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  1. #2551
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    74
    Quote Originally Posted by guroo270 View Post
    Me at 5:45 this morning in Boulder - "Hey darlin', Vail just got 5 inches, want to make a run up there?"
    gaper wife - "I can stay in bed and get more than 5 inches..."
    probably the funniest thing in here.

  2. #2552
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    10
    I was going up the lift with a middle aged gapper and he said "You must get amazing edge grip with skis that long".. I was riding 195 Praxis Powder boards. Hes right my reverse/reverse skis work wonders on groomers, you have no idea *cough* In his defense funshape skis are a terrifying/confusing topic for gappers I wouldnt expect him to understand the purpose of the ski besides its obvious applications to water sports such as water skiing =P

  3. #2553
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    I-70
    Posts
    3,516
    Skiing is a water sport.

    (What's a "gapper"?)

    Oh yea, saw a guy wedging down the groomers with a go pro. Feel sorry for his friends.
    Last edited by karpiel; 01-13-2011 at 08:47 PM.

  4. #2554
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Leadville, CO
    Posts
    2,094
    Had to sit through a 30 tower chairlift ride this morning with a drama filled domestic dispute in full swing next to me btwn guy and girl. The girl kept saying things to me to get me to reinforce her points. I finally just said, you'll forget about all this once you're out on the snow.....(although they probably wouldn't) jeese leave me out of it....it's why I ski alone...
    My Company: Made in Colorado Clothing- check it out

    www.freeridesystems.com
    30% Maggot Discount Code = 'MAGGOT14'

  5. #2555
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    7,720
    Quote Originally Posted by MiCol View Post
    Had to sit through a 30 tower chairlift ride this morning with a drama filled domestic dispute in full swing next to me btwn guy and girl. The girl kept saying things to me to get me to reinforce her points. I finally just said, you'll forget about all this once you're out on the snow.....(although they probably wouldn't) jeese leave me out of it....it's why I ski alone...
    What was the subject? Fuck, if she was hot I would have been looking for a rebound hut fuck.
    Terje was right.

    "We're all kooks to somebody else." -Shelby Menzel

  6. #2556
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    far far away
    Posts
    347
    (guy on lift explaining to his girl who has never skied before why she doesn't need a lesson)

    (jersey-esque accent)

    "you're only gonna ski 3 days. you aren't going to be skiing ADVANCED runs. all you need to do is make it down the hill, you don't need TECHNIQUES and shit"
    "In those moments that most people say I can't, most people say self preservation, most people say what if?... We say "What if?" the other way. What if you land it? What if it is possible?" - Travis Pastrana

    "I'll ski that line with no turns" -Shane McConkey

  7. #2557
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    The Hinterlands
    Posts
    504
    This is more of an anti-gaper story but I didn't know where else to put it:

    Night skiing last evening at Hidden Bump, slaying the 300 feet of vert. The lift conversation of the night happened on the first run. Thursday happens to be "Cheap Night" at Hidden Valley, so it is the night when Mom and Dad drop off their spawn to slide down the hill for several hours. Mostly they hang out in the lodge, spewing hormones, creating a weird kind of high school dance vibe when you go in for break. It also means that despite a lift line, an old guy on skis will ride solo most of the time. The kids are too cool for sharing a chair with Grampa. But not The Little Girl in Pink (she is maybe 9, or 10). While I had resigned myself to a lone ride on the Bigwin Quad, she poled up beside me, gave me the look that let me know I was the Grown-Up in Charge of this lift ride, and off we went. I politely inquired if it was OK to lower the bar and she agreed with an emphatic "yes." After a few seconds, she looks at me and says, pointing left:

    "When we get to the top, you should probably go that way."
    Me: "OK, are you going right?"
    LGiP: "Yes, I"m not very good at getting off the chairlift yet."
    Me: "Well, OK."
    LGiP: "I just got these skis today."
    Me: "Oh, have you skied before?"
    LGiP: "No, this is my first time."
    Me: "Is anyone teaching you how to ski?"
    LGiP: "No, I am skiing by myself."
    Me (concerned but not wanting to sound like a weird old guy): "So, are you here by yourself?"
    LGiP: "Oh no, my brother and his friend are here too."
    Me (relieved, then putting my skis in the wedge position): "Do you know how to do the snowplow, you know, when you put your skis like this?"
    LGiP: "Oh, yes, I do that. I am teaching myself to ski!"
    Me, by this time we are at the top: "Well, good for you. Are you ready to get off? Stand up when your skis touch the snow!"

