View Full Version : The Caddyshack quote thread...

04-20-2007, 10:54 PM
Let's hear 'em. The more obscure the better. I'll start...

"I feel like a hundred dollars."

04-20-2007, 10:59 PM
It's easy to grin
when your ship comes in
and you've got the stock market beat.

But the man worthwhile
is the man who can smile
when his pants are too tight in the seat.

mitch buchannon
04-20-2007, 11:33 PM
You two look like a couple of boobies.

04-21-2007, 12:13 AM
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Core Shot
04-21-2007, 04:01 AM
"You musta been something before electricity"

"You wanna make $14 the hard way?"

"[cough cough] what kind of shit is this?
Its the best, man - I got it from a Negro - you're probably so high already you don't even know it"

04-21-2007, 04:54 AM
Carl Spackler: "License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote."

04-21-2007, 05:07 AM
"What are you doing on Saturday, Danny?"
"Nothing, sir."
"Great! How would you like to mow my lawn?"

The AD
04-21-2007, 11:38 PM
That's a peach, hon.

04-21-2007, 11:59 PM
Honey, would you loofah my stretchmarks?

04-22-2007, 05:15 AM
"My father...my father never liked you"

"With my lips?"

04-22-2007, 05:39 AM
"This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it..."

04-22-2007, 07:27 AM
You take drugs Danny?


Good! So what's the problem?

Nobody Famous
04-22-2007, 08:52 AM
Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield), to Wang, the oriental guy who's taking pictures of everything: "I think this place is restricted Wang, so don't tell 'em your Jewish, okay?" Link (http://www.moviesoundscentral.com/sounds/caddyshack/jewish.wav)

Ted Knight: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Chevy Chase: Don't sell yourself short, judge. You're a tremendous slouch.

Judge Smails: Oh, Porterhouse! Look at the wax build-up on those shoes! This is fine leather! I want that wax stripped off! I want them creamed and buffed with a fine chamois. And I want them now! Chop chop!
You then see Porterhouse mumbling something, holding the shoes are under a spinning shop grinder with smoke coming off them, and pieces flying everywhere.

04-22-2007, 09:05 AM
"I was born, to lick your face."

04-22-2007, 09:01 PM
This place got a pool?

Pool and a pond... Pond be good for you.

04-22-2007, 09:03 PM
This place got a pool?

Pool and a pond... Pond be good for you.

my favorite!

04-22-2007, 09:18 PM
Be the ball Danny.:fm:

Flexon Phil
04-22-2007, 10:07 PM
Judge Smails:How do you measure yourself against other golfers?

Ty: By height

04-22-2007, 10:08 PM
Hey you scratched my anchor!

04-23-2007, 06:32 AM
"I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them."

04-23-2007, 07:31 AM
Maggie: Yeah? Well tanks fer nuttin Noonan!

04-23-2007, 07:32 AM
"$50 bucks says the Smails kid picks his nose"

04-23-2007, 08:00 AM
"I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!"

Flexon Phil
04-23-2007, 10:23 AM
Pick that wrapper up...

04-23-2007, 10:36 AM
"People dont say that about you Carl, as far as you know."

04-23-2007, 02:04 PM
Lacey Underall: My uncle says you've got a screw loose.
Ty Webb: Your uncle molests collies.

Flexon Phil
04-23-2007, 02:17 PM
"The world needs ditch diggers too..."

04-23-2007, 02:27 PM
"you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup too."

04-23-2007, 02:28 PM
You'll get nothing and like it!"

04-24-2007, 10:16 AM
"What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards."

"I notice you don't spend too much time there."

"I'm not quite sure where they are."

The AD
04-24-2007, 11:05 AM
Porterhouse: "Colored Boy? Why you son of a bitch..." [or something along those lines :)]

Al Czervik: "Did somebody step on a duck?"

04-24-2007, 12:22 PM
Ty Webb: What brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape; How come you're here?

04-24-2007, 01:18 PM
"I feel like a hundred dollars."
What part of the movie is that from?

"The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff. "

04-24-2007, 01:40 PM
"you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup too."

"Oh, it looks good on you though"

"Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. "

04-24-2007, 01:49 PM
ba na na na na na na na

The AD
04-24-2007, 01:49 PM
What part of the movie is that from?

I think Ty (chevy) says it to Lacey, but I forget the specifics.

04-24-2007, 02:01 PM
Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

04-25-2007, 03:30 AM
^^^ Noice!!!!

"I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?"

04-25-2007, 09:26 AM
"$50 bucks says the Smails kid picks his nose"

"50 bucks more says he eats it."

"I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think."

04-25-2007, 12:34 PM
"You're not a man, you're a bishop, for God's sakes!"
"There is no God..."

04-25-2007, 12:51 PM
“Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny?”
“No. “
“Take one good guess. “
“Bob Hope? “
“Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.”

The AD
04-25-2007, 02:12 PM
"Very funny. What time are you due back at Boy's Town?"

