Dude was holding both pairs of skis, she was still pissed, and knocked the open map out of his hands onto the ground. Same people or not, it was fucking hilarious.
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