    So I go left, then turn and watch her ski off the lift pretty well, stop, fall over, immediately get up and ski off, straightlining down the easy hill in full pizza stance. This girl is going to be a skier.
    Last edited by Mr. Multiglisse; 01-14-2011 at 06:51 AM. Reason: Typo correction
    "... Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to your body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much: I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those deskbound people with their hearts in a safe deposit box and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this: you will outlive the bastards." – Edward Abbey

    Love Jay Peak? Hate Jay Peak? You might enjoy the The Real Jay Peak Snow Report

  8. #2558
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Leadville, CO
    Posts
    2,094
    Quote Originally Posted by DasBlunt View Post
    What was the subject? Fuck, if she was hot I would have been looking for a rebound hut fuck.
    Subject everything. " I wouldn't have come if I knew we had to leave at 1:30, I didn't know we were going to ride a bus", guy was trying to hook up and ride with friends, girl just wanted to ride with him, he was chronic texter while this unfolding, blah blah...


    I felt like I could have taken her away from the guy who was just egging her on and being pretty douchey. She wasn't completely innocent. Must have been a newer couple. I was headed for powder and would rather be hiking alone and rent a drama dvd at end of day than live within one. Not hot enough...
    My Company: Made in Colorado Clothing- check it out

    www.freeridesystems.com
    30% Maggot Discount Code = 'MAGGOT14'

  9. #2559
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    underground
    Posts
    515
    Quote Originally Posted by PowderHound93 View Post
    I was going up the lift with a middle aged gapper and he said "You must get amazing edge grip with skis that long".. I was riding 195 Praxis Powder boards. Hes right my reverse/reverse skis work wonders on groomers, you have no idea *cough* In his defense funshape skis are a terrifying/confusing topic for gappers I wouldnt expect him to understand the purpose of the ski besides its obvious applications to water sports such as water skiing =P
    it's always such a treat to learn about people's cool new gear and how the plebes don't understand its awesomeness, let alone dimensions and direction of curve and how it's just for pow, duuuuuuuude.

  10. #2560
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    South Central Spud Land.
    Posts
    2,232
    Quote Originally Posted by PaRider380 View Post
    I can’t take these stories anymore. The original intent of this thread was funny. About half of the stories on this thread are funny.
    and you are one of the other half. unfunny.


    Quote Originally Posted by AltaAndy View Post
    79 year olds skiing, no matter what the circumstances, discipline or amount of complaining is fucking a awesome in my book
    AltaAndy speaks truth. This is in reference to the XC tip skins to slow people down on the ice. I could probably use some. As a snowboarder I can fake skiing enough to help my daughters and I like to xc for the exercise once in a while. But a downhill on XC gear is one of the most terrifying things imaginable for me.
    Every all the floppy shit flopping every which way. Me on xc skis=biggest gaper ever.

    In CB a buddy of mine when up to the xc track with me for shits and giggles one day. There was a long slow downhill that ended with a left hand turn at the bottom. Not that sharp but you had to turn. I don't think either one of us realized how much speed you would get staying in the track on this thing. Dave made it to the bottom and tried to step turn his way out of the track to slow down. Bombhole number one. He is struggling to get up when he looks up and sees me coming with a look of terror on my face. "Don't kill me" he shouts. I barely missed. Bombhole number 2 right next to his. Neither of us hurt, but there was some pretty deep powder off the track and it was hard to just crawl back on to the groom to stand up. In between uncontrollable spasms of laughter and gear untangling we nearly had it together by the time Ms Hotness comes cruising by. She stops and suggests that there is easier terrain on the other side. Killed us again. Neither one of us could stop laughing. I think she thought we were insane. After weeks of skiing the dbl black gnar of the Butte - a 30 to 40 foot low angle hill had humbled us both. Still funny remembering the look on his face as he barrel rolled over the embankment into the pow fully turtled out and stuffed in.
    Quote Originally Posted by skuba View Post
    you can let it free and be as stupid as possible


    Thread Killer
    I would like to see your point of view but I can't get my head that far up your ass.