04-25-2007, 04:49 PM
Carl: Oh Mrs. Green, your a monkey-woman, and you know it. You're wearing green so you can hide. But I see you Mrs. Green...

Your a tramp! You hit it right where you wanted it!

04-25-2007, 06:48 PM
[annoying sister] MOOOOOM, Danny saw me naked!!!!! [/annoying sister]

04-25-2007, 07:59 PM
Lacey Underall: I enjoy skiiny skiing... going to bulfights on acid...

Flexon Phil
04-25-2007, 08:20 PM
Al: Drop Anchor...hey, you scratched my anchor

04-25-2007, 09:34 PM
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04-26-2007, 10:05 AM
Can I say something to you, Frank?

We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason.

04-26-2007, 10:25 AM
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Get the fuck out with the product placement biatchhhh. :fm:

04-26-2007, 10:29 AM
Carl: Cannonball!!!!!!!!!!!! Cannonball coming!

04-27-2007, 12:28 AM
"I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit."


04-27-2007, 10:15 AM
"Whats that sign say?"
"No bare feet."
"Whats that sign say?"
"No fighting!"

"You owe me one gumball machine"

"So what? So lets dance!"

04-27-2007, 10:35 AM
"Thank you very little"
"Must be a nice change from dreary old Manhattan"
"Yes, I was getting tired of having fun all the time."

05-01-2007, 06:33 PM
"I shoulda stayed home and played with myself!"

05-02-2007, 09:30 AM
I was bored flipping through the digi cable guide the other day when I saw Caddyshack was on HBO. I flipped to it only to find out that it was actually Caddyshack 2, I was so very, very angry.

05-02-2007, 04:51 PM
How about a Fresca?

05-03-2007, 08:25 AM
Lacey: "I think I've got enougth butter, thanks"...

05-03-2007, 08:33 AM
Lacey: Oh, you were in the war?
Ty: (pats leg and hobbles) Nope, homo.

That one slays me every time I see it.

05-03-2007, 07:43 PM
Danny to Lacey: "I just wanted to let you know that because of this you don't have to stop seeing other people"

05-04-2007, 01:25 AM
Ty: "Me winning isn't important, you do!"

Noonan: "Nice grammar"

05-04-2007, 09:28 AM
Carl: This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion.

Big E
05-10-2007, 10:14 AM
The normally reserved Augusta crowd, going wild...

I can't believe we made it to pg. 3 before Carl's announcing bit was mentioned!

The AD
05-10-2007, 11:11 AM
"Hey, everybody! We're all gonna get laid!"

05-11-2007, 12:51 AM
"I've stopped talking... Not talking now"

05-11-2007, 06:26 AM
"Oh, yes... well... Just snake a tube down her throat and I'll be there in 4 or 5 hours." - Dr. Beeper.

05-11-2007, 08:29 AM
Judge Smails: You should play with us sometime. Dr. Beeper's been club champion three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short, Judge. You're a tremendous slouch.

Judge Smails: Ty, your father and I, we prepped together, we went to college together. We went to war together. We built Bushwwod. Some people just don't belong.
Ty Webb: Let's make it forty thousand. (Judge grins. Ty chuckles and draws the judge close to share a secret.) My dad... never liked you.

Carl Spackler: I tell you what to do about Smails. You just cut the hamstring a little. He'll stand on his back foot and slice everything into the woods. He'll give up the game.

Carl Spackler: It's not my fault nobody can understand you, you fuzzy foreigner.

Lacey Underall: You wanna tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?

Al Czervik: Golf courses and cemetaries the biggest wastes of prime real estate. Only reason I'm here is cause I might buy this dump.

Judge Smails: I owe you nothing.
Al Czervik: Oh yeah? I thought so. Moose! Rocco! Help the judge find his checkbook!

and it's not pick up that wrapper, it's...

The AD
05-11-2007, 10:03 AM
and it's not pick up that wrapper, it's...

No, Lou says both.

"you want to be replaced by golf carts, keep it up."

05-11-2007, 12:11 PM
I believe you are correct, sir.

Nunzio: How was it?
Maggie: How was what?
Nunzio: It couldn't have been that good then.

05-30-2007, 05:20 AM
BUMP... (We've got so many more left!)

"Look at this! This is the worst hat I ever saw! I bet if you buy a hat like this you get a free bowl of soup!

But it looks good on you though.":rolleyes:



05-30-2007, 07:02 AM
Carl to Ty: Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know... credit trouble.

Tye 1on
05-31-2007, 04:23 PM
It's good to be good Danny-

05-31-2007, 04:53 PM
spalding, get your foot off the boat!

05-31-2007, 05:31 PM
The Zen philosopher Basho once said ‘A flute with no holes is not a flute. A donut with no hole is a Danish.’ Funny guy.

05-31-2007, 11:54 PM
Lacy to Ty: "I tried to look you up in the phone book but I couldn't find a listing for Mr. Wonderful."

Ty: "Really? What spelling did you use?"

05-31-2007, 11:56 PM
Carl holding up the Baby Ruth in the pool- "Found it!"

"Its no big deal."

06-01-2007, 09:01 AM
Cannonball it!!!

The AD
06-01-2007, 09:11 AM
"It's a little harsh."

06-01-2007, 10:12 AM
Lacy: Were you in the war?
Ty: No..(pats leg with fake limp)...homo.

06-02-2007, 05:04 PM
This steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.

06-02-2007, 05:05 PM
This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.

06-03-2007, 08:25 PM
"oh but it looks good on you though......."

Tye 1on
06-04-2007, 10:29 AM
"this isn't Russia, is this Russia? No, this isn't Russia..." [just a bit obscure...]

06-04-2007, 11:07 AM
Carl: "You know Ty, if you wanna hang out or rap with somebody, or just get weird man, you know, buddies for life."

06-04-2007, 12:08 PM
Carl to the Bishop: "If I were you, I'd keep playin.' I don't think the really heavy stuff is comin' down for quite a while."

Tye 1on
06-04-2007, 12:45 PM
So that's it Maggie, we'll get married.

Ohhhhh, Danny, that's allll I need...

06-10-2007, 05:58 PM
Smails: "Gambling is illegal at Bushwood and I NEVER slice...



06-10-2007, 07:19 PM
Ty - "I don't play golf, for money...against people."

Bishop - "My name's Fred and I'm a man, same as you!"

06-13-2007, 01:18 PM
Ty: Remember Danny - Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.

Spackler: Wait up, girls; I got a salami I gotta hide still.

06-13-2007, 09:32 PM

09-09-2009, 10:21 PM
don't you have homes?

09-09-2009, 11:58 PM
That kangaroo stole my ball!

09-10-2009, 10:45 AM
"that must be the tea"

09-10-2009, 01:04 PM
i've always contemplated becoming a golf club

09-10-2009, 01:31 PM
"billy billy billy,"

09-10-2009, 02:31 PM
"dont trip in the water, big foot"

09-10-2009, 05:45 PM
We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason.

I say this all the time, pretty much whenever some asks if can do this or that. No one ever gets it. And they look at me like I'm the weird one. Fuck that.

Hong Jong Fuey
09-10-2009, 07:09 PM
Ty Webb: "A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish."

09-11-2009, 01:41 AM
"the heavy stuff isnt coming down for quite some time now..."

09-11-2009, 01:45 AM
My dingy's bigger than your whole boat!

Hong Jong Fuey
09-11-2009, 07:53 AM
"Hey Wang! Its a parking lot!"

I actually use this a fair amount when I see tourists in NYC taking pictures of random stuff.

09-11-2009, 03:07 PM
"ooooohhhh, Madonna with meatballs"

Hong Jong Fuey
09-12-2009, 08:01 AM
But if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key...

09-12-2009, 10:12 AM
Miss it....mmmm miss it....

09-12-2009, 10:12 AM
Put that steering wheel back over where it belongs.....

chk out www.carlspackler.com and d/l your favorites

09-12-2009, 01:26 PM
"he looks like dick cavet"

09-13-2009, 11:13 AM
You're quite attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.

I like you Betty.
Danny, sir.

Hong Jong Fuey
09-13-2009, 01:38 PM
I was born to love you
I was born to lick your face
I was born to rub you
but you were born to rub me first
What do you say we take this out on the patio?

Hong Jong Fuey
09-13-2009, 01:39 PM
I christen thee....the flying wasp.

09-13-2009, 07:04 PM
sign at the pool: Caddy Day from 1pm to 1:15pm

09-14-2009, 06:51 AM
"never ask a navy man if he'll have another drink, it's nobody's god damned business how many he's had already"

Hong Jong Fuey
09-14-2009, 09:29 AM
"When you die, on your death bed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

Meadow Skipper
09-14-2009, 09:57 AM
Gunga galunga. Gunga, gunga lagunga.

09-14-2009, 07:25 PM
"You'll have nothing and like it!"

Hong Jong Fuey
09-14-2009, 08:29 PM
"How about teams then, for twenty thousand? You can have Dr. Frankenputz and I'll take Ty."

09-15-2009, 05:24 PM
Let's go while we're young

09-16-2009, 01:16 AM
Now I see why tigers eat their young.

11-19-2009, 08:11 AM
Check out this tshirt that is a picture of a caddyshack quote:



My Pet Powder Goat
11-19-2009, 08:45 AM
Judge: Spaulding, your golfing today with Dr. beeper and myself.

spaulding: no i'm not granpa, im playing tennis.

judge: your playing golf, and liking it!

Spaulding: but what about my ashma?!?


11-20-2009, 12:07 PM
Check out this tshirt that is a picture of a caddyshack quote:



Sorry to interrupt the qoutes... but that is awesome! where did you find that?!

ok, here is a quote:

"How would you like to mow my lawn?"