  11. #2561
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Saneville
    Posts
    12,447
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Multiglisse View Post
    This is more of an anti-gaper story but I didn't know where else to put it:

    Night skiing last evening at Hidden Bump, slaying the 300 feet of vert. The lift conversation of the night happened on the first run. Thursday happens to be "Cheap Night" at Hidden Valley, so it is the night when Mom and Dad drop off their spawn to slide down the hill for several hours. Mostly they hang out in the lodge, spewing hormones, creating a weird kind of high school dance vibe when you go in for break. It also means that despite a lift line, an old guy on skis will ride solo most of the time. The kids are too cool for sharing a chair with Grampa. But not The Little Girl in Pink (she is maybe 9, or 10). While I had resigned myself to a lone ride on the Bigwin Quad, she poled up beside me, gave me the look that let me know I was the Grown-Up in Charge of this lift ride, and off we went. I politely inquired if it was OK to lower the bar and she agreed with an emphatic "yes." After a few seconds, she looks at me and says, pointing left:

    "When we get to the top, you should probably go that way."
    Me: "OK, are you going right?"
    LGiP: "Yes, I"m not very good at getting off the chairlift yet."
    Me: "Well, OK."
    LGiP: "I just got these skis today."
    Me: "Oh, have you skied before?"
    LGiP: "No, this is my first time."
    Me: "Is anyone teaching you how to ski?"
    LGiP: "No, I am skiing by myself."
    Me (concerned but not wanting to sound like a weird old guy): "So, are you here by yourself?"
    LGiP: "Oh no, my brother and his friend are here too."
    Me (relieved, then putting my skis in the wedge position): "Do you know how to do the snowplow, you know, when you put your skis like this?"
    LGiP: "Oh, yes, I do that. I am teaching myself to ski!"
    Me, by this time we are at the top: "Well, good for you. Are you ready to get off? Stand up when your skis touch the snow!"

    So I go left, then turn and watch her ski off the lift pretty well, stop, fall over, immediately get up and ski off, straightlining down the easy hill in full pizza stance. This girl is going to be a skier.
    Great story. Has all the elements. Isolation, sadness, drama, anticipation, lost puppy dogs, VICTORY!

  12. #2562
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    where the hoary marmot whistles
    Posts
    182
    While waiting in line at first lift on X-mas day at whistler (44cm over night), i heard a couple bragging about how much they like their skis and what a great deal they were. They were from New York and probably haven't skied much Pow, so as i turn around to look at the skis they are telling the people beside them they love, i see snow blades. I wanted to ask if they planned on snowshoeing down the hill.

  13. #2563
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Rawesome, BC
    Posts
    1,210
    At Castle, riding up the Blue chair with what were clearly desk jockey's -

    "Debra doesn't appreciate you checking your stocks at work"
    "How does she know I check my stocks. Whatever, that office is toxic anyways."

    - riding ski swap specials (rear entries, dynastars older than the owners, grade A gaper gap...). The gold medal winner occurred just as we were about to disembark:

    "How long is that line over on that chair?"

    Took me a moment to realize they were in fact asking me the question and not in intense office politico convo with each other. I look at them, look at the quite visible lineup at Red chair, look back at them. I point at it and say something to effect of...

    "About that long."

    Life is simple. Go Explore.

  14. #2564
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Boulder
    Posts
    5,284
    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Multiglisse View Post
    This is more of an anti-gaper story but I didn't know where else to put it:

    Night skiing last evening at Hidden Bump, slaying the 300 feet of vert. The lift conversation of the night happened on the first run. Thursday happens to be "Cheap Night" at Hidden Valley, so it is the night when Mom and Dad drop off their spawn to slide down the hill for several hours. Mostly they hang out in the lodge, spewing hormones, creating a weird kind of high school dance vibe when you go in for break. It also means that despite a lift line, an old guy on skis will ride solo most of the time. The kids are too cool for sharing a chair with Grampa. But not The Little Girl in Pink (she is maybe 9, or 10). While I had resigned myself to a lone ride on the Bigwin Quad, she poled up beside me, gave me the look that let me know I was the Grown-Up in Charge of this lift ride, and off we went. I politely inquired if it was OK to lower the bar and she agreed with an emphatic "yes." After a few seconds, she looks at me and says, pointing left:

    "When we get to the top, you should probably go that way."
    Me: "OK, are you going right?"
    LGiP: "Yes, I"m not very good at getting off the chairlift yet."
    Me: "Well, OK."
    LGiP: "I just got these skis today."
    Me: "Oh, have you skied before?"
    LGiP: "No, this is my first time."
    Me: "Is anyone teaching you how to ski?"
    LGiP: "No, I am skiing by myself."
    Me (concerned but not wanting to sound like a weird old guy): "So, are you here by yourself?"
    LGiP: "Oh no, my brother and his friend are here too."
    Me (relieved, then putting my skis in the wedge position): "Do you know how to do the snowplow, you know, when you put your skis like this?"
    LGiP: "Oh, yes, I do that. I am teaching myself to ski!"
    Me, by this time we are at the top: "Well, good for you. Are you ready to get off? Stand up when your skis touch the snow!"

    So I go left, then turn and watch her ski off the lift pretty well, stop, fall over, immediately get up and ski off, straightlining down the easy hill in full pizza stance. This girl is going to be a skier.
    Such and awesome awesome story

  15. #2565
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    tourin BC
    Posts
    2,423
    in the slackcountry telling buddy I want to dig a pit, for the second day in a row in the same terrain ...
    Buddy says "wot are you going to find today that you didn't find yesterdy?"
    We, the RATBAGGERS, formally axcept our duty is to discriminate against all skiers ...

  16. #2566
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    the hysterical town of George, CO
    Posts
    1,684
    The other night after I finished a day of lessons at LL, I went over to Keystone for some hot laps under the lights. On my second or third lap, a guy in a thick southern drawl asks me, "Hey, wut runs have that powder on them?" Dumbfounded at what he just asked me, I asked him to repeat himself. For a second time, with a completely serious look on his face he asks, "Wut runs have that powder snow on them?" I responded shaking my head simply saying, "Uh, its Keystone....at night....and we haven't had fresh snow in a week. There is none of "that powder" right now."

    Talking to a guy while waiting for a lift up Loveland Pass to ride some tree shots.
    Me: "are you beeping?"
    Him: "Beeping?"
    Me: "Are you wearing a beacon?"
    Him: "No, no, its in my boots" (points to his vans)
    Me: "Ahh.....Reeco...." (smirking)
    Him: "Yeah, pretty sweet huh."
    Quote Originally Posted by DoWork
    Well we really came up with jong because it was becoming work to call all the johnny-come-lately whiny twats like yourself ball-licking, dick-shitting, butthole-surfing, manyon-sniffing, fotch-fanagling, duck butter spreading, sheep fucking, whiny, pissant, entitled, PMSing, baby dicked, pizza-frenchfrying, desk jockeying flacid excuses for misguided missles of butthurt specifically. That and JONG is just fun to say.
    the-one-track-mind

  17. #2567
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    39
    A couple d-bag customer stories:

    Around Christmas we had a guy come in who wanted to return his new skis (very entry level K2's) because they had a 3" hairline scratch (not even p-tex worthy) on the base after 3 days of use. "I've had my other skis for 12 years and they've never done this. These skis are junk!"
    Another customer around the same time wanted to return his new skis because they were fast up top, not at the bottom. This is a guy that passed on a better wax job at the time of purchase.

  18. #2568
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Santa Cruz CA and Seattle
    Posts
    509
    Awesome gaper on gaper day with full one piece and 210s etc etc

    (In thick German accent)

    "Ifff vee get lost, ive got the flaares!"

  19. #2569
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    835
    Several from the MLK weekend, but they all started with..
    "when I was skiing out west...."

  20. #2570
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Hell Track
    Posts
    6,292
    Today was wet...
    Not sure if this is gaper or genius, but I saw a guy skiing with an umbrella as a pole. 1 regular pole, 1 umbrella - complete with a powder basket jammed onto it.

  21. #2571
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    DC
    Posts
    1,983
    I rode up the Falcon Super chair today with a guy who was very intently video taping the entire ride, from the maze to the top. I asked him if he had any software to speed up the video, no response, just intent video taping.

  22. #2572
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    1,066
    Quote Originally Posted by toast2266 View Post
    Today was wet...
    Not sure if this is gaper or genius, but I saw a guy skiing with an umbrella as a pole. 1 regular pole, 1 umbrella - complete with a powder basket jammed onto it.
    Genius. Definitely.
    Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid.

  23. #2573
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    In the swamp
    Posts
    1,830
    Had a Texan ask me today what's the point of telemarking and why do so many people do it?

  24. #2574
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Santa Cruz CA and Seattle
    Posts
    509
    Quote Originally Posted by The SnowShow View Post
    Had a Texan ask me today what's the point of telemarking and why do so many people do it?
    I am not sure what I would say to that question

  25. #2575
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Front Ranger
    Posts
    891
    Quote Originally Posted by stoepstyle View Post
    I am not sure what I would say to that question
    I would reply by asking him the question, "why do so many texans rock snowblades?"

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